It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
by Livin4Jesus
Summary: ... or Reasons Why Tony and Clint Shouldn't Drink Together. No Slash. Chapter 43 Requested- The team has a slight problem to deal with, unfortunately, Tony didn't install lights in the basement.
1. Youtube

**A/N Just a silly random concept that popped into my head, which will have other drabbles added to it when I have the time to write them. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing. **

**Youtube**

"Oh! My! Word!"

Steve and Thor looked up at Natasha's exclamation. The SHIELD agent was sitting at the kitchen counter looking at something on her computer.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Come here," she said waving them over excitedly.

Steve and Thor curiously got up and walked over to stand behind her. They looked at her computer to see that she was watching some internet video.

"You guys have _got _to see this," Natasha said grinning.

She turned up the speakers on her computer and began the video. The footage was of the inside of what appeared to be a karaoke bar, and looked to be filmed by one of the patrons armed with a camera phone. They watched the video with curious expressions for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. They looked up at the sound of footsteps to see Bruce and Pepper walk into the room.

"What's so funny, guys?" Bruce asked.

"Come take a look at this," Steve said motioning to the screen.

Bruce and Pepper made their way over to join the others and soon, all five of them were rolling with laughter. They all laughed until they couldn't breathe and tears were streaming down their faces. Finally, they began to calm down but just as they were beginning to catch their breaths the objects of their amusement entered the room.

A very hungover Tony and Clint stumbled into the room. Their clothes were rumpled and their hair was sticking up in all directions. They stopped as the others suddenly busted out laughing.

"What?" Tony said suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Pepper tried to answer but she was laughing so hard she couldn't form any coherent words. Instead she just waved them over and pointed at the screen. Clint and Tony warily made their way over to them. Once they were close enough to see the computer, Natasha hit the play button. For a minute Tony and Clint simply watched impassively as the video showed the inside of a karaoke bar, but a few seconds into the video their eyes widened. Clint and Tony stared at the screen in horror as they suddenly appeared on the video. They were standing on the stage in the bar, staggeringly drunk, with microphones in their hands. As they watched, music began to play in the background. To Tony's and Clint's everlasting mortification (and their friends' everlasting amusement), their recorded selves began to sing a very drunk, very off-key, and only slightly recognizable version of 'I Will Survive' by Gloria Gaynor.

"I don't remember any of that," Clint said.

"Please tell me that isn't real," Tony almost pleaded.

"Oh, its real all right, and its already got over two million hits," Natasha replied.

"I don't remember any of that," Clint said again.

"Its not on Youtube!" Tony cried.

"Oh, yes it is," Pepper said still giggling.

"I don't remember any of that."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm regretting suggesting we do that," Tony said.

"I don't remember any of that."

"You know, saying that over and over isn't going to make it go away," Tony said to Clint.

"I don't remember any of that."

Natasha reached over and slapped Clint upside the head.

"Ow, what was that for?" Clint asked rubbing his head.

"Cognitive recalibration," Natasha stated simply.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Tony asked.

"Because you knew I would actually kill you if you did it," Clint answered.

"Oh, yeah. I guess you're right. So, when are we going out for drinks next?" Tony asked slapping Clint on the shoulder.

The next few minutes were made up of Bruce and Steve pulling Clint's hands away from Tony's throat.


	2. I Don't Even Want To Know

**A/N Sorry this is so short. The next one will be longer I promise. :)**

**I Don't Even Want To Know**

"I don't even know what to say," Steve said as he stared in awe at the sight before him. "How on Earth did you manage to get _your car _into the living room, on the top floor of the tower, without breaking _it_, the windows, or any other part of said tower?"

"Well, its a funny story-" Tony began but he was cut off by the trunk of his car suddenly popping open and a very hungover Clint rolling out of it to hit the floor with a soft thump and an 'oof.'

"You know what? On second thought, I don't want to know," Steve said as he turned and walked out of the room.

"Good, because I actually have no idea what happened," Tony said as soon as Steve was out of earshot. "Although I'm pretty sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. Jarvis, start coming up with a way to undo this," Tony commanded as he walked over to help Clint up.

"_At once, Sir." _


	3. Shut Up and Run

**A/N As promised, this one is a bit longer and the next one should be a little longer too. Thanks for all the favs, alerts, and reviews! If anyone has and idea or something they would like to see in one of these, leave it in a review or send me a PM and I will do my best to include it. :)**

**Shut Up and Run**

"I hate you!" Clint yelled at Tony.

The two of them were running down a street, at four in the morning, in some small town in Pennsylvania. They were both drunk but not as drunk as a few hours ago. Clint could tell because not only was he lucid, but he was also aware that he couldn't remember anything from 'a few hours ago.'

"What possessed you to do that?"

"I'm drunk," Tony admitted.

"You're not _that_ drunk," Clint shot back.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said.

"You're insane!" Clint cried as the Hulk roared behind them. "Seriously? Bruce comes to bail us out of the county lockup in some Podunk town, that I still don't remember coming to by the way, and you decide to hit him with a cattle prod?" Clint asked incredulously.

Evidently, one of them had had the presence of mind to call Bruce after they had been arrested. When they had woken up a few minutes ago (slightly less wasted than before), Bruce had been there to collect them. Tony in all his infinite stupidity had seen fit to take a cattle prod (that the sheriff had evidently confiscated from someone) and poke Bruce with it. Apparently, the hulk didn't take well to shock treatment.

"I wanted to see if it worked," Tony told Clint.

"So you used it on the guy who can turn into a giant, raging, killing-machine? Tony, do us all a favor. The next time you want to 'see if something works' try it out on yourself!" Clint screamed at him.

Behind them the Hulk tossed another car out of his way as he continued to chase them. The vehicle sailed through the air and smashed into an empty shop, demolishing it and part of the building next to it.

"You know you're going to have to pay for that don't you?" Clint asked Tony.

"Shut up and run, Bird Brain."


	4. Dead Men

**A/N Thanks so much for all the reviews, favs, and alerts, guys! You're awesome! If there's anything you want to see then leave it in a review or send it to me in a PM. I am taking requests. :)**

**Dead Men**

Clint was used to waking up in strange places. Being a spy, it sometimes came with the territory, but waking up hungover, in Nick Fury's office, under Nick Fury's desk, was definitely a new experience.

He crawled out from under the desk and looked over the top of it to see Tony. He was sprawled out in the middle of the floor using the SHIELD field manual as a pillow.

"Tony. Tony!" he hissed.

Tony snorted and woke up but kept his eyes closed.

"You better have a good reason for waking me up, Feather Head," he mumbled.

"How about the fact that we're in Fury's office?"

Tony's eyes flew open and he sat up. He winced at the sudden movement and bright light. "Oh, crap!"

"How did we even get here?" Clint asked.

"Well, I seem to remember someone betting me that I couldn't hack and bypass SHIELD security," Tony said with a pointed look at Clint.

"And _I_ seem to remember someone betting _me_ that I couldn't get us into Fury's office without being seen," Clint shot back.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said with a shrug.

"Well, seeing as we haven't been arrested or shot yet I'd say we succeeded," Clint sighed.

"So since I won my bet and you won your bet, I guess we're even. Now the question is _why_ we snuck into SHIELD and Fury's office in the first place," Tony said.

"Uh, I think I just figured it out," Clint said.

Tony turned and looked at the archer. Clint was staring at the wall beside them, a look of abject horror on his face. He raised a hand and pointed toward said wall. Tony turned and looked at what Clint was referring to and his face froze in horror as well.

On the wall was a painted portrait of Nick Fury. Or at least it used to be. The painting had been defaced. There was now an eyepatch on both eyes, an evil bad guy curlicue mustache, blacked out teeth, a pitchfork in his hand, and devil's horns on the director's visage.

"Look what you did," Clint said in a sing-song voice.

"What _I_ did?" Tony cried.

Clint pointed at the floor near Tony. The billionaire looked down and saw a black permanent marker laying beside his hand.

"Yeah, well, I'm not the only guilty party here, Big Bird," Tony said pointing at Clint.

Clint looked down at himself and saw an identical permanent marker clipped to the front of his shirt. He cursed.

"Fury's going to kill us," Tony muttered putting his head in his hands.

Clint crawled over and sat beside Tony, desperately trying to come up with a plan.

"Okay, we can still get out of this," Clint said thinking out loud. "All we have to do is get out of here without being seen. I can make sure there's no physical evidence of us being here and you can take care of the digital."

Tony was liking the sound of that plan. They could do this. No sooner than he had thought that, though, the door slowly opened behind him and a shadow loomed over them. Tony had his back to the door and was looking at Clint who's face had gone deathly pale.

Tony slowly turned around and saw, to his horror, Nick Fury himself in the doorway.

"We are _dead men_," Tony squeaked to Clint.

"I hate it when you're right."


	5. Until Death

**A/N This one was requested by slacker. I hope you like it. Needstostudy and Guest, I am still working on your requests and I hope to have them up within the next week.**

**Request: "Can you have a chapter where drunk Clint marries Natasha (who was also drunk/drugged thanks to Tony) and Tony was the best man but also a bridesmaid so he wore a dress?"**

**Well, here you go! :)**

**Until Death...**

Clint groaned as he returned to consciousness.

"My sentiments exactly," Clint heard Tony say from beside him.

The archer opened his eyes and winced as the light sent stabs of pain into his head. He reached up to rub his face but stopped as something caught his eye and he sat up.

"What is on my finger?" Clint asked holding up his left hand toreveal a small plastic circle around his ring finger.

"It looks like a plastic gasket," Tony replied.

"Why is it on my finger?"

"How should I know? It's your finger," Tony replied standing up.

Clint pulled on the gasket but it wouldn't budge.

"I can't get it off," he said pulling harder. "It's stuck."

"Um, Clint?" Tony asked tentatively. He had wandered over to a nearby table in search of something that might make the hangover a little more bearable but something on the table had caught his eye.

"Yeah?" Clint replied absentmindedly.

"How do you feel about marriage?"

Clint looked up to see Tony standing with his back to the archer.

"What kind of question is that?" Clint asked looking at Tony like he had grown a second head.

"Would you want to be married?" Tony asked still not turning around.

"I don't know. Maybe someday," Clint said a hint of confusion in his voice. "Why?"

"So you wouldn't want to be married, say… right now?" Tony asked, ignoring Clint's question.

"No, I wouldn't. What is wrong with you?" Clint asked.

"I have some bad news, Buddy," Tony said turning around and holding out a piece of paper to Clint. "you're married."

"What?" Clint asked, looking at Tony like he had lost his mind. "What on earth are you talking about? Are you still drunk?"

In answer Tony motioned to the paper. Clint took it and read over it, his eyes growing wide and his face draining of color as he did so.

"This can't be real. If this is real then I am dead. Dead and buried," Clint said.

The paper he was holding in his hand was a wedding certificate which had his name in one blank and Natasha Romanov's in another.

"This can't be right. Natasha would never go for this," Clint said.

"Uh, she might," Tony said.

"What do you mean?" Clint asked in a dangerous voice.

"I might have slipped her a mickey last night," Tony admitted.

"You didn't."

"Uh…"

"Why? Why would you do that?" Clint asked in disbelief.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, okay?" Tony said defensively.

"All right, I'm going to go jump off the roof. It'll be less painful that way," Clint said.

"It could be worse," Tony replied.

"How? How could this be worse?" Clint cried.

"You could have accidentally married someone other than Natasha."

"Then not only would she kill me but she would make it very slow and very painful. You're right, it could be worse," Clint conceded only partially sarcastic.

"That's it, you just have to stay positive. There's always a silver lining," Tony said.

"Yeah, and a quick death versus a slow and suffering one is a silver lining," Clint said, the sarcasm full force.

"Hey, I never said it was a good silver lining. I just said there always is one," Tony said with a shrug.

Tony watched in amusement as Clint started banging his head against the wall.

"You're enjoying this aren't you? You're enjoying watching me suffer," Clint moaned.

"Oh, immensely," Tony said with a grin.

"I hate you."

Much to Clint's irritation, Tony just laughed. But it was quickly Clint's turn to laugh as the archer angrily stuffed his hands in his pockets only to feel a piece of paper in his right pocket. It turned out to not be a piece of paper but rather a photo. Clint took one look at it a burst out laughing. He held the photo out to Tony and laughed at the 'aw crap' look on the billionaire's face as he looked at the picture.

The photo was of Clint, Natasha, and Tony, all three of them looking very drunk. Natasha and Clint were standing side by side. Natasha was holding a bouquet of fake flowers and Clint had a fake rose pinned to his shirt. But the most notable thing in the picture was Tony. He was standing beside Natasha, holding a bouquet of his own and wearing, of all things, a black dress.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" Clint asked, snickering.

"Well, obviously Accipitridae, Natasha needed a maid of honor," Tony said, his tone sounding matter-of-fact, even as his cheeks turned red.

"What did you just call me?" Clint asked.

"Accipitridae. It's the biological classification family that hawks belong to," Tony said offhandedly.

"Okay," Clint said with a slight shake of his head, wondering how they got so off topic. "So, back to my death certificate," Clint said picking up the marriage license.

"Let me see that," Tony said, grabbing the paper and looking at something on the back of it before flipping it over and looking at the front again. "Clint, this marriage certificate is from some website called fakedocuments dot com and the name of the minister that married you is Elvis Presley," Tony said showing Clint the website printed on the back and the signature on the front.

"We got married by an Elvis impersonator?" Clint asked with a groan.

"No stupid, you didn't get married at all. It's a fake," Tony said waving the certificate in Clint's face.

As the words sunk in, Clint almost collapsed in relief. "Awesome! Now she might not actually kill me!"

Clint laugh of joy was interrupted by the sound of Tony's stomach growling.

"I'm hungry," Tony said unnecessarily.

"No kidding," Clint replied with a roll of his eyes. "Let's go raid the fridge."

The two of them wandered out into the hall and made their way to the kitchen. They froze when they saw Natasha was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. They looked at each other in terror a moment. Then they masked their nervousness and walked in like everything was perfectly normal.

"Hey, Tasha. How are you this morning?" Clint asked, managing to keep his tone nonchalant.

Natasha let out a low groan before replying. "I have a horrible headache."

"I'm sorry. You take something for it?" Clint asked.

"Yeah. Why do you have a plastic ring on your finger?" Natasha asked, catching sight of Clint's hand.

"Oh, uh, I was playing with it and it got stuck," Clint explained quickly.

"Oh," was her response. "Hey, did you carry me to bed last night?" Natasha asked as an afterthought. "The last thing I remember is sitting on the couch and watching a movie."

"Uh, yeah. You, uh, fell asleep on the couch and I carried you to bed," Clint said.

The truth was, Natasha had been on the couch watching a movie when Tony and Clint, already having had a few too many, stumbled in. They were planning to go out again and had been trying to persuade Natasha to go with them. She refused, saying she would much rather sit and watch her movie, and that Tony and Clint should go to bed and sleep it off. It was during this time that Tony must have spiked Natasha's hot chocolate. After that, the three of them had left together and the rest of the night was mostly a blur. There was no way, however, that Clint was going to tell Natasha any of this. One look at Tony told Clint he was thinking along the same lines.

"Maybe you should go lie down," Tony suggested, turning back to Natasha. "It might help the headache."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Natasha said and shuffled out of the room.

"How does she not remember anything from last night?" Clint asked once she was gone.

"The drug I gave her can cause loss of memory of the period while under the influence," Tony explained.

"Tony I cannot believe you had that kind of foresight," Clint said with a touch of awe.

"Well I _am_ a genius," Tony said smugly.

"It was a total coincidence, wasn't it?" Clint stated.

"Yes it was," Tony confirmed.

"We just used up all of our luck for the next year," Clint said.

"More like the next decade," Tony said.

They met each other's eyes for a long moment.

"We never speak of any of this again," Clint said.

"Agreed."


	6. Total Fall Off

**A/N This one was requested by a guest. Needstostudy, I just have to put the finishing touches on your request. I will have it up sometime tomorrow. I promise.**

**Request: What about turning the tower into a total wipeout arena.**

**Hope this meets your approval. :)**

**Total Fall Off**

As Tony woke up and opened his eyes, the first thing that went through his mind was, 'where's the dang ceiling?' He was laying on his back and staring up at the sky. He heard a groan and turned his head to see Clint laying beside him. Tony sat up a groan of his own escaping his lips as his head pounded.

"Why are we outside?" Clint asked as he too sat up.

"More importantly, why are we wet?" Tony asked, motioning to the wetsuits they were wearing.

"Maybe that's why," Clint said pointing in front of them.

"Man, we built a total wipe-out arena," Tony said.

Almost the entire roof had been converted into a total wipeout arena complete with mud and water.

"Tony, this has to be the coolest thing we've ever done, drunk or sober," Clint said.

"Let's try it out," Tony said with a gleam in his eye.

They climbed up onto the starting platform and surveyed to course.

"I don't know why we didn't do this sooner," Clint said.

"I know, right?" Tony replied with a grin.

For the next several minutes they played around on the course and were actually doing quite well until Clint tripped and fell on top of one of the big balls running parallel to the ledge of the roof. He bounced up into the air, but instead of falling into the water he fell _off the building. _

At the last second he latched onto the ledge of the roof and hung there a minute before beginning to pull himself up. He was halfway back onto the roof when Tony appeared and hauled him the rest of the way onto solid ground. They sat there for several minutes, catching their breath and coming off the adrenalin rush. Finally, in a still somewhat shaky voice Tony spoke.

"Well, I think we figured out why we didn't do this sooner."

"It seemed like such a good idea at the time, though."


	7. Stark Tower, Circus or Zoo?

**A/N This one is for needstostudy. I hope you like it. I had a blast writing it. I do take requests so if anyone has something they want to see, let me know and I'll try to write it.**

**Request: Can you write one where Tony and Clint fill Avengers Tower with wild animals (like maybe tigers, bears, wolves, cobras, birds, bats, etc.)**

**Stark Tower, Circus or Zoo?**

The first thing Clint noticed when he woke up was that he was in a bed as opposed to falling asleep on the floor. The next thing he noticed was that he wasn't in his room. Or anybody's room actually. Judging by the fact that there was nothing in the room but the standard furniture, he was pretty sure he was in one of the many guest rooms.

He got up and wandered out of the room. It didn't take him long to figure out that he was on the same floor as Tony's lab, so he decided to drop by and see if Tony was there. He made his way to the lab and sure enough there was Tony, laying sprawled in the front seat of the hot-rod completely out cold. Right next to the monkey.

_Monkey?_

Clint did a double take, blinked, and rubbed his eyes, but it didn't change what he was seeing. Sitting on the hood of the hot-rod, in front of Tony, was a small brown monkey that was staring at Tony and occasionally poking him. Of course, Tony slept right through it.

For a minute Clint just stood there unsure what to do. Then he slowly began to edge his way toward Tony. The monkey glanced up at him but didn't seem to care, so Clint walked right on up to the hot-rod.

"Tony. Hey, come on, wake up," Clint said, shaking Tony's shoulder.

Tony grunted and opened his eyes. He blinked a couple of times as the fog in his brain cleared.

"Is that a monkey?" Tony muttered. "Or am I still drunk?"

"No, that's a monkey," Clint said.

"What's it doing here?"

"I have no idea."

"Well let's see if we can figure it out," Tony said as he stumbled out of the hot-rod and made his way out of the lab.

Clint didn't have a clue where Tony was going but he followed behind him anyway. They didn't make it far, though. They were walking down the hall when they heard what sounded like a growl coming from a nearby room.

"Did you hear that?" Clint asked.

"You mean that growling sound?" Tony replied.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Tony walked over to the door of the room where the sound was coming from.

"Hang on. You hear what sounds like growling coming from a room and the first thing you do is walk right in?" Clint asked.

"Sometimes you got to run before you can walk," Tony said and opened the door.

"Is that-" Clint began nervously.

"Yeah," Tony answered in the same tone.

The two stood frozen in fear as they stared at the huge tiger standing in the room. The tiger stood motionless, staring at the two men and for a long moment everything was still. Then the tiger roared and leapt forward. Tony slammed the door and he and Clint held onto it as the tiger slammed against it.

"Jarvis lock this door and don't let anyone else through it," Tony shouted. A second later he heard the click of the lock engaging.

"That was a tiger!" Clint cried.

"Really? How did you figure that out?" Tony shot back.

Clint didn't get the chance to reply as they heard another growl, this one coming from behind them. They slowly turned and saw a big black bear standing at the end of the hall. They stood there frozen for two full seconds.

"Run," Clint squeaked.

Tony didn't have to be told twice. The two men sprinted up the hall away from the bear who took off after them.

"Go, go, go, go!" Tony yelled as they ran.

They ducked into a nearby room and shut the door behind them.

"Seriously? Monkeys and tigers and bears," Clint sent a sharp look at Tony and pointed his finger at the billionaire, "and if you say 'oh my' I will kill you. Whose stupid idea was it to turn the tower into a zoo?"

"Actually I think it's a circus, and this time I can honestly say this one's on you," Tony said.

"What?"

"You're the one who got all nostalgic and started talking about the circus," Tony stated.

"Yeah, but _you're_ the one who turned the tower into one," Clint argued.

"With you're help," Tony shot back. "Seriously, you try to do something nice for a friend," he mumbled.

Clint just ignored him and walked over to the other door in the room.

"Let's get out of here and try to figure out how to fix this," Clint said.

He opened the door and peeked out. Seeing the coast was clear, he stepped out of the room, Tony right behind him. They made it all of five minutes without any trouble. Then of course something had to happen.

"That's a wolf! That's a wolf! That's a wolf!" Clint said as he whirled around and he and Tony ran back the way they had come.

They managed to duck into the elevator before the wolf could catch them and leaned against the walls breathing heavily.

"Why would you get a wolf? Wolves aren't in the circus," Clint asked once he could breathe again.

"I like wolves," Tony said with a shrug.

"What was that about doing something nice for a friend?" Clint asked with a smirk.

"Hey, there's no reason I can't benefit from a good deed too," Tony said.

Clint rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened at the living room. They entered the room cautiously and relaxed when there didn't seem to be anything dangerous there. Just as they allowed themselves to relax, they heard a loud trumpet and whirled around to see a baby elephant standing in the living room.

"Oh, now this is just getting ridiculous," Clint cried throwing his hands up.

"Hey, at least this one isn't going to try to eat us," Tony said causing Clint to glare at him.

"Let's keep going," Clint said. "At the very least we can figure out just how many animals we're dealing with."

"Fine by me," Tony said.

So they wondered into yet another hallway and started looking into rooms. During their search they found two polar bears, a cheetah, a black panther, two Shetland ponies, a lion, a panda, and even a baby giraffe.

They had just gotten though running from a Leopard when they tentatively opened another door.

"Oh good. Penguins. Penguins are good. Penguins are safe. Penguins are… giving me the evil eye," Clint finished as every single penguin turned and stared at the two men.

"Yeah, that's not creepy at all," Tony said as the two of them began to slowly back out of the room.

Tony eased the door closed, had Jarvis lock it, and added the room to the list of rooms to not go into.

"This is just ridiculous. How did we manage to get this many animals into the tower all in one night without getting in trouble or getting killed?" Clint said.

"I'm Tony Stark. I can get anything I want whenever I want," Tony said proudly.

"You know, in this situation that's not something to be proud of," Clint said motioning to the rooms full of wild animals.

"Point taken. You know, this seemed like _such _a good idea, in theory."

"Your theories need a little work," Clint said.

Before Tony could respond they heard a yelp coming from the nearby hall. Tony and Clint rounded the corner to see Steve, Bruce, and Thor standing pressed up against a wall staring at a snake slithering on the opposite wall. The site of three of Earth's mightiest heroes cowering at the site of a snake was actually kind of funny.

"I got this," Clint said patting Tony on the shoulder.

He walked over and positioned himself near the snake then quick like lightning his hand shot out and grabbed the snake behind the head.

"Crap! Clint, what are you doing?" Tony exclaimed.

"Relax Tony, it's a speckled kingsnake. They're not poisonous, and they actually eat other snakes," Clint said.

He opened the closest room and looked inside. Once he was sure it was empty he tossed the snake inside and closed the door.

"What is going on?" Steve cried. "Why is the tower a zoo?"

"Actually it's supposed to be a circus but that kind of went awry," Tony said.

"Tony, why are there snakes in the halls and bald eagles in my room?" Steve asked.

"And otters in the bathtubs, seals in the showers, an alligator in one pool, and a hippo in the other?" Bruce added.

"And small striped horses, long horned stags, and a great horned and armored beast in the gym?" Thor tossed out causing Tony and Clint to look at him funny.

"Zebras, Antelopes, and a Rhinoceros," Bruce explained.

"Jarvis add all of those to the list with the others," Tony said.

"Others?" three voices asked in unison.

"We're working on it. Feel free to join us if you want," Tony said.

He motioned to Clint and the two of them walked up the hall to continue their mini safari. Once again they didn't make it very far before they heard a womanly shriek. The five men ran toward the sound and found Natasha barreling out of a room and into the hall slamming the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" Clint asked.

"Spiders," she replied.

"Seriously? The Black Widow is afraid of spiders," Tony asked, putting forth a monumental effort to not laugh.

"Hey, I may be The Black Widow but that doesn't mean I like hanging out with tarantulas," Natasha snapped.

"Jarvis," Tony said but his AI beat him to it.

"_I have already locked the room and added it to the list, sir."_

"Stark! What is going on?" Natasha demanded.

Tony knew better than to lie or deflect when Natasha was that ticked.

"We may have turned the tower into a circus slash zoo."

"Why?" Natasha asked through gritted teeth.

"Because we were drunk and Circus Boy was being nostalgic and it seemed like a good idea and please don't hurt me," Tony said all in one breath.

Before she could strangle Tony and Clint, there was yet another scream and the group took off towards it. It was coming from one of the studies and the team burst through the door to see Pepper cowering behind a desk while a parrot and a bat played chase around the room. Without hesitation, Tony ducked low and darted over to the desk. He grabbed Pepper's hand and ran with her back to the door as the parrot and bat circled overhead. Once outside, the door was slammed shut once more and Jarvis automatically locked it.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked once they were safe.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It just startled me," Pepper replied. "How did those get in there?"

"Must have been part of the exhibit," Clint said earning a glare from Tony.

Clint just glared back, his expression clearly saying, 'you ratted me out to my girlfriend so I ratted you out to yours.'

Tony's expression clearly replied: 'my girlfriend won't kill you if you evade the question.'

"Exhibit? What are you talking about?" Pepper asked.

"We got drunk last night and turned the tower into either a circus or a zoo, we're not sure which," Clint rattled off.

Instead of getting mad like everyone expected, Pepper just sighed resignedly. "How bad?"

"A monkey, a tiger, a bear, a wolf, a baby elephant, two polar bears, a cheetah, a black panther, two Shetland ponies, a lion, a panda, a baby giraffe, a leopard," Tony began.

"penguins, a snake, bald eagles, otters, seals, an alligator, a hippo, zebras, antelopes, a rhino, spiders, and apparently at least one parrot and one bat," Clint finished.

The others looked at Tony and Clint in amazement and disbelief at just how much of a disaster the two men were capable of creating. Before anyone had a chance to speak, though, Jarvis pipped up.

"_Sir, I have the New York Zoo and The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus on lines one and two respectively. They seem to be inquiring about some missing animals."_

Once again, Pepper didn't get mad, much to Tony's relief. She just took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking.

"Just, fix it."

Then she turned and walked away.


	8. Holograms and Hunger Games

**A/N Thank you guys so much for all the awesome reviews! I read each and every one and they make my day so much better. :)**

**Requested by Guest: What about the tower turning into a Hunger Games arena? Playing with computer systems whilst drunk isn't a good idea.**

**Holograms and Hunger Games**

When Tony first woke up, in that moment when he became aware of reality again but before he opened his eyes, he wondered why his bed was scratchy. Then he opened his eyes. The reason his bed was scratchy was because he wasn't in a bed. He was laying on the sand of some beach and, unsurprisingly, Clint was laying next to him. The archer was laying with his knees pulled up to his chest his face pressed into the sand and his butt sticking up in the air. It took everything Tony had to not bust out laughing.

"Hey, Bird Seed. Wake up," Tony said with a chuckle as he poked Clint's shoulder.

The archer grunted and rolled over onto his back. Tony could no longer hold it, and busted out laughing as he caught sight of the side of Clint's face which was completely coated in sand. The sound of Tony's laughter woke Clint and he sat up quickly.

"What! Wha-"

Once his surroundings and Tony's laughing penetrated his sleep fogged brain he relaxed.

"What's so funny?" Clint asked.

"You had to be there," Tony said, waving off the question as he regained control of himself.

Clint just shrugged it off and reached up to his face.

"Why is there sand on my face?" Clint asked brushing it off.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because we're on a beach. Seriously, for a master spy, sometimes you're not very observant," Tony said.

"Hey, I've got a hangover. I'm entitled to be able to overlook some things," Clint said defensively.

"Some things? Clint, not noticing something like different color sheets or a missing object from a room is overlooking some things. Not picking up on the fact that you're on a beach, is overlooking a _lot_ of things," Tony said.

"Where are we anyway? I don't recognize this beach. And that's a jungle. Does New York have jungles? Because I don't think New York has any jungles," Clint said as he looked at the many trees behind them.

"I don't know where we are but this place does seem familiar somehow," Tony mumbled.

"Yeah, to me too," Clint said, "but I can't place it."

"Well, maybe we'll figure it out later," Tony said. "But for now, let's look around. There's only water that way," he said pointing to the ocean that stretched out as far as they could see, "so let's try looking in the jungle."

"Works for me," Clint said with a shrug.

The two of them headed off into the forest, seeing nothing but trees.

"There's something not natural about this place," Clint said. "There are no animals or birds, not even any sounds. That's not normal."

"I know what you mean, Big Bird," Tony said. "It's a little eerie but let's keep going."

For the next ten minutes the two men explored the jungle, seeing no sign of any other living creature. Suddenly both men dove to the ground as a bolt of lightning came out of nowhere and struck a tree not fifty feet from them. They looked up to see the tree still fully intact and unharmed.

"Uh oh," Tony said.

"I hate it when you say 'uh oh,'" Clint said.

"I think I know where we are."

"Where?" Clint asked eagerly.

"I think were on one of the floors of the tower," Tony replied.

"You have a jungle in your tower?" Clint asked skeptically.

"No, Dumb-Dumb. I think we built a jungle in the tower, and not just any jungle. We built a Hunger Games arena," Tony explained.

"You have _got _to be kidding me," Clint said incredulously. "Why would we build a Hunger Games arena?"

"Well, Katniss, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony replied. "Now shush I'm trying to think," Tony said cutting off whatever Clint was about to say.

"Okay, it looks like we built the arena from the second book, so it's the one that was a clock. Every hour is a different dangerous thing. Right now it's lightning. What comes next?" Tony said thinking out loud. "Killer monkeys?"

"No, it was toxic fog then killer monkeys," Clint said.

"You've read the books," Tony said laughing.

"Hey, so have you," Clint shot back.

"Touche. But the only reason I read them was to get more Katniss jokes to use on you," Tony said.

"Uh huh, sure," Clint replied.

"Come on we need to get away from here before the fog comes," Tony said.

"Well which way is the fog going to come from?" Clint asked looking around.

"Um, I'm not sure. We probably made this pretty close to the book so the fog shouldn't be able to get to the beach. We should be safe there," Tony reasoned.

"Which way is the beach?" Clint asked

"How should I know? I wasn't paying attention," Tony said with a shrug.

"What else is new?" Clint said with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Tony cried indignantly.

"Tony, you never pay attention," Clint said.

"Huh? What did you say, I wasn't paying attention," Tony said sarcastically.

"Let's just find the beach," Clint said with a sigh.

For the next half hour they wondered in circles in the jungle and came no closer to finding the beach.

"Seriously does this place not have an exit?" Clint cried in frustration. "We are trapped in a fictional place that we put together and that is trying to kill us. Karma hates us."

"What else is new?" Tony asked.

Clint didn't have a response to that. Even if he did, he wouldn't have been able to use it because as he looked at Tony he saw it.

"Tony, run!" Clint cried pointing behind the billionaire.

Tony spun around and saw a huge white cloud drifting toward them. As one, Clint and Tony took off running, leaping over brush and dodging trees as they went. No matter how fast they ran, though, the cloud slowly began to gain on them. Suddenly Tony tripped and went crashing painfully to the jungle floor. Clint heard the noise and looked back to see Tony sprawled on the ground. He ran back to the billionaire and started to pull Tony to his feet before he saw the vines hopelessly tangled around Tony's legs. Yes, karma really really hated them.

"Go!" Tony said as he looked from the foliage around his feet and back to Clint. "Go! Get out of here!"

"What! I'm not leaving you here!" Clint cried.

"Clint, I'm as good as dead. Go!" Tony yelled as he forcefully pushed Clint away from him in an attempt to get the archer to leave.

"No! Tony I am not going to abandon you!" Clint yelled in outrage, grabbing the front of Tony's shirt.

"You're not abandoning me. I'm telling you to go. Save yourself," Tony said, his voice taking on a pleading tone as he gripped one of Clint's arms.

"Tony, you, me, the others, we're a team and... and we're a family. That's not how we do things and you know it. I am not leaving you."

There was no time for any further argument as the cloud was suddenly upon them. They both held their breath, closed their eyes, and clung to each other knowing they were about to die. They waited. And waited. And waited.

Nothing happened. Tony opened his eyes and tentatively took in a breath. Nothing. He couldn't even feel the cloud. If he wasn't seeing it with his own eyes then he would have sworn it wasn't there. Tony and Clint shared a look of confusion and disbelief before a light bulb suddenly went off in Tony's head.

"It's not real," he murmured.

"What?" Clint asked.

"It's not real," Tony repeated louder.

"What's not real?" Clint asked.

"This," Tony said motioning around them. "All of it. It's all fake."

"What are you talking about?"

"Clint, we didn't build a Hunger Games arena. If we did, how would we get it to work? The lightning we could generate, I guess, but how could we make a killer fog that could be controlled, put on a timer, and restricted to certain areas? And even completely wasted, would we really do something so blatantly dangerous?" Tony asked.

"Tony, what are you getting at?" Clint asked, his eyes narrowing.

"We could have made a jungle but it would have been so much easier to _program_ it instead," Tony said.

"Huh?"

"Clint, this," Tony motioned around them again, "all of this, is a hologram. The arena, the lightning, the fog, it's all holographic."

Clint stared at Tony for a full two minutes without blinking. Tony had a feeling everything was about to go to pot so he quickly got his feet untangled and scooted a little away from the seemingly catatonic archer. Eventually, Clint took one long blink.

"Tony, I am going to _kill_ you," he said through gritted teeth as his face turned beet red.

Tony didn't say a word. He leapt to his feet and took off running as fast as he could, Clint right behind him.

"Jarvis, door!" Tony commanded.

Suddenly a door opened twenty feet away from him and he made a b-line to it. He careened through the door and into a hallway. He kept running taking random turns and doors as he sought to stay ahead of his enraged friend. At some point they found themselves in the living room where the rest of the team and Pepper were. Said people watched dumbfounded as Tony ran circles around the furniture as Clint apparently tried to get his hands on the billionaire's throat.

"Hey what happened to 'we're a team and a family?'" Tony yelled.

The only answer he received was a furious and savage roar from a certain murderous archer.


	9. All Hallows Eve

**Requested by TT: How about Tony and Clint get so drunk they steal Nick Fury's eyepatch (or patches if he has more than one pair).**

**Since Halloween is coming up next week I decided to put a Halloween spin on it. :)**

**All Hallows Eve**

Clint woke sluggishly and it took him a minute to realize he couldn't see out of one eye. He reached up to his face and pulled off... an eyepatch? Why on Earth was he wearing an eyepatch? Where would he even get an-

_Oh, crap!_

Clint sat up quickly and looked down at himself. Sure enough, he was wearing a long black trench coat.

"I hate you, Tony," he mumbled under his breath. It had been Tony's idea after all.

"Well that's hardly fair. I give you the best Halloween ever and you hate me for it?" Tony said as he entered the room, also decked out in a trench coat and eyepatch.

"Yeah, you gave us a great Halloween and ensured that the next one will be something unique also, considering we'll be dead by then and can haunt people," Clint said.

"Oh we'll be fine," Tony said waving it off.

"Tony, we got drunk last night, stole two of Fury's trench coats and eyepatches, and went as him for Halloween," Clint said.

"It seemed like a good-"

"Idea at the time," Clint finished. "I know, but somehow I don't think Fury will see it that way. Especially since we introduced ourselves as Nick Fury of SHIELD when we trick or treated, and when we toilet papered that house in his name, and told the cops who tried to arrest us, that our names were Nick Fury and that we were the Directors of the government agency know as SHIELD," Clint said.

"Yeah, that might come back to bite us," Tony said.

Clint just face palmed.

"Hey, I know what will cheer you up. Wait here," Tony said as he disappeared out the door.

A minute later he returned carrying two pillow cases full of something. He walked over and upended the contents onto the floor in front of Clint. Two huge piles of candy came tumbling out of the cases.

"Look at the haul we made last night," Tony said. "Our costumes were scary enough that people gave us candy without asking any questions."

"Well I guess if we're going to die over it we can at least enjoy the spoils of our stupidity," Clint said, reaching for a Hershey's bar.

"That's the spirit," Tony said sitting down beside him and picking up a Kit-Kat.

They sat there munching on candy, sifting through their hauls, and trading each other for their favorite candy for several minutes.

"Hey I just thought of something," Clint said as he finished putting his candy back into the pillow case. "Fury has seven eyepatches, one for every day of the week. He might not notice two of them missing right away."

"Huh, I would have pegged Fury as a lot of things but quirky wasn't one of them," Tony said.

"Everybody has quirks Tony," a voice said out of nowhere startling the two men.

"Man, Phil! Don't _do _that!" Clint cried, his hand over his racing heart.

"You just love doing that don't you?" Tony stated more than asked.

Phil just gave them what looked suspiciously like an amused smirk.

"I have no idea what you mean Mr. Stark."

"Of course you don't. So why are you here?" Tony asked. "Fury send you to kill us?"

"No, I'm just here to retrieve some _borrowed _property," Phil said with a small (and Tony would say terrifying) smile.

Without a word the two men removed their coats and eyepatches and handed them to Phil.

"Thank you," Phil said and grabbed their bags of candy.

"Hey, those are ours," Tony protested.

"Actually, they belong to Nick Fury of SHIELD you said so yourselves last night," Phil said causing Tony's expression to change to something very closely resembling a pout.

"So, that's it? We're off the hook?" Clint asked hopefully.

"Oh no. You're not off the hook. Director Fury is definitely going to make you pay," Phil assured.

"What's he going to do?" Tony asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise," Phil said as he left and this time his grin was definitely terrifying.

"I think I just decided what Halloween costume I'm going to wear next year," Tony said.

"Don't you dare. One Phil Coulson is enough and you'll traumatize Steve," Clint said.

They both paused and looked at each other, grins slowly splitting their faces.

"Actually, I think you're onto something there, Tony. You're smart. You think you can make realistic lifelike masks that can make us look like Phil?" Clint asked a plan forming in his mind.

"I see where you're going. We can make ourselves look exactly like Coulson and go around making it look like Phil really can be in two places at once," Tony said, a gleam in his eye.

"We'll make everyone think they're going crazy," Clint said.

"And we'll have all year to perfect it. Next year is going to be the best Halloween ever, and we owe it all to getting drunk and stealing Fury's eyepatches last night," Tony said throwing his arm around Clint's shoulders.

"Uh oh. I think I just found the fatal flaw in our plans. We're never going to make it to next Halloween because Fury is going to kill us first," Clint said.

"You are such a party pooper sometimes."


	10. Maybe

**A/N To everyone who made a request, don't worry I am working on them. I promise. My Spanish class was canceled and while I was waiting for my next class to start this idea struck and I just had to write it. Hope you guys enjoy. :)**

… **Maybe**

"You bought a horse?" Pepper exclaimed into the phone.

She, Steve, Natasha, Thor, and Bruce were all sitting together in the tower, listening to the call on speaker phone.

"Why would you buy a horse?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony replied lamely.

"You were drunk, weren't you?" she stated more than asked.

"… Maybe," Tony said slowly.

"Well, at least you just bought something instead of doing something stupid," Pepper sighed.

For several long seconds there was nothing but silence coming from the phone.

"You _didn't_ do anything stupid, right?"

"_I _didn't," was Tony's vague reply.

"What do you mean _you _didn't?" Pepper demanded.

Before Tony could come up with an answer, realization dawned on Natasha as she glanced around the room.

"Tony, is Clint with you?" the spy asked.

"… Maybe."

"What. Happened?" she demanded.

"Well, Legolas might have thought it was a good idea to ride the horse in a race," Tony said hesitantly.

"I'll kill him," Natasha said.

"You might want to wait until he's out of traction first," Tony replied.

"Traction? What happened?" Bruce cut in.

"Its funny really. Cupid actually managed to win the race and he was so excited he decided to jump off the horse and do a flip in the air. He flipped all right but he didn't exactly land on his feet," Tony explained.

"Was he drunk too?" Natasha asked.

"… Maybe."

"Tony Stark, do you have any idea what I am going to do to you when you get back here?" Pepper asked in a deceptively sweet voice that was undermined by the furious tone underneath.

"Uh… shh… you're breaking up… shh… call you later… shh."

The call disconnected.


	11. Switched

**A/N Sorry it's been so long guys. This week has been crazy for me and it doesn't look like it's going to slow down anytime soon, but to those of you who have made a request, I will do my best to get them done as soon as possible.**

**Requested by needstostudy: How about after Stark watches Freaky Friday drunk, he creates a body switching device and switches Clint's and Natasha's bodies (since drunk Clint said he wanted to understand Natasha better). Also I would like to see how both Clint and Natasha would react when they wake up in different bodies. **

**Switched**

When Natasha woke up she was confused as to why she was laying in the hallway. She didn't remember laying down there, but at the same time, she didn't remember making it to bed either. She got up and began to wonder down the hall as she racked her brain for details from the night before. Her train of thought was abruptly cut off, though, as she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and whirled to see Clint standing next to her.

"Clint?"

Her hand jumped to her throat in alarm, as a very familiar and very male voice came from her throat. Then she looked down at herself and saw Clint's clothes on her body.

"Oh, no," she whispered. She stepped closer to 'Clint' and slowly reached out towards him. Her hand touching the glass confirmed that it really was a mirror.

"This can't be happening. This can't be possible," she murmured. Except it could be possible. "Tony!" she hissed as her alarm turned to anger in an instant.

If anyone could make whatever happened, happen it was Tony Stark, the walking dead man.

**)()()(**

Tony sat up and rubbed his head as he returned to the land of the conscious. He was sitting in the middle of the floor in his lab completely hungover. As he groaned at the pounding in his head, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and he turned to see, none other than, Natasha laying several feet away, next to the door.

"Natasha?" he asked.

"Where?" Natasha said as she sat bolt upright and looked around frantically.

Tony looked at her, wondering if he was just that hungover or if Natasha had had a bit to drink the night before also. She looked around a bit more and seeing no one looked back at Tony.

"Ha ha, Tony. Very funny," she said.

Tony was beginning to worry that there was something seriously wrong with her when the tone of voice and the look on her face dawned on him and his eyes widened.

"Clint?" he asked in disbelief.

"What?" Natasha, or rather Clint, said.

"Oh crap!" Tony cried.

"What?" Natasha/Clint asked looking at him worriedly.

"Nata- uh, Clint, look at yourself," Tony said.

"Why? Are you still drunk?" Natasha/Clint asked as she/he looked down. "Aw man. I'm wearing Natasha's clothes again," he/she moaned.

"Please tell me you aren't that dumb," Tony dead-panned.

"What?" Natasha/Clint asked.

"Nata- uh, Clint, look at yourself. Do you really have that kind of figure?"

Clint looked down at her/himself again his eyes widening as well. "I need a mirror. I need a mirror!" he cried as he scrambled to her/his feet.

She/he ran over to the small sink on the wall and looked in the mirror. The only problem was, it wasn't her/his face staring back at her/him.

"Tony!" Natasha/Clint cried as she/he whirled around. "What-" she/he cut off unsure what to say.

"We did it," Tony replied.

"Did what?"

"We switched you and Clin- uh Natasha. You know I just can't get this in my head. I keep wanting to call you 'her' and 'she' and Natasha," Tony said.

"I'm not any of those. I am Clint, 'he,' 'his,' 'him!'" Na- Clint cried.

"Well, technically, you actually are her and she at the moment."

It was amazing how much the look on Clint's (well technically Natasha's) face looked like Natasha's famous death glare. It was actually pretty creepy how well Clint pulled that off.

"How did I get this way?" Clint asked.

"I told you, we did it," Tony said unhelpfully.

"Did _what_?" Clint exploded.

"Switched your body with Natasha's."

"Okay, before I ask how we did that, I want to know _why _we did that," Clint said.

"Oh, you mean aside from the fact that it seemed like a good idea at the time?" Tony said. "We watched _Freaky Friday_ last night and you wanted me to build something to switch you and Natasha so you could understand her better. I guess I succeeded."

"No duh!" Clint said scathingly. "Wait! If I'm in Nat's body then that means..." he trailed off as the full implications began to sink in.

"That means that you are dead," Tony said cheerily.

"Well, if I go down, I'm taking you with me," Clint said.

"Sellout," Tony said.

Clint opened his mouth to say something when who should happen to walk in?

"You two are dead!" Natasha growled, sounding remarkably like herself despite being in Clint's body.

"It was his idea," Tony said pointing at Clint.

"Sellout," Clint shot back.

"Hey, golden rule and all that," Tony said.

"You two better start explaining before I decide to shoot you both," Natasha said.

"You might want to rethink that," Tony said. "If you kill me, you'll never get switched back, and if you kill Katniss, then you'll be killing your own body and, again, you will never get switched back."

Natasha took a deep breath to reign in her murderous anger. "Explain. Now," she demanded.

"Pink eye was watching _Freaky Friday_ last night and kind of thought that if I could switch your bodies then it would help him understand you better," Tony explained.

"So, do you understand me better?" Natasha asked sarcastically.

"Yep absolutely. All better now. We can change back anytime," Clint said hurriedly hoping to curb her anger a least a little.

"Good," Natasha said forcing herself to remain civil (at least for the moment). "Stark, change us back. Now."

"Right, I will definitely do that. Just as soon as I figure out how I did it in the first place," Tony replied.

"You don't know?" Clint cried.

"I can't remember that part," Tony admitted, "but I'm sure I can figure it out," he added hastily as Natasha began to look at him in that 'your time on this Earth is limited' kind of way.

Tony sidestepped Natasha (being sure to give her a wide berth) and began looking around the lab for anything new or unusual. It didn't take him long to find the strange little device sitting on the floor on the other side of the lab.

"I think I found it," he said and was joined by Natasha and Clint.

Tony knelt down beside the device and looked it over. He didn't have the foggiest idea how it worked but he could tell how to work it and once he had his two friends back to normal he planned to reverse engineer it to see how it worked (provided of course that he was still alive).

"All right you two stand over there," Tony said pointing at the wall that the device was facing.

The two assassins complied and stood side-by-side facing the strange machine.

"Well, here goes nothing," Tony said and pushed a button on the side of the thing.

There was a whirring noise and a beam of light shot out of it and enveloped the two assassins. Suddenly the device started sparking and smoking. Tony jumped back out of the way as the whirring got louder and higher pitched. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was coming. Tony dove behind a nearby desk just as the thing gave a loud pop and a small shower of sparks flew out of it. Then everything was still and silent. The device was black and had smoke coming out of it but that didn't last long as Dummy finally got it right and shot the smoking metal with the fire extinguisher.

Tony got up and quickly moved over to where Natasha and Clint were. The two assassins were alive and unharmed but were unconscious.

"Hey, Natasha, Clint. Come on guys," Tony said shaking them gently.

After a few minutes of this, he finally gave up on personal safety and abandoned the gentle approach he moved over to the sink and filled two cups with water. Then he went back over to the two unconscious Avengers and looked at them for a full second before throwing a cup of water in each of their faces and leaping back at the same time. Both assassins sat bolt upright brandishing knives from who knows where, ready to maim anyone stupid enough to be near them. Once they got their barrings the knives disappeared, presumably, back to where they had came from.

"You guys okay?" Tony asked hesitantly.

"I think so," Clint (or at least whoever was in his body) said.

"Clint?" Tony asked hopefully.

"Yeah?" Clint in Clint's body said.

"It worked!" Tony exclaimed.

"What worked? And why are we wet?" Natasha asked.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Tony asked, avoiding the question..

"I was watching a movie. _Freaky Friday_ I think was the name of it. You guys came in and started watching it with me then it's blank until now," Natasha replied.

"Same here," Clint added.

If it wouldn't have given him away, Tony would have leaped into the air and whooped for joy.

"Oh, yeah. I came down here before the movie was done. You guys finished the movie and wondered down here to, uh, check on me and, uh, one of my machines exploded and knocked us out. I just woke up a little while ago," Tony said, hoping beyond hope that they wouldn't be able to tell he was lying through his teeth.

"Nobody got hurt did they?" Natasha asked.

"No. We're all good," Tony assured.

"Good. Try to be more careful next time, Stark," Natasha reprimanded as she stood up.

"Will do," Tony readily agreed.

"I'm going to get something to eat you coming Clint?" Natasha asked, all but dismissing Tony from her thoughts.

"Yeah, food sounds good," he said and, together, they left the room.

Tony heaved a huge sigh of relief. The machine, or maybe just coincidence, had wiped their memories. Now he was the only one who knew what had happened and if he wanted to make it to a ripe old age, then that knowledge would never spread any further.

"Jarvis, wipe all security footage of what happened last night and that knowledge is never to be shared with anyone. Ever," Tony said.

"_Understood, sir."_

"And as for this," Tony said picking up the mostly destroyed device, "I don't think I want to know."

He then proceeded to throw it into a trash compactor and squash it until it was nothing but one single hunk of mental that he had Dummy dispose of. There were some things that were just better left alone.


	12. Gobble Gobble

**A/N Sorry this took so long guys. My aunt died last week so between the visitation and the funeral and my teachers loading us up with work before the holidays I haven't had time to even think about writing fanfic until now. **

**And to everyone who made requests, I haven't forgotten about them, I promise. I am working on them, I just wanted to get this Thanksgiving themed one out before, you know, Thanksgiving. Let me know what you think of it. :) **

**Gobble Gobble**

Tony and Clint were sitting on the couch watching TV with the volume turned down really really low.

They had woken up a couple of hours before and had neither seen nor heard any damage, embarrassing or incriminating news casts, or any yelling or death threats, so they figured the previous night had gone okay.

Since then they had taken some aspirin and decided to sit in the living room with the lights dimmed and drink their coffee, while they waited for their pounding heads to stop punishing them.

That was where they were when they heard a startled shriek (that was unmistakeably Pepper's) come from the kitchen. Their heads snapped toward the sound and they hesitated for all of one second before jumping up from the couch and all but sprinting to the kitchen.

They skidded to a halt in the doorway and looked to see Pepper standing in the middle of the kitchen, a hand over her heart, and staring at the open stove. But it wasn't the stove itself, but rather what was _in_ the stove that had her attention. There, sitting in the cold open oven was a turkey, and not the kind you get out of the freezer.

"What is that?" Pepper asked in surprise.

"Um, a turkey," Tony answered.

"I know what it is," Pepper said, giving Tony an exasperated look. "What is it doing here?"

"Well, Thanksgiving _is_ just around the corner," Clint said.

Pepper gave him a look that made the SHIELD agent decide it was in his best interest to shut up.

"How did it get in here?" she asked, turning back to the oven.

"How should we know?" Tony asked.

"Well, you two brought it here," Pepper replied.

"We don't remember anything like that. So it might not have even been us," Tony protested.

Pepper gave him a look that said she _completely _believed in that theory.

"Okay, yeah, it was probably us," Tony admitted.

"Just take it back to wherever you got it from," Pepper sighed.

"Consider it done, Pep."

Tony and Clint moved into the room. Clint stayed on one side of the room while Tony eased over to the other side. The whole time the turkey seemed to be watching their every move. To say it was creepy was just a bit of an understatement.

The two men began to move closer to the turkey, keeping it cornered in the stove, but just as they lunged forward to grab the bird it flapped its wings and flew out of the stove, over their heads, and across the room before landing in the doorway. Tony and Clint lunged after it, causing it to take off running out the door and up the nearby hallway with the two avengers right on its tail, no pun intended.

They careened around turns alternately lunging and diving at the bird but to no avail. Each time, the turkey just managed to jump or flap out of reach. This went on for several minutes until Tony and Clint were forced to skid to a halt as a door opened and Steve appeared in the hall. The Captain was forced to jerk back quickly as a turkey flew within an inch of his chest.

"What the-" Steve caught sight of Tony and Clint standing, out of breath, and staring at the turkey. "What are you doing?"

"Playing tiddlywinks. What does it look like we're doing?" Tony replied sarcastically.

"Why did you bring a turkey into the tower?" Steve asked.

"What makes you think we did it?" Tony asked.

Steve just gave them a look.

"Okay, yeah we did it," Tony said.

"Why did you do it?" Steve asked.

"Thanksgiving is coming up," Clint said again.

Steve just gave him a look that eerily resembled Pepper's.

"We don't have time for this," Tony said. "In case you haven't noticed, we have a turkey to catch."

"Want some help?" Steve asked.

To be honest Tony and Clint didn't really want to admit that they needed help but they had been chasing that turkey for about ten minutes with no progress. Not to mention the fact that they were still hungover and their heads were killing them.

"Sure," Tony agreed. You know, desperate times and all that.

The chase began once more but even with the addition of Steve they still couldn't seem to get a hold of the turkey. They did, however, nearly get a hold of Thor (if you consider almost colliding with him 'nearly getting a hold of').

The turkey, of course, just flew over Thor's head and landed a few feet behind him and sat there seemingly mocking its three pursuers.

"My friends, what are you doing?" Thor asked.

"We're trying to catch that turkey," Steve said pointing at the the bird.

"Why did you bring a fowl indoors?" Thor asked looking at Tony and Clint.

"What makes you think- Oh forget it. It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said making an excuse.

"Do you require assistance?" Thor asked.

"It couldn't hurt to have another set of hands," Steve said.

"Very good!" Thor boomed slapping Steve on the shoulder. "We will catch us this bird."

Thor bounded off after the turkey with the other three following along behind him and over the next few minutes the turkey continued to avoid capture. The four of them briefly lost sight of it as it somehow managed to get into an elevator and ride down one floor. Although how it accomplished that, the four men didn't have a clue.

They quickly took the stairs and nearly bowled Natasha and Bruce (both of which preferred to take the stairs) over on their way down. Thor, who was leading, suddenly came to an abrupt stop and if it hadn't been for the Norse warrior's strength he would have been sent toppling as the other three men slammed into his back.

"What are you doing?" Natasha asked.

"Chasing a particularly eluding fowl," Thor replied.

"What?" Bruce asked confusedly.

"We're chasing a turkey," Tony translated.

"What turkey?" Natasha asked.

"The one that took the elevator," Clint replied.

It wasn't really all that surprising that Natasha and Bruce looked at them like they were all nuts.

"Okay, letting that go for a moment, why did you bring a turkey into the tower?" Bruce asked as he and Natasha both looked right at Tony and Clint.

"Why does everyone always assume it's our fault?" Tony cried.

"Maybe because it usually is," Natasha said dryly. "Now answer the question, why is there a turkey in the elevator?"

Everyone paused for a moment. That had to be the strangest question any of them had ever heard.

"Thanksgiving is coming up," Clint tried one last time.

The look on Natasha's face mirrored that of Pepper's and Steve's before her and Clint finally gave up on using that excuse.

"It seemed like a good idea. Now we're wasting time. Feather Butt Number Two could be getting away," Tony griped.

"Number two?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, he's already Feather Butt," Tony said pointing at Clint. "Although, I suppose we could call the turkey Feather Butt Jr. if you like that better."

"You guys want some help?" Bruce asked before Clint could slap Tony upside the head.

"Why not? The more the merrier," Tony said hustling everybody down the last few stairs.

The six of them exited the stairs and saw 'Feather Butt Jr.' sitting right outside the elevator and looking at them as if he had been waiting for them; and just like that, the chase resumed.

For the next twenty minutes the mighty heroes known as the Avengers chased a turkey around their home without so much as catching a feather. Finally they stopped to take a break and the turkey stopped a few feet away like he was waiting on them.

"This is getting ridiculous," Tony said. "We've got to try something different."

"What do you suggest?" Clint asked.

"Let's see if we can herd it into one of the rooms," Tony said.

"Yeah, then it won't have so much room to get away from us," Clint added.

"That could work," Bruce said.

"Hey, don't sound so surprised," Tony said. "We come up with good ideas sometimes."

The other four Avengers let that one slide without comment.

"All right let's give it a shot," Steve suggested.

The others gathered together and began to chase the turkey again but when they came to a hallway intersection and the turkey went straight, only the first three Avengers followed it. That left Steve, Tony, and Clint to duck right in an attempt to get ahead of it and cut it off. They sprinted ahead and just managed to get back to the central hallway just before the bird got there.

"Jarvis, open that door," Tony said pointing toward a nearby door.

The turkey caught sight of the three men and then the open door. As expected, it diverted its path and ran into the room. The six Avengers followed it and shut the door behind them. Three broken lamps, two demolished chairs, a broken bed, and a thoroughly ransacked room later, and Tony was holding the surprisingly docile turkey in his hands, being sure to keep its wings pinned to its body so it couldn't fly away.

"I'm glad that's over," Bruce said sitting down on the broken bed.

"Aw come on, it wasn't that bad," Tony said. "You've got to admit, it was kind of fun."

"Yeah, I guess it was," Bruce admitted.

"So what are we going to do with him?" Clint asked, reaching out and stroking the bird's head.

"You said it yourself, thanksgiving is right around the corner," Natasha said.

"We can't do that to him! Not after everything we've been through together," Clint protested.

"Everything we've been through together? You mean us chasing it for the last half hour?" Natasha said.

"Come on, Natasha, look at him. Can you really hurt that sweet little face?" Tony said jokingly and Natasha scowled at him. "But really, we could keep him. He could be our mascot or something. At the very least he could be our team trainer. I don't know about you guys but I just got my exercise for the day."

"It was a pretty good little run," Steve admitted.

"And it was actually fun," Bruce added.

"Feather Butt Jr. is a worthy opponent," Thor bellowed.

"Come on, Tasha, let's keep him," Clint said.

"Fine, but you two are house training it," she said pointing at Tony and Clint.

"Deal," they agreed in unison.

"You hear that Feather Butt Jr. you get to stay here," Tony said.

"We are so changing that name," Clint said.

"We can't do that. It's already stuck. You'll just confuse him if you go changing his name," Tony said, walking out of the room.

"Oh, no. We are _not _calling that turkey Feather Butt Jr., Tony. I won't stand for it," Clint called chasing after the billionaire.

"What was that?" Tony called back. "Feather Butt Jr. and I couldn't quite hear you."

"I think we just started something," Bruce said.

Natasha just facepalmed.

"What have I gotten us into?" she asked with a shake of her head.


	13. Hide!

**A/N This one was requested by _RedHatMeg_. I hope you like it. :)**

**Request: Maybe next time when they get drunk, they will do something to famous New York buildings. I'm sure Tony Stark can pull something off on The Statue of Liberty.**

**Hide!**

Tony was working in his lab when his music suddenly started blaring throughout the room. Usually he liked his music blaring but this was different. The music seemed to reverberate in his head. It was the 'I feel like my head is going to explode' and 'are my ears bleeding?' kind of loud.

"Jarvis, turn the music off," Tony said but received no response.

His head was pounding and he opened his mouth to call for Jarvis again when the music changed to talking. He couldn't make out what was being said, just the noise that continued to echo painfully in his ears. He focused on the voices trying to understand the garbled sounds and the more he concentrated the more he slowly became aware of reality and the fact that he wasn't working in his lab but that he was, or rather had been, asleep. The second thing he came to realize was that the talking was not part of his dream and it didn't take him long to recognize it as belonging to the TV.

_Who is the idiot that turned the TV on, _Tony thought.

"I did. Now, shut up," a voice said.

Tony made a quick mental note that his brain to mouth filer was offline before he cracked his eyes open to see Clint watching the TV.

"What are you doing?" he croaked.

Clint spared him a glance before returning his attention to the screen.

"I'm watching the news. You might want to take a look at this," Clint tossed over his shoulder.

"What is it?" Tony asked.

"It's- Well, I guess it seemed like a good idea to us at the time."

Clint's vague answer piqued Tony's interest. He gave a small groan and pushed himself into a sitting position before climbing to his feet and shuffling over to stand beside Clint.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Just watch," Clint said, pointing at the TV.

"_We now return to our top story. This morning the world woke to an interesting sight," _the newscaster began but Tony tuned out whatever else he said as some camera shots were shown on the screen. Shots that Tony and Clint were probably going to end up paying for.

The shots were of famous landmarks and well known places. There was just a little problem, the famous landmarks were a bit... altered. First they showed the Brooklyn Bridge, where a giant statue of Captain America was standing on one of the towers of the bridge, without his shield. His shield didn't stay missing long, though, as the next shot was shown. It was of the St. Louis Arch, or rather, where the arch used to be. In its place, was a giant Captain America shield.

Next came a shot of the Statue of Liberty, although now it was the Statue of Thor. Where the green lady was supposed to be, there was a giant Norse Warrior, holding a hammer in place of a torch with fake lightning flashing out of it.

This sight was followed by the Empire State Building that just so happened to have a life-size Hulk holding onto it, as a biplane, apparently controlled by remote, flew in a loop around the building.

That shot was closely followed by what was once The Great Buddha in Bihar, India. But now, apparently, it was The Great Bruce. Sitting where the Buddha statue should have been was a statue of someone who bore an uncanny resemblance to Bruce sitting in the lotus position with his eyes closed.

"Oh, the Indians are not going to like that," Tony mumbled.

"Ya think?" Clint replied.

They stopped talking as the TV switched to a new shot and Tony busted out laughing at the sight of it. It was showing Stonehenge, but this time, instead of being replaced, the landmark just had an addition. An addition of one Clint Barton. The statue of the archer was sitting inside the ring of stones, apparently making a nest out of the ancient structure.

"I've always wondered what Stonehenge was for," Tony said with a chuckle. "People throughout the ages have speculated about the purpose of Stonehenge and all along you had the answer," Tony said breaking into another fit of giggles.

"Oh, shut up," Clint said.

It was soon Clint's turn to laugh and Tony's turn to look sour, though, as the scene changed again, this time to the Golden Gate Bridge, that just so happened to have Iron Man lounging back on the suspension cables like it was a hammock.

Both of their expressions soon became horrified and fearful at the next two images. One was the Sphinx, its face having been replaced by a redheaded woman's that looked far too much like Natasha to be anyone else and the last shot was of one of the Easter Island heads, that was now a Pepper Potts head.

"They're going kill us," Clint stated matter of fact.

"More than likely," Tony agreed.

"You think Pepper will make us fix it before she kills us?" Clint asked.

"In all honesty, Natasha will probably beat her to us and she's way more likely to kill first and ask questions later," Tony replied.

"You're probably right," Clint agreed.

There was a long pause in which both men stared at the commercial that was playing on the TV.

"You think we should hide or something?" Clint asked, his tone only idly curious.

"You think it'll help?" Tony asked in the same tone.

"Probably not," Clint said with a shrug.

There was another stretch of silence which ended up being broken by Jarvis.

"_Sir, Ms. Potts and Agent Romonoff are on their way to the lab."_

Tony and Clint locked panic-filled eyes and simultaneously they both shouted one word.

"Hide!"


	14. Not In Kansas Anymore

**A/N Okay so I took a lot of liberties in this one. I don't know anything about bilgesnipe (other than what Thor said in _The Avengers_). I don't know what Asgard looks like (other than what little I saw in _Thor_). And I don't know what kind of animals (if they even have any) that are in Asgard. Basically all I know is what was on the movies and the rest I made up. So, that being said, if anything is wrong please don't get mad at me.**

**_WolfAngel62_, I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind but it's what popped into my head when I read your request. I hope you like it. :)**

**Requested by _WolfAngel62_: Could you write something with Clintasha, a bilgesnipe, and a Roman/Asgardian floor? Oh and make sure to include Thor.**

**Not In Kansas Anymore**

Being woken up by someone poking you in the face is not the most pleasant experience. In fact, if Clint had to describe it, irritating would be the mildest word he would use. Part of him (a pretty big part actually) wanted to deck whoever (Tony) it was that was poking him, but decided to make sure who it was first.

As it turned out, Clint opened his eyes to see not Tony but a small animal of some kind. It wasn't exactly a monkey but that was the closest description he could give the strange creature. He wasn't sure what it was, certainly not anything he had ever seen or heard of, but one thing was for sure if that thing was indigenous to Earth, Clint was a monkey's uncle.

When it saw Clint's eyes open, the monkey creature stopped poking him and man and monkey stared at each other for a few seconds before Clint slowly sat up. At Clint's movement, the monkey creature let out a startled squeak and ran away from him, disappearing from the room Clint found himself in.

It was a dome shaped room with an open hole in the wall that led outside. In the middle of the room was a kind of raised platform or dais. All in all it was a bit strange and definitely not somewhere Clint had been before. The room/dome was on the whole, foreign. What wasn't foreign, though, was the unconscious man laying next to him.

"Tony!" Clint barked loudly.

"Pepperony!" Tony yelled as he sat bolt upright.

"You were dreaming about pizza?" Clint asked with a chuckle.

"Pizza? What gave you that idea?" Tony asked once he got his barrings.

"You just yelled 'pepperoni,'" Clint answered.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Pizza. That's what I was dreaming about all right," Tony said quickly. "So where are we?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"I haven't quite figured that out yet," Clint replied.

"Then let's find out," Tony said climbing to his feet.

Together they walked out of the domed room and looked in awe at what they saw. They were standing on a long bridge of all different colors. In the distance was what could only be described as a huge and magnificent castle. The bridge stretched over a large body of water and connected to said castle.

"Wow, that's something else," Clint said with a whistle.

"We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto," Tony said.

"Call me Toto again and you're going to be 'off to see the wizard,'" Clint said.

"What are we waiting for let's follow the rainbow streaked bridge," Tony said.

"One more terrible _Wizard of Oz _reference and I'm going to slap you," Clint warned.

Without any further words Clint took off walking, Tony following beside him. They walked for the next ten minutes before they reached the castle.

"Oh, look. An open door. That's handy," Tony said walking right in before Clint could stop him.

"Yeah walk right into the strange unfamiliar, otherworldly castle without even a bit of caution," Clint grumbled under his breath while mentally swearing to make Tony pay if the billionaire got them captured or in some other trouble because of his lack of self preservation.

The two men entered into what appeared to be a huge, high ceiling hallway. Posh furniture, drapery, and carpets lined the way.

"So should we just start opening doors or what?" Tony asked.

"Why don't we just wonder down the hall and see if we run into anyone before we start an invasion of privacy?" Clint said.

"I don't know I actually-"

"It was rhetorical, Tony," Clint said effectively cutting off what was sure to be a long winded and very nonsensical monologue from the billionaire.

For someone so smart, Tony could be a bit scatterbrained at times and just plain confusing at others. So Clint quickly took off up the hall before Tony could comment or argue. They ended up walking for several more minutes before they heard voices coming up the hall. Not knowing where they were or if the people were hostile, Clint was about to grab Tony and find a place to hide when he recognized one of the voices as belonging to Thor. The archer relaxed and stayed where he was but a second later he recognized the other voice and the urge to hide rose up in him again. The second voice belonged to Natasha and she sounded mad. It was too late to hide, though, as said people appeared around a corner and caught sight of them.

"My friends, we have been looking for you everywhere!" Thor cried as he jogged toward them and grabbed them both in a bear hug.

"Thor, let go," Tony rasped out.

"Can't breathe," Clint added.

"Sorry," Thor said sheepishly as he turned them loose.

"Where are we?" Tony asked once he got his breath back.

"We're in Asgard, thanks to you two idiots," Natasha half snarled and Clint suddenly wanted to hide behind Thor for protection.

"Hey, Tasha," Clint said and he would swear his voice didn't shake. It didn't.

"Don't you 'hey, Tasha' me," she said poking Clint in the chest.

"It's your fault that we're here," she said looking at Clint and Tony both.

"How do you figure that?" Tony asked.

"You requested to come here, my friends," Thor replied.

"Thor you need to learn to never listen to us when we're drunk," Tony said.

"How do you factor into this?" Clint asked Natasha.

"I was trying to get the two of you under control when a burst of rainbow colors surrounded us and the next thing I know we're in Asgard and the two of you are running off to 'explore.' I was able to find Thor and we've been looking for the two of you the rest of the night. Now give me one good reason not to shoot you," Natasha said her tone becoming more angry as she spoke.

"Uh, you complete me?" Clint asked nervously.

Natasha slapped him on the back of the head and walked away.

"I could have told you that never works," Tony said speaking from personal experience.

"It was all I could come up with on spur of the moment and while panicking," Clint replied.

"Believe me, I understand," Tony said patting Clint on the shoulder. "I do have to say, even though we were drunk at the time and Natasha is mad at us this actually wasn't such a bad idea. I've been wanting to see Asgard. Let's look around."

"It may have seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm not so sure. I think maybe we should just go home," Clint said rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head.

"Oh, come on we're already here and we're sober now. Let's take advantage of the opportunity," Tony reasoned.

"Okay," Clint said reluctantly. "I guess it couldn't hurt."

"Great, it's all set," Tony said slapping Clint on the shoulder and jogging to catch up with Thor and Natasha a little ways up the hall.

"Why do I have the feeling this isn't going to end well?" Clint mumbled as he followed.

Thor led them up the hall a ways before stopping at a huge set of double doors. He pushed one of them open and the four of them walked in. The room was massive with hanging tapestries and statues lining the walls. At the far end of the room was a wooden table, which had to be at least forty feet across. Behind it there were maps, drawings, and other strategic looking documents hanging on the wall.

"This is my father's war room," Thor said as they walked in.

The room and the furniture was the first thing Tony noticed, but as they moved on into the room the floor caught his eye. The entire floor looked to be a kind of tile mosaic design. The design was made up of hundreds of triangles placed in a circular formation and was arranged in such a way that it seemed to spiral in on itself. The closest thing Tony had ever seen to it was some of the floor designs in Rome back on Earth. This floor was much bigger of course. In fact it was so big and intricate that it was a bit disorienting to look at.

"Man this floor is making me dizzy," Clint said, actually wobbling just a bit.

"My thoughts exactly," Tony agreed, just as disoriented.

"Yes, the design can be a bit much," Thor added. "I find that it helps to not stare directly at it while you're moving."

Tony and Clint took Thor's advice and made sure to focus on the walls instead. It was a strange feeling, having motion sickness while walking.

"Are all of the floors like this? Because if so I think I'll take a rain check on the tour," Tony said.

"Do not worry, my friends, this is the only room with a floor such as this," Thor assured.

"Good," Clint said in relief.

He and Tony chose not to acknowledge the fact that Natasha wasn't having a bit of a problem with the floor. She was just good at hiding it. That was it.

Fortunately, it didn't take them long to make it across the room to the door in the opposite wall and exit the room. For the next half hour, Thor gave them a tour around the castle showing them many of the extravagant and elegant rooms. Eventually, Thor led them to a door and stopped to address the rest of them.

"This leads outside. I thought perhaps we could tour the grounds and the nearby forest a bit," Thor suggested.

There were no protests, so the four of them ventured outside. They made it through the grounds and were exploring the forest, which was made up of gigantic trees so tall and big around that the three humans felt like ants amongst them. Everything was going rather well, Natasha had calmed down and was actually walking beside Clint when there was a rumbling in the ground and a crashing sound in the distance.

"What is that?" Tony asked.

"We should head back to the castle," Thor said.

"Why what's wrong?" Natasha asked.

"Nothing too troublesome. But to be on the safe side I think we should return," the warrior replied vaguely.

Thor turned to begin to lead them out of the forest but didn't make it far before there was a loud crash and a giant creature came barreling out of the trees.

"What is that!" Clint cried.

"A bilgesnipe," Thor replied. "We should probably run."

"No duh!" Tony cried as he, Clint, and Natasha took off, Thor hesitating but a moment before following on their heels.

The four of them sped through the forest, the bilgesnipe right behind them. The three humans were caught off guard as Thor suddenly began laughing.

"Isn't this great fun!" he yelled.

"What about this is fun?" Clint shot back, but the laughter was infectious and pretty soon Clint and Tony were laughing as well, unsurprisingly Natasha did not join in.

"Does the fact that we're laughing hysterically, while being chased by a giant creature bent on trampling us to death, make us crazy?" Clint asked.

"Probably," Tony answered.

They didn't get trampled, though. They made it out of the forest and once they were clear the bilgesnipe stopped following them in favor of returning to its own domain.

"Well, that was fun. What's next?" Tony asked.

Clint was about to answer when he caught sight of the not so happy look on Natasha's face and his original words died on his lips.

"I think we should probably just go on home," he said instead.

"What? Why? We're having so much fun," Tony said.

Clint cleared his throat and unobtrusively motioned to Natasha. Tony glanced at the female assassin and cleared his own throat.

"Yeah, home sounds good," he agreed.

"All right. Then to the bifrost," Thor said, oblivious to the look on Natasha's face and the nervous fidgeting from her boyfriend, who she was still glaring at, silently promising to make his life not quite so pleasant for the foreseeable future.

Thor also didn't notice when Clint purposely positioned himself so that both Thor and Tony were between himself and his irritated girlfriend. Fifteen minutes later they arrived back in the domed room that Tony and Clint had woken up in.

"What are we doing in here?" Tony asked curiously.

"From here I can transport us through space back to Midgard," Thor explained.

"There's no place like home," Tony said and a beat later Clint's hand collided with the back of the billionaire's head. "What was that for?" Tony asked rubbing his head.

"I told you, one more _Wizard of Oz _reference and I was going to slap you," Clint replied.

"No. You said one more _terrible _reference. That one wasn't terrible," Tony argued.

"That's a matter of opinion," Clint stated dryly.

* * *

**A/N If anyone is curious about what the floor looked like, I just Googled Roman Floor and it was one of the first pictures that popped up. Just looking at the picture made me dizzy I can't imagine it as a huge floor. Anyway, until next time, feel free to write a little something in that box down there. :)**


	15. The New York Times

**A/N SCHOOL IS OVER! At least, for about a month. So to celebrate we have an update! And I should have another one for you over the weekend! _And _be on the lookout sometime next week for a special Christmas themed chapter! Do I know how to celebrate or what?**

**Anyway, Alex, a guest, requested that I have Tony and Clint do something to Pepper and Natasha. I actually already had this idea in the works at the time, so here you go. Let me know what you guys think. :)**

**The New York Times**

"We've really got to stop waking up like this," Clint said with a groan.

He and Tony were in Tony's lab, having passed out there sometime the night before.

"For once, Feathers, I agree with you," Tony replied as he held a hand to his throbbing head.

Clint looked around the room while Tony staggered to his feet in search of Aspirin.

"Well, so far so good," Clint said. "Nothing's broken or out of place here. Maybe we didn't get into any trouble last night."

"Yeah, I don't remember anything too… Oh, Crap!" Tony exclaimed as a fractured memory made it's way to the forefront of his mind.

"What?" Clint said in alarm.

"Clint, please tell me you don't remember throwing water balloons last night," Tony almost begged.

Clint thought a moment before his eyes widened and his face drained of color.

"Oh, _shoot. _We didn't," Clint cried.

"I think we did," Tony said.

"Oh, no no no no. We _did not_ slingshot water balloons out of the windows using Pepper's and Natasha's lingerie."

"We did," Tony said.

"Tony, they are going to kill us!" Clint exclaimed.

"Not if we get rid of the evidence before they see it. They'll never have to know," Tony said with a smile.

Clint let out a sigh of relief and relaxed just a bit.

"You know, it seemed like such a good idea at the time but now I'm thinking not so much," Tony mused.

"No duh, Sherlock," Clint snapped.

Suddenly Tony and Clint froze and looked at each other in terror as they heard two furious female voices ring out simultaneously.

"Anthony Edward Stark!"

"Clinton Francis Barton!"

**The New York Times**

**Two Avengers Slain By Girlfriends In Fit Of Rage**

**Cour****ts Rule It To Be Justified**


	16. Real Mess

**A/N Sometimes people ask me if I have an OC and I tell them: 'just my turkey, Feather Butt Jr.' I haven't quite figured out why I get such strange looks sometimes. :)**

**But speaking of Feather Butt Jr. as requested, he makes a reappearance in this chapter. And as I promised in the last chapter, I am working on a Christmas chapter but I need everybody's input. The way I'm writing it, FBJ can be in it or not and I was wondering if you guys wanted him in it, so I'm putting it to a vote. Do you want our fine feathered friend to celebrate Christmas with the team or not? If you do, let me know. If you don't, let me know. If you could not possibly care less, let me know. :)**

**Okay, so this one was requested by _MarvelAndDCWriter. _He got it off to a great start, then sent it to me and I took it from there. So the first two paragraphs, the weapons mentioned, and the basic idea belongs to him and the rest is mine.**

**Request: Maybe you could do a story where, after watching _Real Steel_ Clint and Tony decide to do the same thing; by controlling the War Machine and Mark 7 armors to fight each other and have them destroy stuff.**

**Real Mess**

Tony groaned. His head was pounding, his back was killing him, and... sunlight was blinding him? He suddenly became more alert as he quickly sat up. His eyes widened as he realized the roof was missing. He was sitting on the hard, concrete floor on the 66th floor of the Stark Tower. Pieces of rubble were everywhere, along with the A, that once marked the building as Avengers Tower.

Tony, whose jaw was now glued to the floor, managed to stumble his way up and glance around, seeing the true amount of damage. He also noticed the War Machine and Mark 7 suits buried under some rubble. He heard a groan coming from across the room. Upon investigation, he realized that the noise had come from an equally distorted Clint Barton or as Tony sometimes enjoyed calling him, 'Feather Butt.'

"Yo, Bird Brain," Tony said nudging the archer with his foot.

Clint groaned and opened his eyes.

"What do you want?" Clint asked, although it came out more like 'Wha d ya 'ant?'

Fortunately, Tony was fluent in 'sleepy' with an almost perfect understanding of 'hungover' and a good enough grasp on 'Clinteese.'

"Get up. We did something stupid last night," Tony said.

"What else is new?" Clint asked, sitting up. "That's new," he said as he took in the sheer destruction around him. "Did we build a bomb or something?" Clint asked, for indeed the room looked like it had been blown up.

"Let's find out," Tony said.

Together the two of them made their way out of the destroyed room to Tony's equally destroyed lab.

"Man, we really did a number on the décor," Tony said.

"And the building in general," Clint added as he took in the rubble and the wall. Or rather, the lack of wall where there was supposed to be one. "Now I really want to know what we did last night."

"Got ya covered, Birdseed," Tony said.

He walked over to a nearby monitor (how it was still in one piece, Clint had no idea) and set it upright.

"Hey J, put up the footage from last night," Tony said.

A moment went by before the screen showed a noticeably less destroyed version of the lab they were in. A few seconds later and Clint and Tony stumbled into the lab, both obviously drunk. Tony staggered over to the Mark 7 and began tinkering with it before moving to the War Machine armor.

"Hey how'd we get a hold of the War Machine suit anyway?" Clint asked, pointing at said suit on the screen.

"I don't know, but somewhere there is a very unhappy Lieutenant Colonel," Tony said.

They grew quiet again as drunk Tony apparently finished whatever he was doing and moved, or rather staggered, over to a nearby table. He picked up two tablets and handed one to Clint.

"_Let's do this Lego- Lego- bow and arrow boy,"_ drunk Tony slurred.

"Wow, you suck at nick names when you're drunk," Clint chuckled.

"Shut up and watch the footage," Tony snapped.

Drunk Clint and Tony did something on their tablets and suddenly the War Machine and the Mark 7 began walking out of the room with the two drunk men stumbling after them.

"Okay, I'm not sure how we did that but it's pretty cool," Tony said.

"Yeah, it's like that movie _Real Steel. _You know, the one we watched last... night. Oh," Clint trailed off.

"We really need to stop watching movies while drunk," Tony said.

"That's probably wise," Clint agreed.

Suddenly the screen changed to the living room as the two sets of armor and the two drunken Avengers appeared. They moved to either side of the room and faced each other. Clint against Tony. War Machine against Mark 7.

The two men had a brief _The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly_ moment where they stared each other down with narrowed eyes. Then at some unspoken signal they each hit something on their tablets and the Mark 7 and War Machine armors sprang forward and began punching each other as Tony and Clint tapped on their tablets. They fought for a couple of minutes, neither getting the upper hand. Until Tony got in a lucky shot that sent the War Machine armor stumbling back a couple feet.

That's when everything went south.

Clint quickly tapped a few spots on his pad and suddenly the Mark 7 was being peppered by bullets as War Machine opened up with its Gatling Gun. Tony tapped his screen furiously as warning lights flashed on his pad. Soon enough he compensated and the Mark 7 raised its arm and a blast of energy shot from its outstretched palm.

It slammed into War Machine and sent it flying into the wall, leaving a War Machine shaped dent in the sheet-rock.

The silver armor peeled itself off the wall and fired it's wrist cannons at the Mark 7. Tony saw it coming, though, and had the Mark 7 throw its arms up and deflect the shot. He retaliated with another repulsor blast but Clint was also ready and blocked Tony's shot.

Then the archer decided to throw another curve ball at the red and gold armor. Suddenly, Tony was staring down a missile launcher that sent a small missile flying toward the Mark 7. Tony was able to act at the last second and the Mark 7 dove out of the way.

Clint, seeing his target avoid his shot, scrambled to stop the missile before it hit the wall. Unfortunately, all he succeeded in doing was to turn the missile just enough that it flew straight up and... blew up the ceiling.

Tony and Clint dove for cover as rubble and debris rained down on them. Once it was finished they climbed out and surveyed the damage. The night sky stretched out above them and the entire roof was now on the floor.

"_Umm, look what you did,"_ Tony said pointing at the rubble surrounding them before breaking into a fit of drunken giggles.

"_Oops,"_ Clint said, his giggles combining with Tony's.

"_Oh well,"_ Tony said waving it off. _"Now where were we?"_

In the next minute the two sets of armor were going at it again. During the course of the fighting they somehow managed to make it back to Tony's lab, destroying pretty much everything on the way. Once in the lab they succeeded in destroying about half of the room before they made the mistake of shooting at each other at the exact same time.

War Machine's missile collided with the Mark 7's repulsor blast and the result was one less wall than there was before. In addition to the new 'door' the blast also somehow shorted out Clint's tablet and no matter what he did nothing would work. So he did what anyone would do. He chunked it across the room and hit Tony square in the face with it.

"That's why my head is throbbing and my face hurts!" Tony cried accusingly.

"Sorry," Clint said sheepishly.

Tony gave Clint an irritated look as he rubbed the sore spot on his forehead before he turned back to the footage where the drunk version of himself recovered and decided to retaliate. Drunk Tony swung his arm back and threw his tablet at Clint.

Unfortunately, a drunk Tony is not nearly as accurate as a drunk Clint.

The controller sailed through the air and landed... nowhere near Clint. It was about five feet to the archer's left and two feet short. It landed and skidded about a foot before coming to a stop.

Both men stared drunkenly at it for a minute before Tony shook himself and looked up at the ceiling.

"_Jarvis, activate shadow mode,"_ he said.

"_Sir, are you sure that is wise?" _the AI asked.

"_Just do it,"_ Tony slurred.

"_Very well," _the AI said sounding equal parts exasperated and resigned.

Tony put his fists up in front of his face in a boxing stance; the Mark 7 copying the movement. It would have looked at lot more impressive if the billionaire, and subsequently the Mark 7, hadn't wobbled in unison, though.

"_It's time to dance,"_ Tony called to Clint, as he gave a few experimental punches. _"Jarvis, put on some music I can dance to."_

The AI didn't respond but music began to pour from the speakers. Tony was not at all amused when _Dance of the Reed Flutes _filled the room.

"_Jarvis! What's with the ballet?"_ Tony called.

"_You requested dancing music, Sir."_

"_You know that's not what I meant! Now fix it,"_ Tony snapped.

The two men watching the footage thought they heard the AI sigh resignedly, but Jarvis doesn't sigh. It must have been their imaginations. Although, it did seem like they were imagining that sigh more and more lately.

The music on the security footage cut off and a second later was replaced with AC/DC. Then the battle began all over again. Tony and Clint began throwing punches, both sets of armor mirroring them and the room was once more filled with the sound of metal on metal.

During the course of the fight whatever (by some miracle) _hadn't_ been destroyed in the room was quickly taken care of before the two men managed to steer their armor fist fight back to the living room where the fight escalated. The punches and blasts became faster and more clumsy as the drunk men became more careless and less coordinated.

Finally the fight came to an end as both men put every last bit of strength into one last punch. The fists on the Mark 7 and War Machine armor unintentionally connected in the biggest fist bump ever and the force of the hit sent both suits of armor flying backwards, which wouldn't have been too bad, except for the fact that Tony and Clint, being the idiots that they are sometimes, were standing right behind their respective armor. The Mark 7 crashed into Tony and sent him flying backward into the wall. He hit the wall and crashed to the ground unconscious. The same happened to Clint on the other side of the room.

"So that's why I'm so sore," Tony said.

"Can you rewind it a bit?" Clint asked.

"You want to watch that again? Just seeing it the first time is making me hurt," Tony said.

"I thought I saw something," Clint said.

"What?" Tony asked.

"I don't know, but right about the time the fists collided I thought I saw some kind of movement," the archer explained.

Tony backed the footage up and the two men watched intently.

"There!" Clint said pointing to a small spot that moved on the screen a moment before the armor went flying. "Can you zoom in? And maybe slow it down?"

Tony backed the footage up a bit. Then he double tapped the spot on the screen and it zoomed in. The footage started again and they stared at the screen. The two metal fists swung through the air at half the normal speed. Just a split second before they connected a certain small, brown, and feathered form fluttered between the armor, at which time Tony and Clint lost sight of him without being able to tell if he had been crushed or not.

"Oh crap! Did we kill him?" Clint cried.

"I don't know. We need to find him!" Tony cried.

For the next five minutes the two men ran through the tower looking for the turkey. They checked the living room, the lab, and all of his favorite places. They even checked a few other floors (after all, he could have taken the elevator). But there was no sign of him, dead or alive.

"Feather Butt Jr! Come on FBJ!" Tony called as they moved through the hall.

"We have _got _to change that name," Clint said.

"Why? It's perfect," Tony said.

"It is not perfect. It's humiliating and entirely too long to yell in situations like this," Clint argued.

"All right," Tony said before cupping his hands around his mouth. "Clint!" he yelled.

"What?" Clint asked.

"Clint!" Tony yelled again.

"What?" Clint asked again.

"Why do you keep saying 'what?'" Tony asked.

"You keep calling me," Clint said.

"I'm not calling you. I'm calling the bird," Tony said.

"Then why are you yelling my name?" Clint asked.

"You wanted me to change his name," Tony said with an innocent look on his face.

Clint groaned and hit his head against the wall with a loud 'thunk.'

A second later they heard a gobble coming from above them and looked up to see none other than Feather Butt Jr. sitting in the air vent staring down at them.

"In the vents. Just like his namesake," Tony said slapping said namesake on the shoulder.

"Well somebody had to teach him the layout of the ventilation system," Clint said.

"You taught him the layout of the air ducts?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Well yeah. He needed a safe place if he was ever in danger," Clint said as if it was obvious.

Tony facepalmed.

About that time, a certain angry redhead business woman/girlfriend appeared.

"Uh oh," Tony said upon seeing her.

"Uh oh, is right," Pepper said. "What on Earth could have possessed you to destroy the tower? Especially after we just finished the repairs!"

"Uh," Tony said rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "It sort of seemed like a good idea at the time."

Clint facepalmed.


	17. To? From?

**A/N Thank you to everyone who faved, alerted, and reviewed! I have a blast writing these and I love seeing that you guys have fun reading them! Thanks and Merry CHRISTmas everybody!**

**To? From?**

Tony and Clint blearily woke up laying on the living room floor next to the large Christmas tree that was sitting in the midst of a pile of gifts.

"Aspirin," Tony said.

"Hey," Clint said as something occurred to him.

"No 'hey,' just aspirin," Tony said.

"No. Hey," Clint said touching Tony's shoulder to get his attention. "It's Christmas."

That brought Tony out of his haze.

"You're right! That means its time for presents!" Tony cried as he all but leapt over to the presents sitting under the tree.

"Tony, we have to wait for the others," Clint called and he would be lying if he said he wasn't shocked when Tony actually listened to him and stopped.

What Tony said next, though, was a much better explanation of his sudden self control.

"There aren't any tags."

"Huh?" Clint asked.

"The presents. They aren't labeled. There aren't any names on them," Tony said as he looked over the colorfully wrapped boxes.

"What are you talking about? Of course they're labeled. We've been checking said labels for our names ever since they were put under the tree last week," Clint said.

"I know, but they're not labeled now," Tony said.

"Oh, crap. I think I know why," Clint said.

The billionaire moved over beside Clint and looked at the pile of name tags that was laying on the coffee table.

"We suck so bad," Tony said.

"Yeah, of all the stupid things we could have done, we had to pull the name tags off the Christmas presents," Clint agreed.

"What were we thinking?" Tony moaned.

"We were drunk," Clint said.

"It doesn't matter. No amount of alcohol could make this seem like a good idea at the time," Tony said.

"Oh and we haven't even thought of the best part," Clint said, not at all happily.

"Which is?" Tony asked warily; he had a feeling he wasn't going to like this.

"Pepper, Natasha, Steve, Thor, and Bruce are going to kill us," the archer said matter of fact.

Tony groaned and dropped his head onto the coffee table with a loud 'thunk.'

"I hate my life," Tony said.

"Yeah, I hate your life too," Clint agreed.

Tony gave Clint a look that landed somewhere between 'you're strange' and 'you're a jerk.'

Neither one of them got a chance to say anything more as, at that moment, Steve, Bruce, and Thor wondered into the room. Tony's and Clint's expressions must have screamed guilty because the other three men stopped in their tracks and zeroed in on the other two.

"What did you do?" Steve asked.

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, trying to sound innocent.

The identical look that Steve, Bruce, and Thor gave them practically screamed 'duh.'

Tony and Clint were saved (and they used that term loosely) from having to answer by the arrival of Pepper and Natasha.

"Hey, Peps! You hungry?" Tony called, seizing the opportunity to change the subject.

"Uh, yeah," Pepper answered, slightly taken aback by Tony's exuberant inquiry.

"How 'bout you Nat?" Clint asked following Tony's example.

"A little bit. Why?" she asked.

"Tony and I were just saying we were hungry and we were trying to decide what to have for breakfast," Clint said, thinking fast.

"And we thought we'd get everybody's input," Tony added.

To their great relief, Pepper and Natasha bought it and Bruce, Steve, and Thor seemed to forget about the earlier topic in the face of getting food. The three men and the two women began to make their way to the kitchen as they discussed breakfast. Tony and Clint took the opportunity to hide the name tags under one of the couches before following the rest of the team.

Now, of course, they knew it wouldn't last forever. Eventually, the others would find out about the tags but Tony and Clint would take any time they could snatch away from the jaws of death. All throughout breakfast they tried to act normal but they were pretty sure they didn't entirely pull it off.

And when Pepper mentioned opening gifts and Tony and Clint _didn't _get excited and go crazy, the others knew for a fact that something was wrong but they decided not to mention it just yet. Instead, they watched as Tony and Clint ate at a snail's pace and then even volunteered to do the dishes. That was enough to convince the others that Tony and Clint were either up to something or dying and they were pretty sure it wasn't the latter... yet.

Finally, the two men ran out of ways to stall and everybody relocated to the living room. And that's when the discovery was made.

"Hey, where are the name tags that are supposed to be on the gifts?" Pepper asked.

Five pairs of eyes turned and pinned Tony and Clint where they stood. Rather than denying it, they both sighed resignedly, got down on the floor, and pulled the hidden tags out from under the couch.

"Why did you pull all of the tags off the presents?" Bruce asked, picking up a couple of the tags from where they had fallen on the floor.

"We, uh, were kind of drunk," Tony answered.

The two men got five angry glares.

"So because you two were idiots and got drunk last night, we don't know which gifts go to who?" Steve asked.

"I guess we'll just have to start randomly opening presents," Clint said with a shrug.

"Hey, that might actually be kind of fun," Tony said.

"I guess we really don't have much choice," Bruce admitted.

"All right, start grabbing presents," Steve said with a sigh. " But this discussion is not over," he said pointing at the two perpetrators.

Tony and Clint ignored the last part in favor of obeying the first. They definitely didn't have to be told twice. It's a funny thing to watch two men suddenly turn into boys at the prospect of opening presents. Said 'boys' grabbed three presents a piece and sat in the floor with them. Then they looked up at the others expectantly. The rest of the team took the hint and each grabbed one or two presents and found seats on the couches and chairs.

"Oh, wait!" Tony said jumping to his feet. "I have to give FBJ his gift first."

"You got a present for the turkey?" Clint asked.

"Of, course! He's part of the family too," Tony said and before anyone could say anything further, Tony disappeared out of the room. A few minutes later, he returned with the turkey under one arm and a small wrapped package in the other hand. He set the turkey down next to the tree then placed the present in front of him.

"He's not going to unwrap it himself," Clint pointed out after a moment.

"Oh, right," Tony said.

He grabbed the present and pulled the paper off of it to reveal a small stuffed turkey. Tony gave it a squeeze and a loud squeak emitted from it. He bent over and placed the toy back in front of the turkey.

"You got him a squeaky toy? He's not a dog, Tony," Clint said.

Tony's reply was cut off by a loud squeak echoing throughout the room. Everyone turned to the source of the sound to see the bird holding the stuffed turkey in it's beak and staring at them. Before anyone could say anything the turkey ambled out of the room, taking the new toy with him.

"That is one strange bird," Clint said; no one argued with him.

"So, who's going first?" Tony asked, sounding all of ten years old as he reclaimed his seat on the floor next to Clint.

"Go ahead Tony," Steve said. "And Clint can be next," he added causing the disappointed look on the archer's face to change into a bright smile.

Tony didn't waste any time ripping into the package. He opened the box and looked inside.

"I think this one is probably Natasha's," Tony said, holding up a brand new gun.

"Yeah, that one is from me," Clint said, taking it from Tony and giving it to Natasha. "It's that new model you wanted," he told her.

"Thanks Clint," she said as she deftly dismantled and reassembled it in smooth practiced motions. "It's exactly what I wanted."

Clint smiled widely before turning to his stack of presents.

"My turn," he called and proceeded to rip the paper off one of the boxes. "Ah, a purple shirt. I wonder who that could be for," Clint said before tossing it to Bruce.

"How do you know it's for Bruce?" Tony asked. "You like purple too."

"Yeah, but long sleeve button down is more Bruce's style than mine," the archer said.

"That's true," Tony agreed.

"That one is from me, Bruce," Pepper said.

"Thank you, Pepper. I love it. And I needed a new one after Tony spilled oil on my other one," Bruce said.

"I know. Tony told me he had accidentally ruined your favorite shirt, so I thought I'd get you a replacement," Pepper said.

"Thank you," Bruce said again.

"All right, who's next? Bruce?" Tony asked.

"All right," Bruce said and started opening a present.

Unlike Tony and Clint, Bruce pulled the paper off in a more orderly and grownup fashion.

"This one's definitely for Clint," Bruce said, replacing the lid on the box he had before sliding it over to the archer.

Clint opened the box and looked inside. His face looked like, well, a kid on Christmas morning as he looked at the brand new, modified, top-of-the-line, one-of-a-kind, no one else on the planet has one like it, bow and arrows set.

"That's from me," Tony said proudly.

"You shopped?" Pepper asked incredulously.

"Shop?" Tony said, looking at her as if she just said the sky was green. "I made that."

"You made this?" Clint asked.

"Yep, and I don't mean I bought it and modified it, like I have in the past. I made it all, the bow, the arrows, all of it, with my own two hands and all by myself. Actually, that's not true, Jarvis helped, mainly with the AI," Tony said.

"AI?" Clint asked.

"Yeah, you now have your very own AI programmed into the bow. Phil," Tony said and six jaws dropped as the AI responded with a voice that was identical to Phil Coulson's.

"_Yes, Mr. Stark."_

Clint jerked in surprise and nearly dropped the bow as it suddenly spoke.

"That's not creepy," Clint muttered.

"My friends, the son of Coul is trapped within that bow," Thor boomed.

"No, Thor, it's not actually Phil," Tony said quickly. "It just sounds like him, and talks like him... and has his personality," Tony added as an afterthought.

"Definitely not creepy," Clint mumbled again.

"He can help you in battles like Jarvis helps me," Tony explained to Clint. "Although, you don't need help targeting or anything like that, but he can watch your back and give you information and stuff like that."

"Tony, thank you. I love it," Clint said with a big sincere smile.

"No problem," Tony said brushing it off, but no one missed his small smile or the glint of happiness in the billionaire's eyes at the look of sheer joy on Clint's face.

"All right, Point Break. Your turn," Tony practically commanded.

Thor did an excellent imitation of Tony and Clint as he ripped into the package. He opened the box and pulled out a long piece of fabric.

"A new cape!" Thor said excitedly. "Does this belong to me?"

"Yes, that is for you, from me," Natasha said.

"Thank you, Lady Natasha!" Thor said as he swirled the cape onto his shoulders. "Where did you find such a fine garment?"

"I made it," Natasha said.

Five male jaws dropped at the revelation that Natasha Romanoff could sew.

"You can sew?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Pepper taught me," she said.

"Where did Pepper learn?" Clint asked.

"Her mother taught her when she was growing up," Tony answered.

Everyone in the room stared at him.

"What? I listen sometimes," the billionaire said defensively.

"I'm impressed Tony," Pepper said.

"Thank you," Tony said before once again reverting to childhood. "All right, Steve's next!"

"Why don't we let the ladies go now?" Steve suggested.

"Okay, Pepper?" Tony looked at the redhead expectantly.

"Oh, uh, okay," Pepper said as she started tearing the paper off the box she was holding. "I think this one might be Steve's," she said, holding up a black shirt almost completely covered in green stars.

"Nope that goes to Bruce," Tony said, grabbing the shirt and tossing it to Bruce.

The scientist caught the shirt and eyed it thoughtfully.

"Uh, thanks, I think. Tony, why did you get me a shirt with stars on it? Isn't that more Steve's style?"

"No, it's perfect for you!" Tony exclaimed.

"In what way?" Clint asked in disbelief.

"Just put it on," Tony told Bruce.

Bruce hesitated a moment before slipping the shirt on over the one he was already wearing.

"There," Tony said once the shirt was on, "now you're a star-spangled Banner."

For a second there was complete silence before six groans rang throughout the room.

"Tony that was terrible," Clint said.

"I know. Isn't it great?" Tony asked with a grin.

"You and puns are a bad combination," Bruce added, but he didn't remove the shirt, a fact that didn't escape Tony's notice and the billionaire's smile just grew wider.

"Okay, uh," Clint said looking around the room, "Nat! You haven't opened one yet."

Natasha reached over and grabbed a box laying beside her. With one yank she pulled every bit of paper off the box. A feat no one knew how she accomplished.

"A phone?" she asked as she looked in the box.

"Oh, that's for Steve," Pepper said, taking the proffered phone from Natasha and handing it to Steve. "It's one that's a bit easier to use than the phone Tony gave you," she told the super soldier.

Steve opened the flip phone and was overjoyed to see numbers and actual buttons on the phone.

"Thank you, Pepper," he said, his voice full of relief at not having to struggle to decipher the high tech phone Tony had supplied him with.

"Okay, so now that you have an archaic phone, how about you open a present so I can open another one," Tony said.

Steve patiently set the phone aside and picked up the present sitting next to him. He opened the box, looked inside, and promptly turned beet red.

"Uh, this one is definitely not mine," he said.

Thor leaned over and looked inside.

"Ah, that belongs to Lady Pepper," he said and handed her the box.

Pepper reached into the box and pulled out a very small, very lacy, very thin, and very red negligee. Tony took one look at it and burst out laughing.

"Um, Thor, may I ask what made you decide to get this for me?" Pepper asked in her calm, controlled, businesslike manner.

"Well, you are a great lady and I wished to get you something that was worthy of you. So I went to the Penny of JC to find you a gift. Friend Tony told Friend Steve and myself that if ever we needed assistance in an establishment to ask one of the kind workers. I thought that a maiden would be better suited to assist me in choosing a gift for a maiden, so I found one and told her that I was looking for the perfect gift for a wonderful lady."

At that, both Tony and Clint busted out laughing.

"Oh, you didn't," Tony said.

"Yes, I did," Thor answered, completely serious. "She told me that this," he motioned to the negligee, "was the perfect gift to show a lady that you appreciate them. So I purchased two of them."

"Two?" Pepper asked.

"Yes, one for you and one for Lady Natasha, for she is also a great lady."

Tony and Clint, both of which had just started getting control of themselves, started roaring with laughter once more.

"Way to go, Point Break," Tony said through his laughter.

"Yeah, you did good, Thor," Clint added as he and Tony high-fived.

The two men we're careful to avoid Pepper's and Natasha's gazes (glares).

"Did I do something wrong?" Thor asked.

"I'll explain it to you later," Pepper said. "What counts is that your heart was in the right place. Tony! Open a present!" Pepper snapped as the billionaire continued laughing.

Tony got control of himself and began to pull the paper off a box as he chuckled lightly.

"Slippers?" he asked as he pulled out a pair of soft, warm slippers.

"Those are Pepper's from me," Steve spoke up. "I heard you saying how your feet get cold in the winter, so I got you some slippers. I hope that's okay," he said to the redhead.

"They're perfect. Thank you, Steve," she said.

"Clint open another one," Tony commanded, cutting off Steve's and Pepper's exchange. "I haven't gotten anything yet."

"And you still haven't," the archer said as he took one look inside the box and replaced the lid. "This one's for you Nat," Clint said, handing over the box.

Natasha reached in and pulled out a negligee, identical to Pepper's, except hers was Black. She was quick to put it back in the box, though, as Steve's face started to go supernova all over again.

"Bruce, why don't you open another one," Natasha suggested in an effort to change the subject.

"Uh, sure," Bruce agreed, knowing exactly what she was trying to do.

He seized a box and started pulling the paper off. Once the box was open he looked inside and smiled.

"I know who this one is for," he announced. "Because it's from me."

He replaced the lid and tossed the box to Tony, who promptly jerked the lid off and pulled out a tee shirt. The shirt was black with the words 'Stark, Raving Mad' written across the front. The letters in 'Stark' were red and gold and the word 'mad' was crossed out and the word 'genius' was written underneath it.

Tony took one look at the shirt and laughed loudly.

"You're not the only one that can come up with a good idea for a shirt," Bruce said.

"Thanks, Brucey! It's awesome!" Tony said.

Then he unashamedly pulled off the shirt he was wearing and tossed it to the side before slipping on his new one.

"I am afraid I do not understand the meaning of this garment," Thor said.

"I do. It's simple," Clint said. "'Stark, raving mad' is a saying we have on Earth. If someone is 'stark, raving mad' they are completely crazy, nuts, bonkers, off their rocker-"

We get the point, Clint," Natasha said cutting off his rambling.

"Oh, right. Anyway," Clint continued, "the funny part about it, is that Tony's last name is Stark, that's why it's in red and gold like the Iron Man armor. Also Tony is a genius so that's why 'mad' is crossed out and genius is written underneath. But the 'mad' is still on the shirt because there are times, like when he's sleep deprived, that Tony can be a bit of a mad genius."

"I can attest to that," Bruce said, raising his hand.

"I'm choosing to take that as a compliment," Tony said.

"I believe I understand now," Thor said. "Friend Tony is not right in the head."

It would be an understatement to say that Clint died laughing. The archer fell over onto his back and laughed so hard that tears streamed down his face and he couldn't breathe.

Tony, on the other hand, glared daggers at the archer.

"You... you nailed it," Clint choked out, addressing Thor.

"That's not funny," Tony said to Clint, "and I am perfectly sane," he said looking back at Thor.

"That's a... matter of op- op- opinion!" Clint cried, collapsing into another fit of uncontrollable laughter.

His laughter was infectious and before long, everyone but Tony had joined in and were laughing.

"Well," Tony said in a very pompous and holier-than-thou tone, "if this is how all of you are going to act, then none of you get to open any more presents. I'm going going to open them all by myself," he said as he grabbed an armful of boxes and started to walk out of the room.

"Oh, no you don't!" Clint cried. "Stop him!"

Tony let out what he would call a very manly sound of alarm and what everyone else would call a panicked squeak, before bolting from the room, five Avengers and one girlfriend chasing after him.

As they chased Tony through the tower, the billionaire dropping boxes left and right as he fled, and all seven of them laughing their heads off, one thing was for sure, this was one Christmas they would never forget.


	18. Trouble, Bub

**A/N Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews! We now have triple digit reviews (a first for me). I never expected this story to make it past ten chapters and here we are on number 18. And judging from the reviews, it looks like you guys are still enjoying these little escapades, so as long as you guys still like them I'll keep writing them. :)**

**Now, this chapter was written by **_**MarvelAndDCWriter. **_**I basically just looked over it and proofread it. I didn't do hardly anything to it. So if you guys like this one, send **_**MarvelAndDCWriter **_**a PM or leave a review to let him know he did a good job. :)**

**Trouble, Bub**

Tony slowly sat up. He was in a chair but he wasn't at his desk, so he was already suspicious. Instead, he was sitting in front of a control console, facing a giant screen, which was turned off.

He thought long and hard about how he could have possibly ended up in a room that he had no memory of ever knowing about in his tower. He then thought that he may not be in his tower.

He then thought that maybe he should join a 12-step program. But just as quickly as the thought entered his mind, it left, if not faster.

Upon hearing a groan, Tony quickly rotated in the chair (the place just kept getting better and better) until he saw a face-down Clint Barton on the floor.

_Crap._

That meant something had happened. And as usual, he didn't remember jack about what happened. But he did know that whenever he woke up with Clint, something bad (or stupid) had usually happened.

Clint, who had managed to stumble to his feet, seemed to recognize the place.

"Hey, what are we doing in the- the war..." his voiced trailed off and a worried expression crossed on his face.

Tony, who was a master of causing those expressions, didn't expect one when he didn't cause it.

"What is it, Bird Boy? You finally lay an egg?" Tony teased.

"We're in the war room, we're in the war room, we're in the room," Clint repeated over and over, sounding like a broken record.

"Would you calm down? What is the war room and why don't I remember it being in my building?" Tony asked.

"The war room was designed so that if we needed to send an emergency broadcast, we could do it instantly, to any part of the world, anywhere in the world," Clint explained.

"So?" Tony asked, unfazed.

"So, remember how last night the X-Men where being talked about on the news?" Clint asked.

Tony thought for a moment, then his eyes widened.

"You don't think…."

"Of course we did," Clint interrupted.

He quickly walked up to the console and pressed a series of buttons before stepping back. The screen, that was blank a moment before, was glowing as video footage began to replay.

Tony and Clint had their arms on each others shoulders as they stumbled around, trying to stay on their feet. Clint had a cup of eggnog in his hand and Tony had a scotch on the rocks.

_"The X-Men…what have they ever done? Have they saved the world from an alien invasion? Noooo! But we have!"_Clint slurred.

_"Yeah, and what about that wolf-boy guy… thing..it…whatever. Wolfvery…or something?" _Tony rambled.

_"Yeah! And I mean, what's with those sideburns? Hellooooo? It isn't the 18th century anymore! Hasn't he heard of a razor?"_ Tony drunkenly asked. _"I mean…..if he can't afford one, he has 6 knives that can easily do this,_" Tony used his index, ring, and middle fingers the simulate Logan's claws. He then proceeded to scrape those fingers across the sides of his face, where Logan's sideburns would be.

Clint stood there, with a drunken smile on his face.

_"...Yeah,"_he said after an uncomfortable silence had passed.

After another few seconds had gone by, Clint passed out, face first into the ground.

Tony chuckled before he too passed out, smashing into the console, and thus ending the connection. The silence in the room was deafening.

"That means we sent that tape to news stations around the world, the Baxter Building, the Xavier School and the White House!" Clint exclaimed.

"Oh yeah, now I remember this place." Tony said, glancing around. "Huh….I always thought of it as the 'I can see myself on 10 TV's room,'" Tony said fondly.

Clint gave him an incredulous look.

"You can't possibly be that self-centered, can you?" he asked.

Tony just stared at him.

"Of course you are," Clint said, rolling his eyes.

Before anything more could be said, their conversation was interrupted by Jarvis.

"_Sir, you have a visitor."_

Both men turned to look at the screen that showing the security feed to see the very man they had insulted standing at the entrance to the building.

"Jarvis, _do not _let him in," Tony said quickly.

"_I have already informed Mr. Logan that he does not have the required clearance to access the building."_

"I don't think that's gonna matter," Clint said pointing to the screen. "He's about to make his own clearance."

Tony looked at the screen again to see that Wolverine had brought out his claws. He gave one swipe with each hand then nudged the door with his foot. The door tipped over and fell inward, flat on the floor. Logan withdrew his claws and stepped inside, walking right over the door as he headed for the elevator.

"Maybe we should hide or something," Clint suggested.

"How about in a nuclear blast safe?" Tony suggested.

"Works for me," Clint replied before he and Tony all but ran to said safe.

Clint decided he didn't really want to know why Tony had a nuclear blast safe, so he didn't ask. Mentally, he took note of the fact that unless the safe was made of adamantium it wouldn't do them a bit of good anyway. But once again he decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

"J, where is he headed?" Tony asked as he brought up the security footage on one of the, seemingly, thousands of screens that were inside the safe.

Clint didn't even waste time wondering why there were so many.

"_He has pressed the button for the file floor, sir," _Jarvis replied.

"The file floor?" Clint asked.

"It's where I keep all my files," Tony said.

"Okay, three things," Clint said, holding up three fingers. "Number one: duh. B: you have an entire floor for just files? And Three: anyone who can get on the elevator and press a button can access your files. How stupid are you?"

"That's actually four things," Tony said.

"Even the turkey can access your files," Clint said, ignoring Tony's comment.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. J, restrict FBJ's access to the file floor. We don't want him getting hurt or lost," Tony said.

"That was so not the point," Clint moaned as he dropped his head into his hands.

Their attention was drawn back to the screens as Logan exited the elevator.

"What's he doing? What's he doing?" Clint urgently demanded as Logan moved about the file floor.

Tony's eyes narrowed. "It's like he's looking for something….but what?"

After searching several more folders, files, and computer logs, Logan grinned in self-satisfaction.

"I think he found what he was looking for," Clint observed.

"Yeah, but I still don't know what it is," Tony frowned.

As if he had heard them, Logan suddenly turned and directly faced the camera.

The two Avengers instinctively ducked behind the table, before sheepishly realizing Logan couldn't actually see them. Although the intense look he had, made them think that he could.

Slowly, Tony and Clint raised their heads, so that only their eyes were above the table. They watched, intensely, almost as if they were watching a horror movie, as Logan walked up to the camera, raised his right hand, and shot 3 razor sharp claws through it.

Instantly, the feed turned to static. Clint and Tony shared an uneasy look. Something like that never turned out good in the long run.

The next day, what Logan had been looking for was made very apparent, and very public.

Clint was repeatedly banging his head against the wall, while Tony was glued to the TV, watching the news in horror. He wanted to turn away, but couldn't.

What was being aired was Logan naming every single embarrassing drunk adventure that Clint and Tony had gone on. From their drunken karaoke night, to unleashing the Hulk in the streets of Pennsylvania, to the Vegas "marriage," to turning the tower into a zoo (or circus), and the list went on and on.

Clint glared at Tony. "Why would you keep all of our drunken adventures on record for anybody to read?"

Tony stared back at him. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Meanwhile, Logan returned to the X-Mansion a few hours later, feeling pretty proud of himself. The damage was done. Time to watch the drama unfold.

And yet, something unexpected happened; something that nobody saw coming.

What was supposed to be an utterly and humiliating payback, turned out to be the best press for the Avengers in a long time. Tony's reputation skyrocketed, and Barton, the mysterious archer who was the secretive and dark member, was suddenly brought into the spotlight, and his reputation and popularity grew.

"What the…" Logan couldn't believe what was happening. Gutting them would've been too easy; he wanted to humiliate them first, and destroy their reputations as superheroes. But that plan had suddenly taken an entire 180 degree turn.

He couldn't take the news feed anymore. He shut off the TV and got up only to face the icy stare of Kitty Pryde.

"How could you?" She demanded. "It's bad enough that the only press we get are all anti-mutant this, anti-mutant that, but then you have to go and increase The Avengers' popularity? Why? Just to get back at two of their members? What could have possessed you to do such a thing?" She glared at him, her arms folded, waiting for an answer.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, bub."


	19. A Very Avengers New Year

**A/N Thank you guys so much for the reviews, favs, and alerts. Happy New Year!**

**A Very Avengers New Year**

"Happy New Year," Clint said to Tony as the billionaire woke and sat up next to the archer.

"New Year? I don't even remember watching the ball drop," Tony said.

"Me neither," Clint replied with a shrug.

"Well they're probably replaying the highlights on TV," Tony said climbing slowly to his feet. "Maybe we can catch it."

He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV as Clint pulled himself to his feet and stumbled over to stand beside Tony.

Tony flipped through the channels until he came to a morning news show.

"_This was definitely a New Years for the record books," _the newscaster said. "_Everything was normal until 30 seconds before midnight when every screen in times square suddenly had pictures or videos of the Avengers in action." _

The TV switched to news footage from the night before. Indeed, every last screen in Times square had something pertaining to the Avengers on it. And with the number and size of the screens in Times Square, that was a lot of Avengers.

"_As if that wasn't surprising enough, the 2013 ball had joined in as well," _the other newscaster added.

The screen showed the ball, its shiny surface now covered with a large capitol A.

"_Now this was all pretty amazing to begin with, but then the ten second countdown began and, you guessed it, it was also Averngerfied." _

On the biggest, most central screen in Times Square, a picture of Captain America appeared, looking strong and brave as a huge ten flashed over the picture.

Captain America disappeared only to have The Black Widow take his place and a big nine flashed over her picture.

With each new number in the countdown, a new Avenger appeared until all six of them had been featured, each one in a awesome pose.

Steve of course looked brave and strong, Natasha looked scary and intimidating, Thor looked like a big, strong, brave... model, Clint looked down right awesome and kick butt with his bow drawn, and Tony of course looked amazing in his suit, minus the helmet, and holding one repulsor covered hand toward the screen with a dead serious and even threatening expression on his face. But it was Bruce's picture that was the neatest. On one side of the screen was the Hulk standing in a sort of crouch and looking fierce. On the other side of the screen, standing back to back with the Hulk was Bruce superimposed into the picture. He didn't look nervous or insecure, in fact he looked completely serious and like he himself could be a legitimate threat. He had one hand at his temple, touching his glasses and there was a green tint to his face, as if there was a green light shining up at him. Over all, it looked completely awesome.

After the Avengers each had their time in the spotlight, a picture of Fury, complete with intimidating expression and gun in hand, appeared on the screen. After which came a picture of Coulson, standing so that his body was turned toward the right side of the screen but his head was turned so that he was facing whoever was looking at the picture. His face was serious and his gaze was piercing. He looked relaxed and at ease with his arms resting at his sides, but the gun that was held loosely in his right hand said otherwise.

The next picture was of all the single shots of the Avengers combined into one with 'Avengers' written across the middle of the picture. The final picture was an actual group shot of the team standing amidst the chaos of the battle of New York, looking fierce, if not a bit battered, with fires, explosions, and debris all around them, but at the same time they looked undeniably like the heroes they were as a huge number one flashed across the picture and the clock changed to midnight.

"_Definitely, something new," _one of the newscatsers said as they were once again shown on the screen.

"_Yes. It was a very Avengers New Year," _the other one replied.

"I know it seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, it always does, but surprisingly, this time it actually still is," Tony said as he shut off the TV.

"We may get into trouble over this, but I actually have to agree with you this time," Clint replied. "This might have been our best idea yet. And, if nothing else, it was our least damaging."

"You know, it does seem like we do some of our best work when we're drunk," Tony mused. "Maybe we should get drunk more often."

"NO!" three male and two female voices rang out at the same time.

* * *

**If anyone was wondering what the individual pictures and the first group shot of the Avengers looked like just look at my profile picture. And the last group picture was the movie poster and blu-ray cover picture. **


	20. Group Outing

**A/N Special thanks to _MarvelAndDCWriter _who collaborated with me on this. Between the two of us we were able to fulfill not one but three requests with one chapter. So thanks DC! Special thanks also go to all of you awesome people who have faved, alerted, and reviewed and even to those who simply took the time to read these stories. Thanks guys! :)**

**On a completely unrelated note, if any of you guys are fans of BBC's _Merlin _check out my _Merlin _fic. You might like it.**

**And on the last request, I only used the 'chicken dance' and 'end up on Youtube' part, I hope that will suffice.**

**Requested by writergirl97: I'd love to see a chapter where everyone AND Tony and Clint get drunk. You don't have to do it, Buuut... (Wink wink, hint hint)**

**Requested by Guest: Can you please do one where Thor and/or Pepper gets drunk too.**

**Requested by Larahna Steadyblade: You should have Clint do the chicken dance and Tony do some completely humiliating dance, and have it end up on Youtube.**

**Group Outing**

"Oh my- What did we _do _last night? My head is killing me," Clint said with a groan as he sat up.

"Hey! Keep it down would ya, Legolas? You're not the only one in pain," Tony mumbled, sitting up beside Clint.

"Tell me about it," another voice chimed in and Tony and Clint looked to see Bruce sitting near them cradling his head in his hands.

"Bruce? What are you doing here? And why are you hungover? You don't drink," Clint said.

Before Bruce could answer a groan came from behind them and Tony and Clint glanced around the room to see a sight they had never laid eyes on before.

There, laying on the floor around them, some still passed out while others were beginning to stir, was the rest of the team and Pepper.

"_What _did we _do _last night?" Clint asked again.

"Well," Tony said glancing around, "we apparently got the entire team and Pepper wasted with us. Which is actually pretty awesome if you think about it," he said with a slight chuckle. "I don't even know how we managed that."

They heard another groan coming from a visibly upset, and in pain, Natasha.

"Whoever is responsible for this, I'm going to kill them very slowly and very painfully," she threatened.

"Okay that is so _not _awesome," Tony said, a worried look on his face.

"Remind me to stop hanging out with you," Clint said.

"And remind me to stop hanging out with you," Tony shot back.

"Me!" Clint protested. "What did I do?"

"Well, for starters, you brought _her,_" Tony pointed to Natasha, "an, albeit very attractive, _killer _to the team. And she, for some reason, has an enormous hatred of me, even though I keep flirting with her, which is the highest form of compliment from me..."

"That's it!" Natasha snapped as she slowly got to her feet. "Stark dies first."

Tony's jaw dropped as if he were witnessing Obadiah rise from the grave.

"You see? This is why I hate hanging out with you. It's hazardous to my health!" Tony cried as he stumbled around looking for an exit.

It's one thing, though, for him to do so while he was hungover but it was another thing entirely for him to do so while hungover and scared for his life. It's like when someone tries to walk straight while dizzy, it's not pretty and it doesn't end well. As was demonstrated when Tony crashed face first into the walk and fell to the floor, dazed.

Clint burst out laughing and Tony just stared blankly at the ceiling, blinking a few times.

"Was that walk- I mean wall always there? I can't seem to recall..." Tony said dazedly.

Pepper groaned but answered anyway.

"Who knows? You changed the blueprints for the building so many times even I don't know the layout anymore."

"My head feels like it does after the consumption of too much Asgardian ale!" Thor's booming voice interrupted.

"Wait a minute, you drink, Point Break?" Tony asked, suddenly alert, as he rolled onto his stomach. He was able to understand drinking in any language.

"Yes, Friend Tony," Thor said with a nod. "In the halls of Asgard, be it to celebrate a victory, enjoy a mighty feast, or to grieve our losses, we feast and drink. It has been a while since I have felt this way," Thor grinned. "It has been missed."

"Huh, good to know," Tony said before making a mental note. _Note to self: Goldilocks enjoys being hammered... no pun intended._

"Could you all keep it down please?" a voice asked from behind the sofa. "My head is splitting.

"Uh, yeah, same here. Have you not heard our whining for the last five minutes? Who even are you anyway?" Tony asked, doing a quick headcount.

Bird Boy, Point Break, The Mad Russian, Big Green Angry Machine, and the beautiful Pepper. That only left...

Steve's head appeared above the couch as he slowly pulled himself into a sitting position with a groan.

"You know, being a super soldier gives me some advantages over certain things, enhanced speed, enhanced strength, quicker healing, but sometimes it's a disadvantage. A example would be super hearing. Combine that with a massive headache and everything is like a sonic boom even at regular volume.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"A thousand pardons for my ignorance, Prince Rodgers. Please, wouldst thou beith so kind as to forgive me?" Tony said in a pompous voice.

Steve just shook his head, he was used to Tony's sarcasm.

"Wait, why are you in pain? I thought you couldn't get drunk," Clint said.

"I can't. That's what they told me before and I couldn't get drunk the last time I tried," Steve said.

_Last time he _tried, Tony thought with a frown. "Okay, we're coming back to that later," he said. "But for now, I'm with Cupid, how are you hungover?"

"How do you know this has anything to do with alcohol?" Steve asked.

"Trust me, if it has anything to do with me or Big Bird over there, then alcohol's involved in someway," Tony said with a chuckle.

"So, before I kill Tony, I would like to know how we all got involved in their stupidity," Natasha spoke up.

"Well, when in doubt always turn on the TV," Tony said, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on.

He flipped around until he came to a news report.

"_And what happened after the Avengers walked into your karaoke bar?" _the reporter asked the old man he was interviewing.

"_Well, the Avengers and a pin-headed woman with orange hair-"_

"What did he just call me!" Pepper screeched.

"Come on Pep, that's not the first time you've been called a pin-"

The look on Pepper's face had Tony snapping his mouth shut in the blink of an eye.

"_They just waltzed up onto the stage," _the bar owner continued, _"well, more like stumbled up on stage," _he said with a laugh. _"Mr. Stark demanded seven microphones but we only had the one so he had six more delivered to the bar. Once each Avenger and the pin-head had a microphone they all started singing _Bad Moon Rising. _And the crowd went nuts. They really ate it up."_

The screen changed to footage of the seven of them on a stage in a bar singing. They were actually in tune and sounded pretty good. At the end, everybody but Tony sang the correct lyrics which were "there's a bad moon on the rise." Tony, however, had to be different and sang "there's a bathroom on the right."

There was just a bit of an awkward pause before Tony turned to the others.

"_You were right it is 'there's a bad moon on the rise,'" _Tony drunkenly admitted.

That earned a laugh from the audience. Tony ate it up and tried for more.

"_But I think 'bathroom on the right' sounds better. What do you think?" _Tony asked.

The audience burst into cheers and Tony basked in it. He struck a quick pose, standing straight with his arms out to either side, before he tossed his microphone over his shoulder, put on his shades, and flashed a quick peace sign at the camera as he walked out the door, the six others following behind.

"_Wow, fascinating stuff," _the reporter said as the screen switched back to him.

"You see?" Tony asked his teammates. "That wasn't so bad, right?"

They all grudgingly mumbled that perhaps he was right.

"Good, glad to see you all agree..." his voice trailed off as the news story continued.

"_However, that wasn't the end of the Avengers' wild night. We also have footage of them heading back to their tower in an unusual way,"_ the newscaster said.

"Why- why do- do people just walk home," Tony slurred, stumbling over his words a bit. "That's sooo boring!"

Tony's eye caught on a nearby KFC and the expression on his face was like a light bulb went off over his head.

"I got it," he said snapping his fingers, or trying to anyway. We're going to Chicken Dance our way home," he said abandoning the snapping in favor of clumsily clapping his hands together.

"What is this dancing of chickens that you speak of?" Thor asked.

"It's when you do this," Tony said as he flapped his arms and bobbed his head like a chicken.

"Ah like how Feather Butt Jr. moves," Thor boomed.

"Exactly!" Tony praised.

"Then why do they call it The Chicken Dance instead of The Turkey Dance?" Steve slurred.

"Steve, that is a very good question," Tony said, clumsily slinging his arm around Steve's shoulders.

"Why, thank you," Steve slurred.

"And the answer is... Iron Man," Tony said, staggering forward, dragging Steve along with him.

"How is that the answer to Steve's question?" a drunk Pepper asked.

"Iron man is always the answer," Tony replied.

"Makes sense to me," Steve said with a shrug.

The footage then changed to a shot of all six Avengers and Pepper walking up the middle of the street, in a V formation, with Tony at the front. They were all bobbing their heads and flapping their arms. After a few seconds, Tony started clucking like a chicken and a minute later everybody else joined in.

In the tower, Clint facepalmed.

"That's going to end up on Youtube," Tony said as he wisely shut off the TV.

Natasha, Steve, Thor, Bruce, and Pepper turned to glare at Tony and Clint.

"Before I string you two up by your thumbs, I want to know how all of us got drunk along with you two idiots," Natasha said.

"_If you would allow me Agent Romanoff. I believe I can answer you inquiry,"_ Jarvis interjected.

"Excuse me?" Natasha asked.

"_I have video footage that may shed some light on the cause of your activities last night."_

Tony eyed the ceiling. "If you knew all this time, why didn't you just say so immediately? Why did you make me- uh, us- go through all of that?"

"_I did not wish to interrupt you while you were occupied with watching your exploits on the television,"_ Jarvis said and Tony would swear the AI was being sarcastic.

"Shut up, Jarvis," Tony snapped. "Just play the footage."

The team turned to the screen as the footage began to play. It showed Tony and Bruce in Bruce's lab, standing next to some sort of machine.

"What is this thing? Have you been watching _Doctor Who_ again?" Bruce asked looking at the machine Tony wanted him to help with.

The thing in front of him looked suspiciously like the TARDIS from _Doctor Who_. It was the same shape, had double doors on the front of it, and small opaque windows around the top of it.

"No. I mean yes, I have been watching _Doctor Who_ but this has nothing to do with that," Tony said.

"Then what is it?" Bruce asked.

"It's, uh..." Tony trailed off not wanting to tell Bruce that the device was a 'drunk machine'. It would allow someone to experience the effects of being drunk without actually having to drink any alcohol.

"It's a washing machine," Tony said the first thing that popped into his head.

"A washing machine? Tony, I hate to break this to you but you already have a washing machine in the tower. It's in that room that's labeled 'Laundry Room' on the blueprints.

"I know we have a washing machine but it's the normal boring kind that you have to put the clothes in. This one will clean the clothes while you're still wearing them. All you do is walk right through and your clothes are as clean as if they just came out of the dryer," Tony explained getting more detailed with his lie.

In the back of his mind Tony made a mental note to actually build that washing machine when he had the time.

"So what's wrong with it?" Bruce asked buying the lie.

"It has something to do with the chemistry involved but I can't seem to get it to work out," Tony said trying to be as vague as possible about the inner workings of the 'washing machine.'

"All right. I'll have a look," Bruce said and began tinkering on it.

He tinkered with the machine, switching wires, adding new ones, stripping said wires. Eventually Bruce put down his tools and started to walk over to wash the bit of oil off his hands.

"Wait I have a better idea," Tony said grabbing Bruce's arm and pulling him over to the TARDIS looking 'washing machine.' "Let the machine wash you off. We can test it and you can get clean at the same time," Tony suggested.

He had been trying to get Bruce drunk ever since he met the man, now was his chance.

Before Bruce could protest Tony pushed him through the doors and into the machine. The machine whirred and light shown out of the small windows. After a few minutes, the machine went silent again, the doors opened, and a very drunk Bruce stumbled out and fell into Tony.

"Oh, hey Tony," I didn't see you there," Bruce slurred as he clumsily grabbed Tony's shirt in a effort to keep himself standing while at the same time unintentionally wiping oil all over the billionaire.

"It works!" Tony exclaimed.

"What works?" Clint asked as he walked into the lab.

"Our machine works. See?" Tony said pointing to Bruce who was staring fixedly at and tapping the side of the lamp sitting on the nearby table.

"Perfect," Clint, who had helped come up with the idea of the machine, said. "But why did Bruce use it? I would have thought he would avoid getting drunk."

"I might have told him it was a washing machine that washes your clothes while you're still wearing them," Tony admitted.

"Okay two questions. Why did you tell him that? And why did you let him use it?" Clint asked.

"I needed his help to get the machine to work and he would never help us if he knew what it really did. And as for the other question, you know how long I've been trying to get Brucey drunk, now I finally did," Tony replied.

"Hey," Clint said, "That means we can finally get the whole team drunk. How long have we been trying to get them to come along with us when we go out?"

"Ooh, and if I can get Spangles drunk this will be the best invention I've ever made," Tony said.

"Okay, let's go get them," Clint said and started for the door.

"Wait!" Tony called. "If we tell them what it is or if they figure it out they will never step foot inside. We'll have to hide Bruce and bring them down one person at a time. Then hide that person and bring someone else down and so forth and so on."

"Oh, good thinking. Okay, you get them drunk and I'll hide them," Clint said.

Over the next half hour Tony lured Steve, Natasha, Thor, and Pepper down to the lab to try out his 'washing machine.' After each one, Clint hid them so the next person wouldn't be tipped off by seeing their drunk teammates. Once they were finished with the others, Clint went into the machine followed by Tony. The seven of them all stumbled around the lab giggling and slurring.

"I want to go to a karaoke bar," Tony suddenly said out of the blue.

"Sounds good to me," Bruce said and the others voiced their agreement. Together they staggered out of the room, accidentally leaving the door to the machine open.

A few minutes later, FBJ strutted into the room. He set eyes on the machine and walked right in, probably thinking it was an elevator. The machine activated and seconds later the turkey fluttered unsteadily out of the machine and promptly fell over, unconscious. After which the screen went blank as the footage ended.

Natasha's gaze moved to pin Bruce where he stood.

"_You _were the one who helped him cause this?" Natasha asked, murder in her eyes.

Natasha, flanked by Steve, Pepper, and Thor (who was just following everybody else, not really sure of what was going on), started walking toward Tony and Bruce forgetting about Clint for the moment. Tony and Bruce immediately began backing up nervously while Clint, who had been in the line of fire before, took advantage of the opportunity to get out while the getting was good.

"I- um... At that particular moment in time, the logic of the situation appeared to suggest-" Bruce babbled before Tony cut him off.

"What he means is, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

**I hope you guys liked it! As I said above, _MarvelAndDCWriter _and I collaborated on this. We each threw out ideas and brainstormed together. We each wrote a few small parts adding to each others ideas then we came up with the overall outline. Then _DC _took it and said he'd finish it while I got started on another request. He finished it and sent it to me. When I read it I got all kinds of inspiration based on his ideas and I ended up adding/changing it quite a bit until it became what you just got through reading. Now _DC _thought it would be fun to post both versions and see which one you guys liked better. So he posted his version under his name, _MarvelAndDCWriter_. So if you guys want to, or if you're board and don't have anything else to do, then pop over to his page and read his version. His version is different enough from mine and he also added a little scene featuring the Hulk onto the end of his, so you might like it. **

**Anyway, until next time, see you on the flip side! :)**


	21. Can I Please Shoot Him?

**A/N After the last chapter, I had a guest ask me if I was finished with this story. I can assure you, I am not done with this. I still have plenty of ideas and you guys are still reading and enjoying these so I will keep going with them. And besides that, I still have a long list of requests to fulfill and I'm going to make sure to complete all of them. :)**

**Requested by TXJ: Would it be too much to request one where Clint and Tony didn't actually cause the havoc but Loki set them up?**

**Requested by JanaRump: How would you feel about bringing Loki into the fun?**

**Can I Please Shoot Him?**

"Mornin," Clint mumbled as he met Tony in the hallway.

Both men were rumpled and half asleep, with their hair sticking up in all directions.

"Coffee," Tony mumbled in reply and together the two men made their way to the kitchen.

They shuffled over to the coffee maker and each poured a mug of the dark liquid for themselves. They both took several gulps of the warm beverage before they took the time to become aware of the other people in the room.

"Mornin," Clint said to the five people sitting at the island eating.

"Mmm," was Tony's greeting.

"Don't you 'mornin' us," Natasha snapped.

"And don't you 'mmm' us, Tony," Pepper added.

Both men shared a look of confusion before Clint spoke.

"Did we do something wrong?"

"Did you do something wrong?" Steve repeated incredulously. "I don't know. Do you consider painting all of New York green, gold, and black to be wrong?" he all but shouted.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up the train," Tony said. "What are you _talking_ about?"

In reply, Bruce who was sitting closest to the TV that was mounted on the kitchen wall, turned the TV on and the first thing that appeared was an aerial camera shot of New York City which was completely covered in green, gold, and black. Not an inch of building, street, or sidewalk was spared.

"What happened?" Clint asked.

"You two idiots happened," Natasha snapped and Bruce, Steve, Thor, and Pepper nodded their agreement.

"Us? We didn't do that!" Tony cried indignantly.

"How would you know! You were probably too plastered to remember," Pepper said.

"We didn't even drink last night!" Clint defended.

"Yeah, I didn't even have so much as a glass of scotch last night," Tony added.

"Oh yeah, like we believe that," Natasha said sarcastically.

"Why would Friend Tony lie?" Thor asked innocently.

"Well, we're not saying that Tony is lying per say," Steve said.

"Is that not what Lady Natasha was implying or did I misunderstand?" Thor asked.

"She was implying that Tony and Clint might try to down play the truth so as to keep from getting in trouble," Pepper explained.

"Ah, a 'white lie in order to save their butts,'" Thor said.

Clint nearly spit his coffee across the room as a laugh threatened to break forth.

"Where did you learn that phrase, Thor?" Bruce asked.

"Friend Tony told me that 'sometimes you have to tell a white lie in order to save your butt,'" Thor quoted. "I did tell him that lying never works. I know from personal experience of when I was a young boy."

"Okay, we definitely have to come back to that later," Tony said. "But for right now I'm telling you that I'm not lying, white or otherwise. We didn't drink last night."

"_I can corroborate Master Stark's and Master Barton's story. Their bio-scans indicate that they did not consume alcohol in the last eighteen hours,"_ Jarvis cut in.

"They didn't drink at all?" Steve asked.

"_Affirmative," _Jarvis confirmed.

"So if you two didn't do it, who did?" Pepper asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe someone who likes the colors green, gold, and black. Now, who do we know that likes those colors?" Tony asked, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

"Are you accusing my brother?" Thor asked.

"Yes. Yes I am," Tony replied.

"All right," Thor said with a shrug. "I simply wanted to be sure I understood what you were implying."

"You don't care that he's accusing Loki of this?" Bruce asked.

"No. It's not anything truly harmful. And all signs point to him as the perpetrator," Thor said.

"See? Point Break even agrees with us," Tony said.

"Okay, assuming for a second that Loki is responsible, why did he paint the city?" Natasha asked.

"Because I am burdened with glorious purpose," Loki said, suddenly appearing in the doorway of the kitchen.

Clint pulled his bow out of... well no one knew where he had pulled the thing from but in the blink of an eye he had it in his hands, drawn, and with an arrow knocked, pointing straight at Loki.

"Can I please shoot him?" Clint asked of no one in particular.

"No, you can't shoot him. At least not until we get some answers," Tony told Clint before addressing Loki's earlier statement. "What purpose? To make our lives miserable?"

"But of course. What greater purpose is there?" Loki asked, genuinely curious. "You mortals were put on Midgard simply for the amusement of beings higher-up then you. Like me."

"Can I please shoot him?" Clint asked again.

"You know, that's actually starting to sound tempting," Tony said.

"Please! The ammunition from your Midgardian weapons bounce off me as if you were flinging rubber bands!" Loki chuckled smugly.

"Oh, yeah?" Clint shot back. "You didn't seem so mighty when my arrow blew up in your face!"

"After which our Jolly Green Giant tossed you around like a rag doll," Tony chuckled. "I've replayed that clip a hundred times."

The reminder caused Loki to glance at Bruce warily a moment before composing his face once more.

"Your _beast _doesn't frighten me," he said, his tone full of bravado.

"Oh, really?" Bruce asked as he stood up.

Loki yelped and leapt backward.

"'Your beast doesn't frighten me,'" Tony mocked.

"You will hold your tongue, Mortal," Loki snapped.

"Or you'll do what? Paint me?" Tony replied. "Seriously, we've come up with better things when we were hammered," Tony said, motioning to Clint and himself. "I mean, what reason could you have for painting the city? It's not particularly evil and it won't help you take over the world."

"Three reasons," Loki replied. "Firstly, it seemed like a good idea at the time. This city needs more color."

"You mean your colors," Tony said.

"There are no other colors that are worthy of my attention," Loki said.

"Can I please shoot him?" Clint asked again.

Everyone ignored him.

"Second reason," Loki continued. "I wished to frame you," he pointed at Tony and Clint. "I knew that you two would be the one's to be blamed for something like this."

"Why would you want to set us up? It's not like we would be arrested or anything, Reindeer Games," Tony said.

"No, but it was great fun to watch you get in trouble with your friends," Loki replied with a smug smile.

"Can I _please _shoot him?" Clint asked yet again.

"In a minute," Tony promised Clint before turning back to Loki. "So what was the third reason?"

"I _am_ the god of mischief," Loki replied.

"If you're a god, then I'm Amelia Earhart!" Steve said.

"Well you did do the whole 'disappeared in a plane crash thing,'" Tony pointed out.

Steve sent him a scathing look.

Before anything else could be said, Feather Butt Jr. flew into the room, squawking furiously. Tony's jaw dropped. The turkey didn't have a feather left on him! He had been shaved completely, from beak to foot.

"Now, can I please shoot him?" Clint asked hopefully.

"Sure," Tony said. "Or we can sic Big Green on him."

Loki's eyes widened and he ran out of the room screaming.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

* * *

**Funny? Not Funny? Let me know? :) **


	22. Toy Store-y

******A/N Sorry this is so late guys. This semester is proving to be much more hectic than last semester. Thanks so much to all of you who alerted, faved, and reviewed! And thanks for all of the awesome Birthday wishes! You guys made my birthday that much better!**

******And thanks so much to the awesome _MarvelAndDCWriter _for the collaboration!**

**Requested by ****_Maverick14th_****: What next? Bringing terrifying children's toys to life and setting them on toy stores? Flooding an entire building? Losing Bruce? Setting Thor's hair on fire? Wonder what insanity they'll come up with next.**

**Well, how about all four? :)**

**Toy Store-y: Fires, Floods, and Forgotten Scientists **

"Last night was awesome!" Tony said as he opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

"You remember last night?" Clint mumbled without opening his eyes.

"No, but I have a feeling it was awesome," Tony replied.

"The only feeling I have is a headache," Clint said, rolling over onto his back and opening his eyes. "Uh... This isn't the tower," he said, looking around as he sat up.

"Huh. Maybe that's why the ceiling looks different," Tony replied. "So where are we?"

"What do I look like, a tour guide? Sit up and look for yourself," Clint said.

Tony sat up, intending to make a smart remark when he was distracted by his surroundings.

"Are we in a toy store?"

"No, we're in a grocery store," Clint said sarcastically.

Tony sent him a withering look before rolling off of the teddy bear display he had been laying on. Clint unobtrusively pushed away the stuffed horse he had been hugging in his sleep and stood up as well.

"So, a couple questions. Why are we in a toy store? Which toy store are we in? Why are we in a toy store? What did we do last night? Why are we in a toy store? Did we end up on Youtube again? Oh, and why are we in a toy store?" Tony said.

Clint took a deep breath before replying. "I don't know. Looks like FAO Schwarz. I don't know. I can't remember. I don't know. I sure hope not. And... I don't know."

"So, we need to do two things. Figure out the answers to those questions, and get out of here before we get in trouble. And not necessarily in that order," Tony said.

"Yeah, that last one is probably a good idea," Clint said. "It might be weird if someone comes in and sees that two grown men slept in a high end toy store last night."

"Yeah, then Youtube would be the least of our problems," Tony agreed.

The two of them began to make their way toward the exit when Clint heard a noise behind them. He froze and grabbed Tony, motioning to him to keep silent. They stood completely still for several minutes, listening. They heard the noise again and Clint whirled around, relaxing at seeing a toy car. It must have been one of those toys that moved on their own with a flip of a switch or motion activated or something. Clint didn't know what kind of toys there were these days.

He started to turn to continue toward the exit when movement caught his attention. He turned to see a doll standing next to a stuffed dog, both staring at them. Before Clint could say anything more, toys appeared from behind displays and around corners. Everything from stuffed animals to dolls to toy cars to toddler education toys appeared. All of them moving and seemingly looking at the two men.

"Did we watch _Toy Story_ last night or something?" Clint asked.

"Which one?" Tony asked.

"The one where the toys talk and walk and do stuff," Clint replied.

"That's every single one," Tony pointed out.

"Exactly, so why do you want to know which one specifically?" Clint asked.

"Cause," Tony replied before suddenly snapping his fingers. "Now I remember this part. We saw a commercial for one of the Toy Story movies, the third one I think, and we decided to see if we could make toys come to life."

"Wait a minute," Clint said holding up a hand. "Are you telling me that we somehow made all of these toys come to life last night? And that they were walking, and talking, and _literally alive_?"

They both stared at each other before Tony spoke.

"Pretty much."

"I'm not sure whether to be excited or creeped out by that," Clint said.

The toys that had been previously standing and staring disconcertingly at them suddenly began to walk, roll, or otherwise move toward them in unison.

"Creeped out. Definitely creeped out," Clint said.

"Agreed," Tony said as they both began to slowly back toward the exit.

With every step they took backward the toys moved forward which only made the situation all the more strange and downright disturbing. Once they were close enough to the exit they made a break for the door and burst outside pulling the door shut behind them.

"Are we just going to leave them like that," Clint asked curiously.

"Feel free to go back in there and take care of it," Tony said.

"You know, I think it'll be fine," Clint replied quickly.

"I thought so," Tony said with only a bit of sarcasm coloring his tone.

"Well, if we're not going to do something about it then we should probably get away from the scene of the crime," Clint said.

"Good idea."

Together, the two of them worked their way back to the tower and headed to the upper floors. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out into... ankle deep water.

"What the...?" Tony trailed off, lifting one foot out of the water.

"Ooh, I think I remember this part," Clint said excitedly before wincing. "We kind of flooded this floor," he said reluctantly.

"Why?" Tony asked, not sure he really wanted to know.

"I can't remember completely but I think there was a fire," Clint said thoughtfully.

"Oh. Yeah," Tony said slowly. "I think I remember that fire having something to do with us."

"How so?" Clint asked.

"If I'm remembering correctly, and I really hope I'm not, I think we caused the fire, but I can't remember any specific details," Tony said.

"I really hope you're wrong," Clint said.

"You're not the only one, Robin Hood," Tony agreed. "Either way, we're not going to find out by standing here."

They began sloshing through rooms in search of answers. They eventually ended up at the kitchen and they peaked in to find Thor, munching on a box of pop tarts with a towel wrapped around his head.

"I think..." Tony trailed off as he was struck by a vague memory.

"We did something to Thor?" Clint asked.

"Yeah," Tony said.

"Do you remember what it was?" Clint asked.

"Nope," Tony said.

"Me neither."

"I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not," Tony mused.

"Me neither," Clint agreed.

Thor looked up and caught sight of them standing in the doorway.

"My Friends!" he greeted. "Come have a delicious pop tart."

"We're good, Big Guy," Clint said. "But thanks anyway."

"Hey, Goldilocks, you trying out a new style?" Tony asked, motioning to makeshift turban on Thor's head.

Instead of answering, Thor removed the towel from his head to reveal that his golden mane of hair was almost completely gone, with only a few singed patches left.

Clint's jaw dropped. At first, he wasn't sure whether to feel bad for him or burst out laughing and take a picture, but Tony's comment made the choice for him.

"Somewhere a fangirl just fainted in horror," Tony said.

Clint began laughing so hard he almost fell down. The several inches of water and Clint's desire to not get wet were the only things keeping him from rolling on the floor as he continued to guffaw.

Tony fared a bit better as he managed to keep from laughing but only by biting his lip and looking anywhere but at Thor.

"Uh, Point Break, um, what happened?" Tony asked as he resolutely stared at the wall as if he could uncover the meaning of life there.

"Do you not remember?" Thor asked.

"Remember what?" Clint asked, getting control of himself.

"Your challenge," Thor answered.

Tony paused. "Oh, yeah I think we made a bet," Tony said to Clint.

Clint nodded. "Yeah, I remember. We made a bet," Clint said before his tone turned uncertain. "A bet about making Thor bald?" he asked, a confused expression adorning his face.

"No, we didn't bet on making him bald but there _was_ something about fire, I think," Tony said.

"You challenged me to set my hair on fire," Thor cut in.

"Oh. I think that was my idea," Tony muttered.

"Okay, just to be clear," Clint said, "you set your own hair on fire. We didn't."

"Correct," Thor replied.

"Oh, good! Then we're off the hook," Clint said brightly.

"What could have possibly given you that idea?" a voice from behind them asked.

Tony and Clint whirled around to see Steve, Natasha, and Pepper standing in the doorway.

"You are not off the hook for anything," Pepper said.

"Hey, Thor just said that he set his own hair on fire," Tony defended.

"Yes, he set his own hair on fire which was something you two put him up to. And it was also what caused the fire sprinklers to go off and flood the floor. So by extension you two were responsible," Steve said with a disapproving look.

"And I have a sneaking suspicion that you two are connected to the toy attack at FAO Schwarz," Natasha added.

"Never heard of it!" Tony and Clint said in unison, before wincing at their fatal mistake.

"Never heard of what, the attack or FAO Schwarz?" Pepper asked sarcastically.

"Both?" Tony said.

Clint didn't even blink an eye at Tony's stupidity. Maybe he was beginning to get used to it. And wasn't that a disturbing thought?

"This time you two are cleaning up your own mess," Steve said. "You two are not only going to clean up this floor but you are going to take care of those toys."

"What?" the two men exclaimed.

"No, no, no. Do you have _any idea _how creepy those toys were?" Clint asked

"You can not send us into that. We might not survive!" Tony agreed.

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic and just do it," Pepper said.

Tony and Clint each gave a resigned sigh before acquiescing with only a minimal pout.

"Now," Natasha commanded.

The two men headed for the door as the rest of the group made their way deeper into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

As they reached the door, Tony pulled up short with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" he asked.

"Hey, has anybody seen Bruce?" Steve asked.

**)()()(**

Bruce vowed once again that Tony and Clint would die as he banged on the locked store room door for the millionth time.

Bruce had followed a drunk Tony and Clint as they stumbled into the toy store. He had been trying to keep tabs on them in the hopes that he could prevent them from getting into trouble. The two drunk men had gone into the back of the store and Bruce had followed. That is, until Bruce turned his back for just a second, only for Tony and Clint to disappear, leaving Bruce to wander, hopelessly lost, in the maze-like back room. He had finally been forced to resort to opening every door he came to in search of the way out. Unfortunately, the last door he went through led to a small storage closet, and locked behind him. And for the rest of the night he had been sitting there, alternating between banging on the door and trying not to look at the creepy sock monkey that kept staring at him.

Yes, Tony and Clint would die, whether by Bruce's own hand or The Other Guy's, he didn't really care. But first he really needed to get out of there, and go to the bathroom.

* * *

**Let me know what you thought. :)**


	23. Buteo Jamaicensis

**A/N Thanks once again to my awesome reviewers. If I haven't responded to you individually I am sorry. I have just been so busy this week it's a miracle that I'm even posting this chapter today. But I do read every review I get and I appreciate all of them. :)**

**Requested by Clint Winchester: You should do one when he turns a drunk Clint into a real hawk. It will be funny to read about a hungover Stark trying to fix his mistake.**

**Buteo Jamaicensis**

"Ah!" Tony yelped and jerked awake as something clamped down on his nose.

He sat bolt upright from where he had been slumped over a desk and raised his hands to his face, dislodging whatever it was that was on his nose. Before he could get a good look at what what it was, he felt something pinch his forearms and hands repeatedly as if something was biting him.

He scrambled away from the desk and in doing so finally caught sight of his attacker. Sitting on the desk, right in front of Tony, was a bird. It was a bird of prey, a falcon or hawk. It was standing, holding it's wings in such a way that looked remarkably like a human with their hands on their hips. And the look in it's eyes was clearly angry and far too intelligent.

Just as he was beginning to wonder if their pet turkey had brought home a friend, a pile of familiar looking clothes, laying nearby, caught Tony's eye and the truth hit him. The bird was indeed a hawk and Tony had seen it's expression, if you could call it that, before, on an undoubtedly human face.

"Clint?" he asked hesitantly.

The bird let out a high pitched squawk.

"Crap," Tony moaned.

He had a feeling it was going to be a long day and he was definitely going to need aspirin before it was over.

"This brings a whole new meaning to the name 'Feathers,'" Tony said.

Clint let out another piercing cry.

"Yes, I know it's my fault. And I know you're mad. And I will fix this, just as soon as I figure out how I did it in the first place," Tony said.

Clint relaxed his wings and gave a placated sounding chirp.

"You're welcome," Tony said before realizing what what he was doing. "Great, now I'm speaking hawk. That can't be normal," he said with a shake of is head. "I'm actually beginning to worry about myself."

Clint squawked at him.

"Hey! I resent that!"

Clint chirped again.

"It doesn't matter whether it's true or not!"

"If what's true?" Bruce asked as he walked into the room. "Are you... talking to a hawk" Bruce asked, coming to a stop upon seeing the bird.

"No. I mean, yes," Tony said.

"Which is it? Yes or no?" Bruce asked with an amused smirk.

"Both. Kind of."

"So you are talking to a hawk but you're not talking to a hawk?" Bruce asked confusedly.

"Exactly!" Tony said cheerily.

Bruce removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on.

"I know this is going to sound like a stupid question to you, but would you care to explain just how that makes sense?" Bruce said.

"Um, well..."

The hawk squawked again causing Bruce to look at it more closely before he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose again.

"Is the hawk Clint?" Bruce asked.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time?" Tony said, his response coming out more as a question than a statement.

"I was never here," Bruce said and turned and walked out of the room.

"I wonder what his problem is," Tony said nodding toward where Bruce had been.

Clint gave him that classic Clint look that plainly said 'you're an idiot.' Tony wondered if the archer had ever considered having it patented.

"All righty! Let's see if we can get you back to your full five foot, five inch self," Tony said with a clap of his hands.

Clint gave an angry screech.

"Okay I admit, you're taller than five-five but you are not six-three," Tony said. "Look, we'll split the difference and call you five foot ten. Happy?"

Clint gave a sound of agreement and Tony retrieved a couple aspirin for his hangover before he started looking through computer data in the hopes that he could find the answer to how to fix Clint or, at the very least, a lead to where the answer could be found.

Tony had only been looking for about five minutes when Clint flapped his wings and gave an impatient cry.

"I have only been looking for five minutes. This is going to take time. I promise to fix you-"

Tony cut off as Clint gave a sputtered squawk before releasing a scolding screech.

"You're right, that doesn't sound right," Tony agreed. "Okay, I will get you back to _normal_, or whatever passes for normal with you," he ignored Clint's protest, "as soon as I can. Until then, go bother someone else. Hey, how about FBJ? I'm sure he would enjoy you're company."

Clint gave a sound that sounded suspiciously like a huff but left all the same.

For the next hour, Tony combed through data and vague memories until he finally found the answer. Or at least he was pretty sure he found it, sixty to seventy percent sure at least, a statistic he would not be sharing with Clint.

He went in search of Clint and found the man, or rather the bird, standing with FBJ and giving the turkey a strange, almost alarmed, look.

"Come on Feathers, let's turn you back into Robin Hood," Tony said.

Clint flapped his wings and flew to perch on Tony's shoulder as he made his way to the lab. They entered the lab to find five other people already there.

"What are you guys doing here?" Tony asked Steve, Thor, Pepper, Natasha, and Bruce.

"Bruce told us what you did," Steve said.

"I thought you were never here," Tony said to his fellow scientist.

"I changed my mind," Bruce said with a shrug.

"Fine. Whatever. Just stay out of my way while I try to fix- I mean, return Legolas to normal," Tony said.

The others moved to one side of the lab while Tony went about turning Clint back into a man. A few minutes later, Pepper quickly turned her back, the men politely averted their eyes, and Tony threw a nearby blanket over his shoulder toward Clint who was once again a man but a man without clothes.

Clint caught the blanket and wrapped it around his waist before the others turned back around.

"Clint? You okay?" Tony asked Clint who hadn't spoken yet.

"I just have one thing to say," Clint said slowly. "It is _scary_ just how intelligent that turkey is."


	24. Blackmail For Life

**A/N So, I had two people request a Tony and Clint in drag chapter. Well, funny enough I actually wrote this chapter a few months ago but I wanted to fulfill requests before posting any other chapters. So, I held onto it and as it turns out, with only slight tweaking it was able to fulfill two requests. :)**

**Thanks so much for all of the reviews guys! I'm sorry I haven't responded individually. I have been running like crazy this week. School and RL decided to gang up on me at the same time. And the only way you guys are even getting a chapter this week is because I happened to already have it written. But I did read every review and I loved them all!**

**Requested by special agent Ali: Can we make Tony and Clint sing in drag and it gets uploaded to Youtube?**

**Requested by J: You ought to have one where they play dress-up with Pepper's and Natasha's dresses and then go out like that!**

**Blackmail For Life**

"What am I wearing?" Clint said as he sat up and looked down at himself. He was sitting on the floor, in the middle of Bruce's lab.

"Probably something similar to what I'm wearing," Clint heard Tony's unmistakeable voice say.

A moment later, Tony appeared from behind some piece of machinery and Clint couldn't keep his jaw from dropping at the site of his friend. Clint looked back down at himself and winced. He was wearing a small purple dress, that he knew belonged to Natasha. The dress reached to his mid thigh and had spaghetti straps. On his feet were very tall, very spiked black heels.

Tony was similarly dressed. He was wearing one of Pepper's red dresses. This one was a bit longer than Clint's, reaching Tony's knees and the straps were a little thicker. Clint was actually pretty amazed that they had actually been able to get into the dresses at all, considering Tony's and Clint's sizes compared to Natasha and Pepper. Those dresses sure did stretch.

_Or at least they do now,_ Clint thought.

As it was, the zippers wouldn't zip all the way and the dresses were very tight. Tony was also hobbling around on very dangerous and very painful looking stilettos, only his were gold.

Clint couldn't help but laugh at the colors.

"Nice outfit there, Iron Girl," he said.

"Hey, that's Iron _Woman _to you_, _Hawkchick. And for your information, I make _this_ look good," Tony said, dramatically putting his hand on his hip.

Clint closed his eyes in mock horror and covered them with his hands.

"Please, don't do that," he said referring to Tony's intentionally feminine pose. After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked at Tony again. "Are my eyes bleeding?"

"Oh, stop being a drama queen," Tony said.

"Tony, the sight of you in a dress would traumatize anyone. The fact that I'm in one too only makes it worse," Clint replied. "You know, Natasha and Pepper are going to kill us for this and it's all your fault."

"My Fault?" Tony cried. "I seem to remember a certain someone saying I wasn't tough enough to wear the kind of shoes women wear."

"And I seem to remember _someone _telling _me_ that I couldn't either," Clint shot back.

"But I wasn't the one to issue a challenge to see who could wear high heels better," Tony said with a smug grin.

"And I wasn't the one who said if we were going to do this we needed to go all out," Clint said, causing Tony's grin to falter.

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony mumbled.

"So you see, it's your fault that Pepper and Natasha are going to kill us for ruining their dresses."

"No we aren't."

They turned at the sound of the voice to see Pepper standing in the doorway. She walked into the lab followed by Natasha, Bruce, Steve, and, lastly, Thor.

"You're not?" Clint asked confusedly. He was so sure that Tony and he were walking dead men.

"No, we're not," Natasha confirmed.

Tony and Clint relaxed, breathing a deep sigh of relief.

"Sorry about the dresses," Tony said.

"Oh, it's no big deal. They were a small price to pay," Pepper said.

"For what?" Clint asked, a feeling of foreboding coming over him.

"For these," Bruce said walking forward and handing the two drag queens a few pictures. "You won't believe what I found in my lab this morning," Bruce said smirking.

Clint and Tony looked at the pictures, their faces growing red with embarrassment. The pictures were of them asleep on the floor in the dresses and heels.

"And it's amazing just how much the security cameras pick up too," Pepper said, holding out her phone which was quickly joined by four others, all of them playing a video of Tony and Clint in drag, singing karaoke in the living room.

"Please tell me that's not on Youtube," Tony said.

"It's not on Youtube... yet," Pepper said.

"That sounds suspiciously like blackmail," Clint said.

"You're a lot smarter than you look," Natasha said.

"I'm not sure whether that was a compliment or an insult," Clint mumbled to Tony.

"Coming from her, there's no telling," Tony mumbled back.

"Oh, and in case you were thinking about deleting the videos," Pepper said, giving Tony a pointed look, "any sign of tampering and the video gets uploaded automatically."

"So, you see, we don't mind about the dresses," Natasha said with a wicked smile as she and the others held up their phones and copies of the pictures, "because the way we see it, they were a small price to pay to have blackmail for life."


	25. Feathered or Not Feathered?

**A/N Thanks so much for all the reviews guys. We made it to two hundred! That's the most reviews I've ever gotten on one story and it's all thanks to you! I tried to respond to as many reviews as I could. If I didn't respond to you it's because I simply didn't have time. This week was a NIGHTMARE school wise. I have been going almost none stop all week and I basically stitched together the tiny shreds that were my free time in order to just write this chapter. I did read every review, though, and I loved them all! :)**

**Special shout out to _rain _who was a guest reviewer so I couldn't respond via PM. Thank you for reviewing old chapters as you read them, instead of just the current one. Not many people do that and I really appreciate it! **

**Requested by _everfaraway_: Follow up to chapter 23: side effect of Tony turning Clint into a hawk is Clint occasionally turns into a hawk minus however Tony did it.**

**Requested by _kimbee_: It'd be funny if Tony turned FBJ into a human. (I also used the rest of your suggestion because it was just too good to pass up but I don't want to give it away so I omitted it right here) :)**

**Requested by _Pearlbunny_: Just a thought here, FBJ getting turned human?**

**P.S. _special agent Ali_, I added in what you requested at the end. :)**

**Feathered or Not Feathered? That Is The Question**

"You have to fix this!" Clint yelled as he stormed into Tony's lab.

Tony turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow as he took in the sight of Clint standing in the lab with absolutely nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

"The shower break or something?" Tony asked. "Cause if it did, I don't have time to fix it right now. You'll just have to take a bird bath."

"No, the shower didn't break!" Clint said scathingly. "I'm just having a bit of trouble _keeping my clothes on _thanks to you!"

Tony didn't even want to think about how wrong that sounded.

"That came out wrong," Clint said after a moment.

"Yes. Yes it did," Tony agreed.

"What I meant was-" Clint began but before he could finish his sentence, Tony was shown what he meant. Suddenly, right where a five foot ten inch tall archer had been a two foot tall red-tailed hawk was in his place.

"Uh, oh," Tony said. "Am I to assume that this is the problem you wanted me to fix?"

Clint gave a bob of his head which could pass for a nod.

"So you've been spontaneously changing into a hawk at random moments before, I assume, changing back again?"

Clint nodded again.

"Okay, so when did it first happen?"

Clint began chirping and screeching.

"So, it first happened last night but you thought you had imagined it or dreamed it. Then it happened earlier this morning and once you changed back you were going to come tell me but just as you finally got your clothes back on, you changed again. That's when you decided to abandon the clothes and just grab a towel. And on the way to the lab you changed one more time," Tony translated.

Clint gave another nod.

"All right, lets see if we can figure out what the problem is."

Tony walked over to his computer and began to type. After a few minutes he found what he was looking for.

"Ah, I see the problem," he said.

"What is it?" a voice right behind Tony said causing the billionaire to start violently and jerk around.

Clint, towel back in place, was standing right behind him.

"Don't do that!" Tony cried placing a hand over his racing heart.

"Sorry," Clint said with no real remorse in his tone. "So, what's the problem?"

"There was a malfunction in the calculations that I used to turn you back into a human," Tony explained.

"So, you made a mistake," Clint said.

"No. There was a malfunction," Tony corrected.

"Which is your way of trying to keep from admitting that you made a mistake," Clint translated.

"Give me a break I was hungover and it was way too early in the morning," Tony said defensively.

"It was noon," Clint said.

"Exactly. Now you understand," Tony said.

Clint just rolled his eyes.

"So, how do we fix-" he cut off again as he reverted to his hawk form.

"Just a few tweaks and corrections to make," Tony replied, taking it in stride.

For the next couple of minutes Tony typed on the keyboard and double checked the equations.

"There," he said finally. "It's done. Now, I just need to turn you back and it should be permanent."

Clint gave a chirp of relief.

Just minutes later, Clint was standing, towel once again wrapped around his waist, fully human once more.

"All righty. You can go put your clothes back on. Let me know if anything else out of the ordinary happens," Tony said as he turned his back to Clint and started working on something on his computer.

"Thanks. I guess," Clint said before walking out of the room.

**)()()(**

Two hours later, Pepper, Natasha, Thor, Steve, and Bruce walked into Tony's lab where the billionaire, their resident archer, and the feathered team pet were.

"What are you doing?" Pepper asked.

Tony and Clint looked up to see their teammates.

"Oh, I got this fantastic idea while I was fixing Cupid!" Tony said excitedly.

While Steve and Thor remained mostly oblivious to the unintentional double meaning of Tony's words, the other three varied between raised eyebrows and suppressed grins as Clint glared at Tony who, for his part, took a minute to realize what he had just said.

"That came out wrong."

"No duh," Clint said.

"I meant, that I came up with this idea when I was turning Bird Boy back into a human," Tony explained.

"Tony, did you turn Clint into something again?" Pepper asked in a warning tone.

"No! It was a side effect of the hawk incident," he said defensively.

"What he means is, he messed up when he changed me back and it made me keep switching back and forth," Clint explained.

"But I corrected it and now he's fine," Tony assured. "And while I was finding the problem I had an idea. If Feathers could be turned into a hawk, why can't FBJ be turned into a human? Bird Boy already told us he has the brains for it."

"More than enough," Clint said with a slight shudder.

"You know, you still haven't told me what freaked you out so much about that turkey," Tony said.

"Believe me, you don't want to know. I know and I wish I didn't so I'm telling you, you don't want to know," Clint said.

"And you two actually thought this was a good idea?" Bruce asked incredulously, bringing the conversation back to the important topic.

"Well yeah. I mean, not only could we communicate with him if he was human, but he might could actually become a part of the team," Tony said excitedly.

"All right, before you do anything, explain to me how this is even plausible," Bruce said.

"Okay, so when Big Bird was turned into a hawk, the computer had to pick a hawk to turn him into. After all, he'd never been a hawk before. So, based on his DNA and his personality, along with other factors, the computer picked the most probable likeness for Legolas if he were a hawk. Now the computer will do the same with FBJ. It will take all of the important factors into account and pick the best fitting human form for him," Tony explained.

Bruce took in Tony's explanation and studied the calculations for a minute before turning to the others.

"This could actually work," Bruce said.

"So, you're saying that we should let them do it?" Natasha asked.

"We'll I don't know about that. I'm just saying that it's possible that it could be done," Bruce corrected.

He was not about to recommend letting Tony and Clint carry out one of their harebrained schemes.

"I have to admit, I'm kind of curious," Steve said.

"And I, too, would like to see Feather Butt Jr. as a Midgardian," Thor agreed.

Natasha and Pepper exchanged a look before Pepper spoke.

"All right, you can do it, but if this thing backfires, like I think it will, a certain video is going on Youtube."

"And no amount of "It seemed like a good idea at the time's" will save you," Natasha added.

"Understood," Tony and Clint said in unison.

"Lets do this," Clint said.

Tony fired up the animal-to-human machine and with a bright flash of light they looked to see a naked Phil Coulson standing across the room. Or rather Phil Coulson had been the closest human form the computer could pick for FBJ. And according to Tony's readings, it was a perfect fit. FBJ was, apparently, the turkey version of Phil Coulson. Tony finally understood what had disturbed Clint about his conversation with the turkey.

"Change him back! Change him back!" several voices cried out, breaking Tony out of his shock.

And as Tony scrambled to turn the turkey back into a turkey a new video was added to Youtube.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it! If so, let me know. If not, still let me know! :)**

**Btw, Happy Valentine's Day! Sorry I didn't do a Valentine's Day themed chapter. Until someone wished me a happy Valentine's Day this morning I forgot it even was Valentine's Day. I guess that's what happens when you're so focused on studying and preparing for an exam. :)**


	26. Today Is Valentine's Day?

**A/N Okay, so I know this is late but like I said before, until yesterday morning, I had forgotten that yesterday was Valentine's Day. I really wanted to do a Valentine's Day chapter and late last night I got inspired and wrote this. So I guess it's better late than never, right? :)**

**Today is Valentine's Day?**

"Oh crap!" Tony said, sitting bolt upright. "Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!"

A low grumble emanating from the archer beside him, met Tony's ears.

"Hey! Hawkbutt! Wake up!" Tony said urgently.

"Go 'way, Tony," Clint said, trying to slip back into blessed unconsciousness.

"Clint! You have got to get up! We are _dead_! And I don't mean dead like other times. This time it's for real! This is, by far, the worst thing we have _ever _done!" Tony said, his voice laced with panic.

Tony's use of Clint's first name instead of one of the stupid and obnoxious nicknames, the billionaire's belief that whatever they had done was worse than anything else, and the panic in Tony Stark's, _Tony-nothing-ever-bothers-me-Stark's, _voice drove all thoughts of sleep from Clint's mind. Any one of those things would have caught Clint's attention but all three combined, had Clint opening his eyes and quickly siting up in concern.

"What? What's wrong?" Clint asked.

He glanced around the room almost expecting to see some kind of threat but it was Tony's grave words that caused an icy, petrifying fear to run through the archer.

"Today is Valentine's Day."

"Oh, no! Please no!" Clint said, hoping, praying that Tony was somehow wrong, lying, or pulling a sick, twisted joke, but one look at the billionaire's face told him otherwise.

"We forgot," Tony stated.

"Nat and Pepper will kill us. For real this time," Clint added.

"And they'll be totally justified. We _forgot _Valentine's Day," Tony said with a moan as he placed his hands over his face and flopped back onto the floor.

"_Sir, I thought you would like to know that Ms. Potts and Agent Romanoff are approaching the lab," _Jarvis suddenly informed.

"So we die at dawn," Tony said.

"It's nine o'clock, Tony," Clint said unhelpfully.

"Your point?" Tony asked.

Clint just let it go. He didn't want his last words to Tony to be an argument. He wanted his last moments to be semi happy, or at least not sad or angry, ones.

With unspoken agreement they both stood to face the music. They didn't have to wait long as Pepper and Natasha entered the lab. When they saw the two men they smiled and moved over to them. Pepper wrapped her arms around Tony's neck and kissed him as Natasha did the same with Clint. Both men savored the last kiss they would ever receive on this Earth.

After a minute, the two women broke away and each held out a card to their boyfriends. Tony and Clint took the proffered cards and opened them, reading the valentines. Tony's was an Iron Man valentine which of course was perfect for him. Pepper really did know him well. Natasha had made an equally perfect choice, with a Hawkeye valentine for Clint.

"Thanks, Pep. I love it," Tony said, somehow successfully keeping the despair out of his voice.

"Me too. Thanks, Nat!" Clint agreed.

"That's just the card, you'll get your gift later," Pepper promised Tony with a smile.

"You too," Natasha told Clint.

Then the lab grew silent as Natasha and Pepper waited expectantly. After a couple of tense, or as the guys would call it, unbearable, minutes Pepper finally spoke up.

"Well? Don't you two have something for us?" she prompted.

Tony opened his mouth to just bite the bullet and admit they had forgotten when an idea flashed into his mind.

"Actually, Pep, it's not done yet. We actually came up with the idea for both of your valentines together and we have been working on it but we're not done yet. You actually interrupted us just now. I'm really sorry we don't have it done yet, Pep," Tony said putting some remorse into his tone a hanging his head a bit.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Clint sending him a look that was somewhere between awe and panic.

"You're making us something?" Pepper asked, sounding touched.

"Uh, yeah, we thought it was more thoughtful that way," Clint said, following Tony's lead.

He may have thought the billionaire was nuts for lying to them but at least it was buying them time.

"That is so sweet," Pepper said, giving Tony a hug.

"Not bad," Natasha said, giving Clint an approving smile.

For a brief moment both men breathed internal sighs of relief. Then Pepper spoke again.

"All right, we'll leave so you can finish," Pepper said excitedly.

Tony's and Clint's eyes widened just a bit but they kept their fear mostly hidden and smiled at the two women as they left the room. Once they were gone, Tony's and Clint's smiles fell and they looked at each other in terror.

"Tony, what do we do? They left us so we can finish their valentines. What valentines!" Clint shouted. "We have nothing and when they find out that not only did we forget Valentine's Day but we lied to them about it too? They won't just kill us, they will torture us slowly and painfully before killing us."

"Relax. We'll come up with something," Tony said. "We have too."

They thought for several minutes, becoming more worried and on edge as the time ticked by before suddenly, Tony had an epiphany.

"I've got it!" he cried.

He proceeded to explain his idea to Clint whose eyes lit up and he looked at Tony in relief.

"Tony, that's perfect! They will love it and our hides will be saved!"

"Stick with me, oh-ye-of-little-faith," Tony said as he grabbed a phone and made a call.

Clint's happy relief soon faded as he listened to Tony's side of the phone conversation.

"What? Two days! No, I need it today...What do you mean you can't?... Look money is no object... What do you mean it's not possible?... Yeah. Thanks for nothing," Tony said irritably and hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" Clint asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

"They can't get it here for two days."

"What! We'll be dead by then!" Clint cried.

"I know, but Valentine's Day has stretched them thin and they just can't do it," Tony said.

"Now what are we supposed to do?" Clint groaned.

Tony thought for a moment.

"We may be able to salvage it. I have an idea but we can't carry it out until it gets dark. So we'll have to tell the girls that they have to wait until tomorrow," Tony said.

"Yeah, that'll end well," Clint said sarcastically.

"Look, either we feed them a story and make them wait until tomorrow or we tell them the truth," Tony said.

"So we're dead if we do, dead if we don't," Clint said.

"I'll take that as 'you're in,'" Tony said. "So here's what we have to do."

After hearing Tony's plan, Clint was sure that the billionaire's plan was going to fail epically and was going to get them in ever so much trouble, but unfortunately Clint didn't have any better ideas and they really had no other choice.

"All right," the archer said resignedly. "But what do we tell the girls?"

"Leave that to me. I have an idea," Tony said before leaving the lab.

He entered the living room where Natasha and Pepper were watching TV. He waited until they saw him before speaking.

"Hey, Natasha, Pep, I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're going to have to wait until tomorrow for your valentines."

Natasha narrowed her eyes at the billionaire.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you two had forgotten about Valentine's Day and are now trying to cover it up."

Tony almost choked as Natasha hit the nail on the head, but he held it together and put on a convincing smile.

"Not even close!" he scoffed. "We were almost done when Dummy got in my way and tripped me. I fell and accidentally destroyed all of our work. There's no way to salvage what we have. We have to get all new materials and no matter how hard I tried they won't be delivered until tomorrow. Apparently, Valentine's Day has everybody backed up," Tony said, praying desperately that they would buy it.

The two women scrutinized him for a long moment and it was all Tony could do to keep from squirming and fidgeting under the harsh gazes. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to the uncomfortable billionaire, the two women relaxed and accepted his explanation and apology for making them wait.

Tony was quick to escape back to the lab after that. He walked in and found Clint nervously pacing.

"Do we need to run? Or hide? Or update our wills?" the archer asked.

"No, they bought it. We're clear. Now all we have to do is wait for it to get dark then Operation: Valentine aka Operation: Save our butts, begins."

**)()()(**

**The Next Morning**

"All right, you ready?" Tony asked as he and Clint positioned Natasha and Pepper in front of their valentines.

The two men were standing behind their girlfriends with their hands covering the girls' eyes.

"Yes," Pepper said excitedly.

On the count of three, Clint and Tony removed their hands and Pepper and Natasha opened their eyes to see two life-sized life-like statues of themselves made completely out of red roses.

"Oh, Tony," Pepper breathed. "It's beautiful."

She stepped forward and gently caressed one of the flowers that made up her flowing hair. Not only did the statues look like them but they were posed perfectly. Pepper's likeness looked strong and beautiful and Natasha's looked stunning and dangerous.

"What do you think, Nat?" Clint asked, holding his breath.

Natasha studied the statue a minute before finally turning and giving Clint a small smile.

"You did good. Even though I still think you forgot. I guess you mostly made up for it."

Clint almost passed out from relief. Although, Pepper may or may not have _actually _killed Tony, Clint's girlfriend was more than capable and under the right circumstances, more than willing to kill him. And Clint was pretty sure that forgetting Valentine's Day would fall into the 'right circumstances.' But it had worked out and he was off the hook. Thank goodness.

Tony, likewise, was feeling the relief as Pepper threw her arms around him and kissed him.

"I love it," she said once she pulled away.

Natasha even gave Clint a quick kiss and for a few minutes everything was perfect, until Jarvis, the AI-that-was-so-getting-dismantled-after-this, turned on the news.

_And in other news, authorities are still trying to figure out who managed to sneak into the warehouse housing the flowers for the three day Valentine's Day Flower Show in Times Square, and steal five hundred red roses._

Natasha and Pepper slowly turned to look at Tony and Clint.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said hastily before he and Clint started slowly backing out of the room.

"I hate you Tony," Clint mumbled.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Tony mumbled back.

"What bright side?" Clint asked incredulously.

"At least, this time, they don't have an embarrassing video of us to upload to Youtube."

The look Clint gave him, made Tony suddenly feel very alone and very _very _threatened.

* * *

**Let me know if you liked it! **

**Hopefully, having two chapters in two days will make it up to you guys for missing Valentine's Day. :P**

**Oh, and if you liked this, then you might want to go over to MarvelAndDCWriter's page and check out his story _It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time – The Second Series. _He came up with his own Valentine's Day chapter that he actually posted on Valentine's Day. I thought it turned out pretty funny. Check it out, you might like it. :)**


	27. Fire In The Hole

**A/N Thanks so much for the reviews guys! I know this is short and not my best work but I wanted to give you guys an update and this was the best I could come up with after working on my three page American Lit essay yesterday.**

**PS. I only know a little bit about Clint's back story from what I've read in other fics, so I tried to keep it vague but if I got anything wrong let me know and I'll fix it.**

**Requested by dreamydaydreamer: When Clint gets drunk soon after they first come together (as in when they're still getting to know each other as people rather than comrades) Tony shamelessly takes the opportunity to quiz him about his back-story in his inebriated state. Cue awesome circus skills. 50000000 if poi-spinning is involved**

**Fire In The Hole**

Clint and Tony came back to consciousness and after grabbing aspirin they began their, now familiar, routine of checking to see what they had done and how much trouble they were in.

Upon finding nothing out of the ordinary, no one trying to kill them, and no fragmented 'uh oh' type memories, they looked at each other in shocked amazement. For the very first time, they had gotten drunk and _nothing had gone wrong_!

"Let's celebrate!" Tony said excitedly.

"Tony, the last thing I am going to do to celebrate not getting into trouble while drunk with you, is have a drink with you," Clint said.

"No, I wasn't suggesting we drink anything, well except coffee-"

"Yes, please," Clint agreed.

"What I was suggesting was we celebrate by watching the video of the very first time we got drunk," Tony explained.

"We have that on tape?" Clint asked surprised.

"Well we got drunk here, so yeah."

"You know we really should disable the security cameras before we drink," Clint said.

"Think about it. That wouldn't really help. All we use the security feeds for is to see what we did. The results of what we did are already there and we're always already in trouble. The videos just show us how we got there in the first place."

"Yeah, I guess that wouldn't help. Maybe if we stopped drink-"

"Bite your tongue! Blasphemy!" Tony said interrupting him.

"What was I thinking? I don't know where that came from!" Clint cried.

"Your brain is on the fritz from lack of coffee. We can fix that!" Tony said and led Clint to the kitchen.

Once they had retrieved their coffee, they settled onto the couch in front of the TV and Tony commanded Jarvis to start playing the security footage of the first time Tony and Clint got drunk together.

**)()()(**

"So, Legolas, what's your story?" a very drunk Tony Stark asked an equally drunk Clint Barton.

The team had been a team for all of a month. They had only been living in the tower for about a week and a half and the whole time Tony had made it his mission to get every member of the team drunk but so far he had only succeeded in getting Clint to drink with him.

Tony was aware that he was drunk and he was aware that his judgment was probably not the best at the moment but he was also aware that Clint was drunk and it was the perfect opportunity to pump the archer for information even if the billionaire might not remember any of it the next morning.

"Before or after my abusive parents died?" Clint asked, his inhibitions completely gone.

Tony may have been drunk but he was not drunk enough (and he doubted he ever could be drunk enough) to even think about touching the 'before' part with a ten foot pole but he was still curious.

"After," he said.

"Joined the circus," Clint slurred.

Now, that Tony couldn't let go.

"You were in the circus?" he asked interestedly.

"Yeah. That's where I learned to shoot, among other things," Clint replied.

"Like what?" Tony asked. "Juggling?"

"Yeah and acrobatics and general circus stuff," Clint said.

"So, what's the most dangerous thing you can do?" Tony asked.

"Well, I can do high-wire and a little trapeze. One of the most dangerous and fun juggling things I can do is poi spinning," Clint said proudly.

"Poi what?" Tony slurred.

"Poi spinning. Basically New Zealand fire spinning," Clint slurred back.

"Dude! You totally have to show me that!" Tony drunkenly exclaimed.

"All right," Clint agreed.

If he had been sober not only would he _not _have agreed to juggle _fire _indoors but he also would have had enough control to _not _set the curtains on fire.

But he _wasn't_ sober and he _did_ agree to juggle fire and he _did_ accidentally set fire to the curtains when he got a little too close.

Right up until then, though, Tony thought he was totally awesome! But that kind of stopped when the drapes went up and the fire sprinklers activated.

**)()()(**

"I don't remember anything after that," Tony said as the security footage wrapped up.

"Probably because that's when we finally passed out," Clint said.

"Things would have been a lot better if we had just passed out a little sooner," Tony said.

"Or if you hadn't asked me to juggle fire," Clint added.

Tony shrugged.

"What can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time."

* * *

**Let me know if it was okay! :)**


	28. Tattoos

**A/N Hey guys! Sorry this isn't a request fill. I am working on a couple of them but they aren't finished yet and I wanted to give you guys an update so I pulled out and dusted off one of the chapters I wrote months ago but never got around to posting due to all of the requests I got. I promise the next one will be a requested chapter.**

**Thanks so much to my amazing reviewers! You guys are seriously awesome!**

**Tattoos**

"Hey Tony," Clint greeted as a hungover Tony shuffled into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

Tony nodded and took the cup gratefully as he sat down across from Clint at the breakfast table.

"Aspirin?" Tony asked.

Clint pulled the bottle out of his pocket and tossed it to Tony.

"Do you know how we got home last night?" Clint asked, sipping his own coffee.

"I seem to have a vague recollection of a cab," Tony answered. "Jarvis, how did we get home last night?"

"_You and Agent Barton arrived via taxi cab, sir,"_ the AI responded.

"Good. If we drove home ourselves Natasha and Pepper would kill us," Clint said.

"Agreed," Tony said.

They drank their coffee in hungover silence for several minutes until Clint got up to get a refill.

"What's that?" Tony asked spotting something white sticking out from where Clint's shirt had ridden up.

"What?" Clint asked turning around.

"On your back."

Clint reached under his shirt and felt of his lower back. "It feels like a bandage."

"Let me see," Tony said getting up and walking over to the archer.

He lifted up Clint's shirt to reveal a square of white gauze taped to his back.

"It _is_ a bandage," Tony said.

"Did I get hurt last night?" Clint asked.

"You probably sold your kidney," Tony said with a smirk.

"That's really not funny," Clint said nervously.

Tony peeled the gauze off of Clint's back and stared at what was underneath.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing, you definitely didn't sell your kidney."

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" Clint asked trying to turn around enough to see his back.

"It's a tattoo," Tony said.

Clint froze. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Sorry, Body Art, but I'm not."

Clint cursed. "What is it?"

"It's Natasha, naked, holding a bow."

"_What?_" Clint shrieked, spinning around.

"Relax. Now, I'm joking," Tony said, grinning.

"I will kill you slowly and painfully," Clint said with a dangerous expression.

"It's a hawk in flight carrying a bow in it's talons," Tony said quickly.

Clint relaxed just a bit. "Well that's not nearly as bad as having a tattoo of Natasha. She would kill me if I did that."

"Why would she kill you?"

"Because she is, and I quote, 'not an object to be drawn on a man's body.'" Clint explained.

"Oh, the old 'I am not an object speech.'"

"Pepper doesn't feel the same way?" Clint asked.

"Of course she does. Where do you think I've heard that speech before?" Tony said.

"Hey what's that?" Clint said pointing at Tony's left shoulder, where a corner of what looked like a gauze bandage was sticking out of Tony's shirt collar.

"Where?" Tony asked.

"On your shoulder."

Tony reached his hand over and felt the gauze. "Uh oh."

"Turn around," Clint ordered.

Tony turned around and slipped his shirt off, revealing a square gauze bandage identical to Clint's on the back of Tony's left shoulder. Clint grabbed the gauze and peeled it off.

"Well I guess we know what we did last night," Clint said as he looked at Tony's tattoo. "Uh, Tony? You said Pepper would be mad if you got a tattoo of her right?"

"Yeah," Tony said warily.

"Then you might be in trouble," Clint said slowly.

"Why?"

"Because unlike mine, your tattoo is of people."

"Please tell me it's not a picture of a naked Pepper," Tony begged.

"You don't see me averting my eyes and running screaming from the room do you?" Clint asked dryly.

"Hey that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" Tony snapped.

"Exactly. _Your _girlfriend. Who would team up with _my_ girlfriend to kill me if I saw a picture of her naked. Even if it's just a tattoo. And how on earth did we get so off topic?"

Tony shrugged. "So, if it's not Pepper then what is it?"

"The Iron Man suit."

"Oh, is that all?" Tony said relaxing.

"Flying through the air. Carrying a damsel in distress."

Tony tensed.

"A damsel in distress that happens to have red hair," Clint finished.

"Does she have clothes on?" Tony asked.

"Yes, Tony, she has clothes on," Clint said, exasperated.

"Then it could be worse."

"Oh, like if she was kissing the Iron Man helmet?" Clint asked.

"She's not," Tony said desperately.

"Yeah, she is," Clint replied.

"Well, crap."

"My sentiments exactly," Clint agreed. "Why? Why would we get tattoos?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said.

"How? How could this possibly seem like a good idea _ever_?" Clint demanded.

"How should I know? I was drunk. But you must have agreed with me if the evidence on your back is any indication," Tony replied, effectively shutting Clint up. "Jarvis, find someone who can remove tattoos and set up an appointment for today," Tony ordered. "As early as possible, today," he amended.

"_Yes sir," _the AI replied.

"Uh, Jarvis, make that two appointments," Clint added.

"_Of course, sir."_

Neither Tony nor Clint acknowledged what sounded suspiciously like amusement in the AI's voice.

* * *

**Let me know if it was any good. :)**


	29. Exhibit A

**A/N Hey guys, thanks for all the reviews! Sorry I haven't responded individually. School is hitting me pretty hard right now. But I read all of the reviews and I loved them all! Thank you!**

**As Promised this one is a request. I don't know how good it is. Like I said, school is hitting hard and that doesn't inspire very much humor. I did my best though and hopefully things will start lightening up soon and I can start getting back on the ball. :)**

**Thanks to _MarvelAndDCWriter_ for the help! You got me motivated to finish this!**

**Requested by _Autumn's Fire_: Honey, feathers, leotards, and tribal war paint. I have faith you can come up with something hilarious.**

**Exhibit A**

Tony and Clint had woken up in very strange places and very strange situations before. They had even woken up wearing dresses. But this time had to make at least the top five strangest wake ups, at least in Clint's mind.

He woke up feeling cold and it was immediately apparent why. He sat up to a very strange sight and had to blink and look again to be sure he wasn't imagining it.

"What-" Clint wasn't even sure how to react to this.

He climbed to his feet and looked down at himself. He was bare-chested and wearing nothing but a leather loincloth around his waist.

He was actually amazed. He had thought that nothing could surprise him anymore and look at that, he was surprised.

A minute later, Clint heard the now familiar sounds of Tony waking up, somewhere nearby, which was followed by a similarly dressed billionaire appearing and coming to stand beside Clint.

"The Tarzan look doesn't really work for us," Clint said.

"I don't know. I think I look kind of good," Tony said, puffing his chest out a bit.

"Well, I don't. So, there."

Tony shrugged. "That's your own problem, Legolas. You should hit the gym or something."

Clint wasn't going to respond until he saw Tony flexing, checking himself out.

"I do workout, everyday. It's kinda what I do at SHIELD," Clint shot back. "But seriously, how are you even that buff? I never see you workout."

"I don't know if you've heard, but I'm Iron Man. The suit is like eighty pounds. You put it on, then go around flying and fighting bad guys, you're gonna see results. It's like the ultimate workout machine."

Clint just rolled his eyes before taking a good look at Tony for the first time since they had woken up.

"What is on your face!" Clint exclaimed as he took in what appeared to be paint smeared all over Tony's face. "It looks like paint."

Tony reached up and felt his face.

"It feels like paint. Oh, and you have it too," he said.

Clint followed Tony's example and felt of his own face before crossing his arms in exasperation, freezing as he did so.

"What is all over my chest?" Clint asked, fingering the sticky substance that was smeared on his bare chest.

"Probably the same thing that's on mine," Tony replied.

"I'm actually not sure I want to know what it is," Clint said.

"It's honey," Tony said, causing Clint to look at him and see his finger stuck in his mouth.

"Please tell me you did not just taste that," Clint said.

"Well, yeah," Tony said with a shrug.

"Seriously? We wake up with some kind of unknown substance on us and the first thing you do is taste it?" Clint asked incredulously. "Tony, how stupid can you be?"

"Well, how else were we supposed to know what it was?" Tony snapped.

"Tony, do you like chocolate covered raisins?" Clint asked out of nowhere.

"Sometimes, why?" Tony asked.

"On the off chance that you are ever in the woods and you see what looks like chocolate covered raisins on the ground, whatever you do, do _not _taste them, okay?" Clint said.

"Why?" Tony asked again.

"Just promise me," Clint said.

"Okay. Whatever. I won't eat chocolate covered raisins off the ground," Tony said.

"Thank you. Now why do we have honey on our chests?"

"Probably the same reason we shaved FBJ over there." Tony pointed.

Clint turned to see that, once again, FBJ had been completely shaved…and he didn't look too happy about it.

"Well, how do you know it was us who did it?"

The electronic razor sitting on the floor a few feet from them answered his question.

"Man, that has got to be one strong razor to cut through feathers," Clint said.

"Well, of course," Tony said. "It's a Stark razor. It can cut through anything."

"Really? Anything?" Clint asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, it can even cut through your leg hair," Tony snarked.

"Don't be surprised if you wake up bald tomorrow," Clint said, effectively shutting Tony up. "Now I would really like to know what we did last night and why."

"Cue Jarvis," Tony said.

"_I have indeed been cued, Sir," _Jarvis said as a nearby screen activated showing some kind of security footage.

"Look at you, Jarvis. Anticipating our request," Tony praised as he and Clint began watching the footage.

It didn't take them long to realize that the footage was not of the Tower. It appeared to be of the inside of a museum. The reasoning behind that became apparent as Tony and Clint staggered into the frame wearing the leather loincloths and face paint and also feathers.

"Now we know why we shaved FBJ," Tony said, motioning to the brown feathers that were hanging around their necks and in their hair on the screen.

Their drunk selves staggered over to what appeared to be an exhibit of Native Americans, complete with spears and war paint, and climbed up onto the platform. They each took up a position amidst the wax Indians and became absolutely still. Minutes later, people touring the museum became visible on the footage. The footage then sped up, until the time stamp indicated that an hour had passed. For the full hour Tony and Clint had remained completely still as families and school groups walked by the exhibit.

They couldn't tell for sure, but as Tony and Clint watched the footage they began to suspect that they had fallen asleep in the exhibit. A theory that seemed to gain more credibility as their filmed selves seemed to wake up and stretch before stumbling off the exhibit, obviously still quite drunk, and out of the camera frame.

"Out of a museum full of people, no one notices two drunk white guys sleeping in a Native American exhibit?" Clint asked.

"I've always wanted to do that," Tony said, still watching the video.

"You've always wanted to dress up like an Indian and stand in a pre-America exhibit at a museum?" Clint asked, half incredulously and half sarcastically.

"Yeah, haven't you?" Tony asked curiously.

"No, because I'm actually normal," Clint shot back.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said with a shrug before changing the subject. "I wonder where the honey came in?" he mused.

"I don't think I want to know," Clint said. "You know, I still can't believe no one noticed us. Especially while we were in the exhibit. Did people really think we were made of wax and _actually _a part of the exhibit?" Clint asked.

"_I believe that was the case Agent Barton," _Jarvis chimed in. _"The museum apparently reported the theft of three statues. Two of which were from the Native American exhibit. The police are quite stumped as to how someone managed to steal the statues amidst all the people."_

"It sounds almost as if they just got up and walked out the door," Tony laughed.

"Wait!" Clint said causing Tony to stop laughing and look at him. "Jarvis said _three _statues were stolen. Did we steal a wax statue last night?" he groaned.

"_No, Agent Barton, you did not steal a mannequin. You were, however, not alone."_

Before Clint could ask what he meant, the footage caught his eye again. The footage had changed from the Native American exhibit to a prehistoric caveman exhibit. The two men watched for just a moment before both of their laws dropped. Before they could say anything (or bust out laughing), they heard a noise behind them and turned to see, in person, what they had just been looking at on the screen.

There, standing in front of them, from where he had appeared from behind a nearby desk was Bruce, wearing a spotted, one shoulder, Tarzan-style leotard.


	30. Go Green

**A/N Happy (early) St. Patrick's Day! Thanks so much for the reviews guys! I cannot believe that this story has made it to THIRTY chapters! I never thought it would make it past ten! Not to mention making it to almost 300 reviews! So, thank you guys so much!**

**Just to let all of you know, next week is my spring break (Hallelujah!) and I will be leaving this weekend to go on a trip for the whole week. There is only a very slight chance of me being able to have Internet access. That being said, I will try my best to get Internet so I can give you guys an update but I can't guarantee anything.**

**On a completely unrelated note, there is a 'hint hint, wink wink' reference in this chapter to a current TV show. The first person who can spot the reference and tell me what TV show it is referring to, wins the honor of making a request and it will go to the top of my request list (it won't be posted next week, because I won't have time to write on my vacation, but it will be the one I work on next). So, all you have to do is spot the reference and tell me what show it's referencing (yes I know I have typed the word 'reference' too many times) and you will go to the top of the request list! :)**

**Requested by Pearlbunny: Shield has a party. They invite the Avengers.**

**Go Green**

"Ow!" Clint cried as he came back to consciousness.

He looked to see Tony sitting beside him, drawing his hand back from where he had just pinched the archer on the arm.

"What was that for?" Clint asked.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day!" Tony said cheerily.

That explained the green shirt that Tony was wearing. Green was not a color Tony was seen wearing very often.

"Ow!" Clint cried as Tony pinched him again. "Would you stop doing that!"

"Put on some green and I will," Tony said and reached for Clint's arm again but Clint wasn't about to sit by and be pinched again.

He leapt to his feet and out of Tony's reach. He knew Tony wouldn't give up so he quickly left the room and made his way to his bedroom. Once there, he rifled through his drawers looking for anything green to wear.

He came across a sleeveless green hoodie that he didn't even know he owned and had no memory of ever wearing. He pulled it on and looked in the mirror.

"Huh, not bad," he mumbled.

He flipped up the hood just to see how it would make him look but quickly pulled the hood back down. It wasn't bad. It made him look kind of dangerous and mysterious, but at the same time it wasn't really his style. But he figured it was the best green thing he had, so he decided to go with it, if for no other reason than to keep Tony from being able to pinch him.

Clint left his room and was walking up the hall when he met Steve who was coming out of his room. Clint just couldn't resist. He reached out and pinched Steve's arm.

"Hey! What was that for?" Steve asked.

"St. Patrick's Day. Either wear green or get pinched," Clint said with a grin.

"Oh, right," Steve said before disappearing back into his room.

He reappeared seconds later holding a pair of green socks.

"You think these will work?" he asked.

"Sure, just make sure Tony sees them before he has a chance to pinch you. Better yet, you might just want to wear shorts," Clint warned before continuing up the hall, leaving Steve to put on his socks.

The urge to pinch someone on St. Patrick's Day is strong and contagious and Clint hadn't gone far before he heard Thor's voice.

"What is the meaning of this assault on my person, Friend Steve?"

Clint chuckled and kept walking, knowing Steve would explain it to their Asgardian friend. The archer entered the kitchen to the wonderful smell of breakfast cooking. Bruce was at the stove, his back to Clint and not a speck of green on him. Once again, Clint couldn't help it. He snuck up behind Bruce and pinched the scientist on the arm.

Bruce yelped in surprise and whirled around. Upon seeing Clint, he took a deep breath and forced down a certain instinctual reaction.

"Clint are you suicidal?" Bruce asked.

"Sorry," Clint said sheepishly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I shouldn't have snuck up on you."

"No kidding," Bruce said. "Did Tony tell you to pinch me to try to make me Hulk-out?"

"Okay, first off, even if he had, I am not stupid enough to listen to him when it comes to you. Secondly, no, he didn't send me. It's St. Patrick's Day and you're not wearing green," Clint replied.

"And I'm not going to. Underneath this," Bruce motioned to his whole body, " I am green. If anyone has an excuse to not wear green on St. Patrick's Day it's me."

"Good point," Clint conceded.

Mentally, he realized that if Bruce kept getting pinched, the whole not wearing green problem wouldn't be an issue anymore. So, he decided it was probably best to not pinch the scientist again.

Instead, he sat down at the table to wait for breakfast. A few minutes later, they were joined by Steve and Thor who was wearing a green cape. Clint was literally a second away from making a Loki comment when he caught himself and decided that that might not be a good idea.

Clint saw the glint in Steve's and Thor's eyes a second too late and was unable to stop them before they both reached out and pinched Bruce on his arms.

The scientist once again yelped, not expecting his friends to pinch him, and had to take another deep breath to calm himself.

"Sorry, Bruce. I didn't think," Steve said immediately.

"My apologies as well. It appeared to be a splendid idea a moment ago," Thor added his own apology.

"Yeah, it kind of seemed like a good idea at the time," Steve agreed.

"It's all right," Bruce said after taking another deep breath. "Just please don't do it again."

"We won't," Steve assured.

"If it's any consolation, I did the same thing," Clint said as Steve and Thor joined him at the table.

Right then, Natasha walked in wearing, of all things, a deep olive colored catsuit.

"Well, looks like someone planned ahead," Clint said.

"Do you really think I'd give Tony an excuse to pinch me?" Natasha asked as she sat down next to Clint.

"Thank you," Bruce said to Natasha as he started setting food on the table.

"You're welcome," Natasha said.

"For what?" Clint asked.

"For not pinching me," Bruce said.

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Clint asked curiously.

"Because I'm not an idiot," Natasha said simply.

Clint couldn't really argue with her and even if he did, it probably wouldn't end well.

"And besides that, Bruce doesn't have to wear green. His is built in," she added.

"Yeah, I got that now," Clint said.

They were soon joined by Pepper who, like Natasha, came prepared. She was wearing a dark green, silk scarf and, also like Natasha, she was smart enough, or maybe just kind enough, that she didn't pinch Bruce either.

Together, the six of them sat down and began eating. They had only been eating a few minutes when Tony finally decided to join them. When Steve and Thor had come in, Clint hadn't been prepared but this time he was ready and he grabbed Tony by the arm and pulled him into the chair next to him before the billionaire could make it to Bruce.

Bruce sent the archer a grateful look and Clint smirked in return. If it had been anyone but Bruce, Clint probably wouldn't have stopped Tony but Clint felt like he owed Bruce for pinching him and if anyone could make Bruce Hulk-out it was probably Tony. And besides that, Bruce was a nice guy who hadn't done anything to deserve Tony.

"We got invited to a party," Steve said in an attempt to distract the billionaire.

"Sweet! What party?" Tony asked.

"The one SHIELD is throwing," Steve said.

Tony scowled in distaste.

"No thanks," he said.

"Actually we don't really have a choice," Steve said. "I got the feeling that it was a bit closer to an order than an invite."

"In that case, they had better have something stronger than sodas to drink," Tony grumbled.

"Oh, and for some reason, they want us to bring FBJ too," Steve said.

"Why?" Clint asked.

"I don't know. All I know is all of us, plus the turkey, are supposed to be on the helicarrier in an hour and a half," Steve said.

"They had _really_ better have something there to drink," Tony grumbled again.

**)()()(**

Two hours later, the seven of them were on the helicarrier for the SHIELD St. Patrick's Day party. Phil had met them when they landed and walked with them to the bridge. He had volunteered to take FBJ and the two of them had disappeared into the crowd a while ago, but before they did, Tony could have sworn that the SHIELD agent had been talking to the bird.

Since then, Clint, in an attempt to keep Tony distracted from pinching Bruce, had successfully found something "good to drink." Tony's words not his. Of course, the billionaire had made sure to include Clint and the two of them were starting to feel a lot better about having to be at the party. In fact they were starting to feel a lot better about a lot of things. Although Tony was ahead of the archer and was nearing the "judgment out the window" point, Clint was easily past the, "keep a constant vigil on Tony" point and was well into the relaxed "ah, he'll be all right" stage.

Steve, Thor, Natasha, and Pepper had been mingling and were even having a fairly decent time. Bruce on the other hand, not so much.

"Ow!" he cried as he was pinched yet again.

"Having problems?" Clint asked with a barely suppressed grin as he came to stand beside Bruce.

The archer was still wearing the green hoodie that was currently keeping him safe from the fate Bruce was enduring. He considered giving the hoodie to Bruce to spare him but that would leave Clint open to the pinches and, after all, Bruce did chose to go greenless.

"Yeah, people keep pinching me," Bruce said, irritation plain in his voice.

"It's your own fault. You decided to come without any green," Clint pointed out.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Bruce said.

Before Clint could respond, another person walked by and Bruce snapped.

"The next person who pinches me is getting Hulk Smashed!" Bruce exploded.

Unfortunately, Tony never does what he's told.

* * *

**Reminder: if you're the first to spot the reference your request jumps to the front of the line!**

**Let me know if you liked it! And don't forget to wear green Sunday or you'll end up like Bruce! :)**


	31. FWI

**A/N YES! I hath foundeth Internet! So that means all of you get a chapter. It is not a request because I obviously didn't have time to write as I am too busy having an awesome time on my vacation! So, this one is one of my old chapters that I have been keeping for just such occasions as this.**

**Thanks so much for all of the reviews guys! Once I was able to get on the Internet I found that my inbox had pretty much exploded from the reviews, follows, and favs, so thanks!**

******Way to go you guys! So many of you got the "Clint wearing a green hoodie" reference from last chapter. Yes, it was to The CW's new show _Arrow. _If you haven't heard of it, it is The CW's take on The Green Arrow (for those who may not know, The Green Arrow is basically DC Comics version of Hawkeye) and it is a really good show (IMO). Of course no one could ever be as awesome as Hawkeye (or the Avengers for that matter) but _Arrow _actually comes pretty close. So, if you haven't seen it, you might want to check it out. You just might like it. :)**

**Oh, and kudos to those who can recognize what movie inspired this chapter! :)**

**FWI**

Pepper was sitting in the living room minding her own business when there was a knock on the door. That in and of itself was strange, since the people that were authorized to come to the upper floors of the tower just walked right in.

She got up and went to the door. When she opened it and saw who was on the other side she was sorely tempted to say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry, you have the wrong address,' and close the door.

She didn't, though. Instead she stood there taking in the site of Tony and Clint flanked by two police officers. One of the officers was older, maybe early forties, while the other looked to be mid to late twenties.

"Excuse me, ma'am," the older officer said, tipping his hat to her. "We were ordered to escort these two home."

"What did they do?" Pepper asked.

"FWI, ma'am," the younger officer said.

"FWI?" Pepper asked.

"Flying while intoxicated," the younger officer supplied.

"What happened?" she asked, resignedly.

"Well, Mr. Stark and Mr. Barton decided to borrow a biplane and take it for a spin," the older man explained.

"You didn't," she said looking at Tony and Clint. The two men refused to look at her. Instead focusing their attention on the floor. "You did."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said sheepishly.

"How drunk are you?" she demanded of the two of them.

"Actually not so much anymore," Clint said, hoping to temper her wrath, but then Tony had to open his mouth.

"Yeah, it's amazing how much crashing a plane can sober you up."

Clint facepalmed.

"What?" Pepper shrieked.

Tony belatedly found wisdom and decided to keep his mouth shut.

"Best we can figure, they were trying to fly through a barn upside down," the older officer said.

Clint and Tony sent the man a glare. Pepper took a deep breath and forced herself to remain calm.

"At least tell me that the press hasn't caught wind of this," she said.

"Well, anytime a biplane crashes doing acrobatics, being flown by two celebrities, neither one of them with pilot's licenses, the reporters are going to hear of it," the older officer said.

Pepper closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She could feel a headache coming on.

"Thank you, officers. I will take it from here," Pepper said giving the two police men a sweet smile before it turned downright deadly as she looked at Tony. The billionaire gulped nervously and Clint snickered at him. "Oh, and Clint, I'm sure Natasha would love to hear this little story," she added.

Clint's chuckle broke off instantly and his expression turned fearful. He turned and met Tony's equally panicked gaze. They knew how dangerous their girlfriends could be when angered.

"Please don't leave us here," Tony turned and begged one officer.

"Take us with you, please," Clint pleaded with the other.

"Sorry boys, but you brought this one on yourselves," the older officer said. "Have a nice evening ma'am," he said tipping his hat to Pepper once more.

The other officer followed suit and they left, abandoning Tony and Clint to their fate.

* * *

**Let me know if you liked it! :)**


	32. April Suicidal Idiots Day

**A/N Happy early April Fools Day! Thank you guys for all of the reviews! I had an AWESOME time on my vacation and your reviews made it even better! And kudos to several of you guys who knew what movie inspired the last chapter. It was Secondhand Lions. It is one of my family's favorite movies and the whole 'flying through a barn' idea came from that.**

**Here is a special April Fools Day themed chapter. When I got this request the first thing I thought of was April Fools Day so here it is. And be on the look out for a special Easter chapter on Sunday. :)**

**Requested by _The Writer from Avalon_: What would happen if a drunk Clint and Tony decided to pull a prank on a deadly woman known as Maria Hill?**

**April Suicidal Idiot's Day**

If Tony and Clint knew nothing else, they knew that waking up on the helicarrier after a night of drinking was never ever good.

So, as soon as they woke up in one of the store rooms on said helicarrier, they immediately began to wrack their brains to remember what they had done the night before.

"Oh, crap!" they yelled in unison and their heads snapped up to look at each other.

"Oh, we're dead," Clint said.

"And buried," Tony added.

"This is ten times worse than what we pulled on Fury."

"And that is the understatement of the year."

"We pulled a prank on Maria Hill," Clint said.

"No, we pulled a bunch of pranks on Maria Hill," Tony corrected.

"Why?" Clint moaned.

"Because it's April first," Tony replied.

Clint climbed to his feet and began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Tony asked.

"To throw myself off the helicarrier. It will be less painful that way."

"And you call me melodramatic," Tony said. "Look we don't know if she has been pranked yet or not. We set the pranks up last night but she might not have stumbled into them yet."

"What makes you think that?" Clint asked.

"We're still alive aren't we?"

"Good point. Hey, if we move fast we might be able to stop the pranks before they happen and if we do it right, she will never have to know," Clint said, a gleam in his eye.

"Clint you are a genius and coming from me, a genius, that is a very high compliment," Tony said.

"Thanks," Clint said dryly.

Tony was one of the only people he knew that could compliment himself while seemingly complimenting someone else.

"So, what's the plan?" Tony asked.

"Get rid of the pranks. Don't be seen," Clint said simply.

"Sounds good to me," Tony said with a shrug and the two of them stealthily (or as stealthily as a hungover Tony and Clint got) slipped out of the store room and made their way up the hall.

"Wait, where are we going?" Tony asked causing Clint to pull up short.

"I don't know. What pranks do you remember playing?" Clint asked.

Tony thought for a moment.

"I think I remember something about the armory," he said after a minute.

"Her gun," Clint said. "We swapped it with one of those toy guns with the little banner with 'bang' written on it that pops out of the barrel when you pull the trigger."

"Then to the armory it is," Tony said.

Ten minutes later they had successfully retrieved the toy gun and replaced it with Hill's real one.

"Okay, where to next?" Clint wondered aloud.

"Oh! I did something to her computer," Tony said.

"What?" Clint asked.

"I set her computer to play 'Swan Lake' every time she makes a keystroke."

"How do we fix that?" Clint asked worriedly.

"No problem," Tony said pulling out his phone. "I can fix it from here."

In just two minutes, Tony had it fixed and they were ready to fix the next prank. They started walking up the hall as they tried to think of what else they had done.

"Wait! Did we short sheet her bed?" Tony asked, stopping in his tracks.

"I know we talked about it but I can't remember if we actually did it," Clint said.

"We better check."

They carefully made their way to Hill''s quarters and slipped inside.

Tony went over to the bed and pulled back the sheets.

"Oh, good we didn't short sheet the bed," he said.

"No duh," Clint said slapping himself in the face. "She slept here last night. Even if we did short sheet the bed it wouldn't still be like that."

"Oh, yeah," Tony said with a small shake of his head as realization dawned on him. "While we're here we better check the whole room just to be sure."

"Good idea," Tony said and he and Clint spent the next few minutes looking everywhere they might have put a prank.

It wasn't until Tony pulled open the top drawer on the dresser that they found one. Tony pulled open the drawer and spring snakes flew out of it causing Tony to jerk back startled.

"Looks like we pulled the old 'snakes in the peanut can' prank, except in the dresser," Tony said as he picked up the evidence of the prank.

"I think that's it," Clint said glancing around the room again. "I think we're good here."

"I think so too. Lets go to the next one. You remember what else we did?" Tony asked.

Clint thought for a few minutes before his eyes widened.

"Whoopee cushion," he said.

"Shoot!" Tony said as the memory surfaced.

They had put a whoopee cushion on Maria Hill's seat on the bridge.

"We have to get that whoopee cushion before she sits down!" Clint said.

Tony didn't need to be told twice. Together, the two of them all but sprinted to the bridge and skidded to a stop just inside the door. They saw Maria Hill standing in the middle of the bridge talking to Fury.

"Good. She hasn't sat down yet. I'm going after the cushion. You stall her and make sure she doesn't see me," Clint said and before Tony could respond he was gone.

"Yeah, sure Clint, no problem. I'll just stall her," Tony mumbled sarcastically to himself.

Right at that moment, Maria finished up talking to Fury and started to turn to go sit down at her station. Tony had no time to think or plan so he improvised. Because that always works out so well.

"Maria- Agent Hill," Tony called.

Maria stopped and turned at the sound of her name.

"Stark, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I... uh... I wanted to talk to you... about..." Tony trailed off trying to think of something plausible to say.

Unfortunately for him his brain picked that moment to check out and go blank.

"Yes?" Maria prompted.

"I wanted to... um... ask you something!" Tony said seizing the first full sentence that popped into his head.

"What?" Maria asked.

"What, what?" Tony asked confused.

"What did you want to ask me?" she said impatiently.

"Oh, uh... Well... it's kind of difficult to say..." Tony said slowly. _Yeah it's difficult because I am completely making this up as I go along!_ he thought. "It's just that... I..."

"Stark? Are you trying to ask me out?" Maria said, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes!" Tony exclaimed, grabbing onto the first thing he could. "Wait what?" he asked a second later, when he finally realized what she had said. "Wait, no! That's not-"

"Stark. You have a girlfriend," she said cutting him off. "I've met Pepper and she's a good person. She does not deserve to be played by you and I am going to make sure she knows all about this."

"But-" Tony started but Maria had already turned around and was walking back to her chair. "Crap," Tony said instead.

"Hey! I got it!" Clint said appearing next to him and holding up the whoopee cushion.

"Well hooray for you!" Tony said scathingly.

"What's wrong with you?" Clint asked confused.

"That could _not_ have gone worse," Tony replied.

"I don't know about you but I think her actually sitting on the whoopee cushion would have been worse," Clint said.

"At this point I think I would have preferred that," Tony said.

"What happened?" Clint asked.

"Oh, nothing much, just Maria Hill thinks I've got the hots for her, she has my girlfriend on speed-dial, and said girlfriend is going to kill me after they talk," Tony said.

"What did you _do_?" Clint asked incredulously.

"I wish I knew. I _really_ wish I knew," Tony said with a lost shake of his head. "I know cleaning up our mess seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm beginning to wonder if we should have just let it ride and dealt with the consequences."

"Speak for yourself," Clint said. "I, for one, am totally off the hook."

If looks could kill.

"Why don't we get out of here before we start looking suspicious," Clint said by way of changing the subject.

They began walking up the hall but when Tony still looked like he had eaten a persimmon Clint stopped and tried a different tactic.

"Look, I'm sure between the two of us we can come up with some explanation as to how this was all some big misunderstanding, which it was, and you'll be off the hook with Pepper," Clint assured.

"We'd better," Tony said. "I sure hope that was the last one."

"Me too. I think it was but we might want to look around this area in case something jogs our memories," Clint said.

Tony, not wanting his horrible misunderstanding to go to waste, agreed and the two of them wondered around the section of the helicarrier they were in. Thirty minutes later, they had just about decided that they had taken care of everything when they walked by the break room and glanced inside to see Maria Hill holding a cup of coffee.

"Clint," Tony said, grabbing Clint's arm.

"I know. I see it," Clint said as they both stared at the coffee mug in her hands.

"We replaced it with a dribble cup didn't we?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, we did," Clint said.

"Well, I look forward to seeing how you solve this one," Tony said.

"Me?" Clint cried.

"Yes, you. I took the last one!" Tony hissed.

Clint couldn't really argue with that so, reluctantly, he entered the room. Maria Hill was just lifting the mug to her lips and Clint had to think fast. He reached out and grabbed the mug from her hands.

"Barton! What-"

"This cup is filthy! I can't let you drink out of a filthy cup. I'll just wash this for you," Clint said quickly and walked over to the sink.

As he did, he passed the door and unobtrusively motioned to Tony to find the real mug. Then he poured the coffee out in the sink and set about 'washing' it.

"Barton! What are you-"

"It'll just be a second," Clint said, cutting her off.

He stalled as long as he could, almost able to physically feel the glare aimed at his back, until finally Tony showed up in the doorway and held up the mug.

"Oh, could you hand me that towel so I can dry this off?" Clint asked Maria.

She glared at him a moment more before turning to retrieve the towel. As soon as her back was turned Tony tossed the mug to Clint just as the archer tossed the pranked one to Tony. They each caught the mugs simultaneously and Clint turned back to the sink dousing the mug in the running water as Tony ducked out of the doorway.

"Here," Maria snapped, holding out the towel.

Clint took it and quickly dried the mug before filling it up with coffee and handing it back to her.

"Out," was all she said.

Clint didn't have to be told twice as he all but ran out of the room.

"That was close," Clint said, letting out a deep breath as he met Tony outside.

"At least she doesn't think you want to go out with her," Tony gripped.

"Yeah, cause my girlfriend wouldn't hesitate to kill me and Hill would volunteer to help her hide my body," Clint said.

"I don't know about you but I have a headache the size of New York," Tony said.

"Same here," Clint agreed.

"There has to be some aspirin around here somewhere," Tony said.

"Yeah, in the infirmary. This way," Clint said.

Twenty minutes later, after getting aspirin and finally feeling sure they had cleaned up all of the pranks, Tony and Clint were once again headed to the exit.

"We sure did cover a lot of ground last night. But at least we got all of the pranks picked up," Clint said. "We got the computer, the gun, the whoopee cushion, the mug, and we checked her room," he listed off.

When Tony didn't say anything, Clint looked over at him and did a double take as he saw tears running down the billionaire's face.

"Tony? Are you crying?" Clint asked worriedly.

"We forgot to check the bathroom," Tony whimpered just as an enraged female scream echoed through the halls.

And just like that, their death warrants were signed by shaving cream in the toothpaste tube and pink hair dye in the shampoo.

* * *

**Don't forget to drop me a review to let me know if you liked it. And don't forget to look for the special Easter chapter that will be up on Sunday. :)**


	33. What's Up Doc?

**A/N Thanks so much for the reviews guys! Happy Easter! :)**

**Requested by _everfaraway_: The Avengers celebrate Easter. Tony gets stuck in an Easter bunny costume.**

**Requested by _Marie Nomad_: What if Tony somehow turns himself into a bunny for Easter.**

**What's Up Doc?**

"What am I wearing?" Tony asked slowly upon waking up in his lab.

Clint didn't respond as he clamped both hands over his mouth and his shoulders shook as he fought to hold back his laughter. It was impossible, though, and he burst out in full on, tears streaming down his face, rolling around on the floor, can't breathe, can't even stand up, laughing.

"This isn't funny!" Tony cried.

Clint was still laughing too hard to speak so he didn't even try. He just laid on the floor and laughed at the sight of Tony in a full body bunny suit complete with bunny feet, paws, and ears and a basket full of plastic eggs sitting next to him. The only part of Tony's body that was visible was his face and even that wasn't unblemished as a bunny nose and whiskers were painted on his face.

"Stop laughing!" Tony yelled which only caused Clint to laugh harder as the billionaire's cute little bunny nose scrunched up in irritation.

As Clint continued to be completely unhelpful, Tony began trying to reach around to the back of the suit and unzip it. But with the bulky suit he had to wriggle and roll around on the floor to reach the zipper, causing him to look like a rag doll, or rather, a rag bunny flopping around on the floor.

Then, as he finally reached the zipper, the paws of the bunny suit made it impossible to grab hold of it so Tony was left to cross his arms and pout as he waited for Clint to stop laughing. Five minutes later, and it seemed that Clint might finally be calming down.

"Ah, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time," Clint said as he wiped his eyes and caught his breath.

"If you're finished!" Tony snapped. "Come over here and unzip this thing so I can get out of it."

"Happy Easter!" Clint said as he dragged himself to his feet, still chuckling, and walked over to Tony.

He grabbed the zipper, pulled, and... nothing happened.

"Um, Huston we have a problem," Clint said.

"What?" Tony asked.

"The zipper is stuck," Clint said.

"You had better not be joking, Marshmallow Peep, because I am a genius which means I can come up with all kinds of cruel revenge," Tony threatened.

"I am not joking," Clint assured. "I can't get the zipper to move."

"Then just cut it off," Tony said.

"And ruin a perfectly good bunny suit?" Clint asked.

"Unless, come next Valentine's Day, you actually want to become Cupid, complete with diaper and heart arrows, you will get this thing off me," Tony said.

"Right. Well, I can't cut it off of you," Clint said.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too dangerous. I could accidentally cut you. So, unless you want to go around with a few gouges and possibly missing body parts, we'll have to figure out another way to get it off," Clint said.

"How do you suggest we do that?" Tony asked sarcastically.

"How should I know. You're the genius," Clint replied in the same tone.

"You know, Chocolate Egg, you're right. I am a genius and I can come up with an awesome and mind-blowing way to get this suit off," Tony said with a smug smirk.

"Fine by me. All the power to you," Clint said. "That means I can go get something to eat."

Before Clint could do so, though, Steve walked into the room, stopped dead in his tracks, stared at Tony for five full seconds, then busted out laughing. After a minute he got control of himself. At least for a full two seconds.

"Eh, what's up, Doc?" he said, breaking down laughing again with Clint joining in while Tony silently vowed to find whoever introduced Steve to cartoons and make their life miserable.

"I don't know what you two did and I don't care but that is funny," Steve said after he finished laughing. "I actually came down here to see if you guys wanted to come with me but I can tell you're busy. So, I'll leave you to it," he said as he turned to leave, still chuckling.

"Where are you going?" Clint asked curiously, eyeing Steve's more dressed up appearance.

"I'm going to the Easter Sunday church service," he tossed over his shoulder before he continued out of the room mumbling how he had to tell the rest of the team about Tony's get up.

As soon as he was gone, Tony and Clint turned their focus back to the matter of separating Tony from his new outfit.

"All right, I think I have an idea," Tony said. "I think I can build something to remove this without hurting myself. Best of all, it can't fail!"

"Famous last words," Clint mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing," Clint replied quickly. "Well, if you've got this all handled, I'll just-"

"Oh, no you don't," Tony said. "I need your help. I can't build a thing with these on my hands," Tony said holding up his hands which were covered by the fabric of the bunny suit.

Clint heaved a sigh before agreeing. For the next twenty minutes, Tony instructed and Clint built until they had a small machine that Tony swore would somehow beam or peel or disintegrate the suit off of him. Clint wasn't really sure how it worked as he hadn't really been listening at the time.

"Are you sure about this?" Clint asked.

"Of course I am. I am Tony Stark. I'm never wrong," Tony said.

Clint decided to not waste the energy it would take to correct him. Instead he gave a nod and stepped back out of range of any crossfires or explosions in the "unlikely" event that this all went south.

"All right! Lets do this!" Tony said as he fired up the machine.

Clint took another big step back.

The machine took about thirty seconds to warm up and in that time Clint made sure to be standing near a desk that he could dive behind at a moments notice. Which is exactly what he did as the machine sent a bolt of light or energy or something at Tony, enveloping him.

Clint adopted the fetal position and covered his head with his arms until the light faded and everything was silent.

Slowly, Clint unfolded himself and stood up from behind the desk. He looked around for any sign of Tony, his eyes catching on something on the floor before he disappeared behind the desk once more as he collapsed to the ground, laughing hysterically.

His laughter only escalated as a high pitched squeak echoed throughout the room from the small white rabbit that was sitting amidst a bunny suit. Clint apparently either knew Tony so well or he could speak rabbit as he understood fluffy bunny Tony perfectly.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

* * *

**Let me know if you liked it. :)**


	34. Shirts, Shields, and Sledding

**A/N I am so sorry it's been so long guys. Last week was nuts and this week was just not a good week for me. But I managed to finish this chapter, thanks hugely in part to _MarvelAndDCWriter _who helped me brain storm and get started_. _Thanks DC! And in case you're interested to know how Tony and Clint got themselves out of their last escapade, _MarvelAndDCWriter _has written a few follow-up chapters to some of my chapters, including my St. Patrick's Day and Easter chapters. So pop over to his page and check out _It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time- The Second Series. _You might like it. :)**

**Requested by R.U. Lisnin: How about something like Tony and Clint stealing Bruce's purple shirts or Cap's shield?**

**S****hirts, Shields, and Sledding**

Tony and Clint sat up roughly around the same time, groaning and moaning as all hung-over men do. Clint seemed to come to his senses first, noticing something unusual about their outfits.

"Why are we wearing Bruce's purple shirts?" he asked groggily, rubbing his half-open eyes.

"I dunno. I guess that's a mystery for Sherlock Holmes to solve. But he's not here so I guess it's up to the Drunk Duo to find out instead," Tony said, slapping Clint on the shoulder.

"That's it! I'm done. I quit," Clint said, rising to his feet.

"What do you mean, 'you quit'?" Tony asked.

"I am done getting drunk with you. Never again," Clint said, walking toward the door.

"You can't quit!" Tony said.

"Why not?" Clint asked, stopping and tuning around.

"If you quit then who will get drunk and do stupid things with me?"

"You're not helping your case, Tony," Clint said dryly.

"You'll miss out on all the fun," Tony whined.

"You have a strange definition of fun."

"Come on, are you really going to make me go out alone, get drunk alone, do something stupid or crazy alone, wake up the next morning and try to figure out what happened the night before alone, then face the wrath of... everybody alone?" Tony asked.

"Pretty much," Clint said.

"What if next time I make sure we don't drink so much we forget what happened?" Tony asked.

"Seriously? The memory loss is the best part. It gives me plausible deniability."

Tony raised and eyebrow at him.

"Sort of," Clint amended.

"Hey, something just occurred to me," Tony said. "Why do you have a maxi pad taped to your forehead?"

"We've been talking for five minutes and that only just now occurred to you? Wait what?" Clint said as Tony's words finally sunk in.

He reached up and felt of his forehead which was covered by something. Clint carefully peeled it off and looked at it to see that it was indeed a maxi pad.

"What the-"

"You have a cut on your forehead. It looks like you might have hit your head," Tony said.

"We better not have gotten into a bar fight last night," Clint said.

"Maybe we got into a Hulk fight," Tony said, glancing down at the shirt he was wearing, which was definitely not his.

"If we got into a Hulk fight we would be in traction right now," Clint said.

"Good point."

"Well, come on," Clint said.

"What?" Tony asked confusedly.

"Let's get the whole 'look at the security footage, so we can figure out what we did then go get in trouble with everybody' part over with so we can relax the rest of the day," Clint said.

"Sounds good to me, Tampax," Tony agreed.

"No! You are _not _using those kind of nicknames and you will not talk about this to anybody," Clint said.

"Why would I agree to that?" Tony asked with a snort.

"Because in all likelihood this was all your fault to begin with... and if you don't, I will kill you slowly and painfully," Clint said.

"I guess that's fair," Tony agreed.

They walked over and planted themselves in front of a screen and without even having to ask, the footage started playing.

Clint and Tony were dressed in ski outfits, their jackets opened to reveal two certain purple shirts, and they were standing at the top of a high hill that was covered in snow. Clint was holding a very familiar, very red, white, and blue, round object in his hands.

As one, Tony and Clint turned their heads to look at the shield that was leaning against the wall in the corner before looking back at the screen.

Clint apparently had first dibs. He held the shield in front of himself and ran toward the edge of the hill before dropping the shield on the snow and jumping onto it. Clint crouched on his knees on the shield as it shot down the hill at a much faster speed than he had anticipated. It was way better than a regular sled, he had to admit. Though he was also pretty sure that if he didn't somehow slow down, he would be very, very dead very, very soon.

Unfortunately, Clint didn't know how to stop a sled made out of a metal that resists all vibrations and friction. Using a vibranium shield as a sled, was proving not to be the brightest idea and waxing said shield was just downright stupid. If he survived this he was going to kill Tony. As it turned out, Clint didn't have to stop the sled as his head did it for him. He found himself sliding right for a tree and he threw his body weight to the side causing the sled to angle enough to just miss the tree. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to avoid the low-hanging branch that collided with Clint's face and swiped him off the shield.

"Well, now we know what happened to your head," Tony said.

Clint internally debated the pros and cons of strangling Tony. He still hadn't made up his mind whether it was a good idea or not when the footage (that he had no idea how Jarvis had, seeing as it was taken outside somewhere) caught his attention again. (It was actually kind of creepy what Tony had access to.)

Clint had retrieved the shield and made his way back to the top of the hill where Tony was waiting for his turn. Tony took the shield from Clint and the archer sat down in the snow, pressing a hand to his throbbing forehead.

"Watch out for trees. Trees are bad," drunk Clint mumbled.

Tony's only reply was to take off running before jumping on the shield and shooting down the hill. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you asked Clint) Tony didn't receive any injuries. He did have to bail off the shield in order to stop but unlike Clint, he did it voluntarily.

Tony and Clint both jumped about a mile high as they heard someone clear their throat behind them. They turned to see Bruce and Steve both standing in the doorway, neither of them looking too pleased.

Tony and Clint both gulped at the looks they were receiving before saying the first, and quite possibly last, thing to enter their minds.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

* * *

**A/N Let me know what you think! :)**


	35. Good To Be Back I Think

**A/N Thanks so much for the reviews guys! Sorry this is so short. This one was kind of inspired by/sort of a follow-up to chapter 6 of _MarvelAndDCWriter's _"It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time- The Second Series." It's not necessary to read that one but I would highly recommend it. It's pretty funny. :)**

**Requested by _Marie Nomad_: Clint's thinking about quitting, oh... maybe Tony needs a new drinking buddy. How about Rhodey?**

**Good To Be Back... I Think**

Clint woke up... in his bed... not hung over. And it was... nice. And weird. Clint almost couldn't hold back a moan as he realized that he was actually so used to waking up hungover in odd places that it was weird to wake up in his bed like a normal person. Tony was a terrible influence on him and... he missed the idiotic billionaire.

He got up and went about his normal routine. He showered, ate breakfast, and watched some TV. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore and he got up and made his way to Tony's lab to look for him. Of course, it couldn't be that easy. Tony wasn't there and there was no sign of him so, Clint gave up and asked the all knowing AI in the ceiling.

"Jarvis? Where's Tony?"

"_Master Stark and Colonel Rhodes are currently at the Roxxon filling station down the street."_

"What are they- You know what, don't answer that. Thanks Jarvis."

"_My pleasure, Master Clint."_

"You know, you're not half bad when I'm not the one you're getting in trouble and being sarcastic to."

"_I try."_

"And there's the sarcasm. Well it was fun while it lasted," Clint mumbled as he walked out of the room.

Twenty minutes later, he was at the Roxxon gas station. Or rather, what was left of the Roxxon gas station. The reason there wasn't much left of said gas station became abundantly clear as Clint caught sight of two men passed out in the parking lot, one holding a gas can and the other holding a lighter.

The only thing he could think was that he was very glad that he wasn't involved in this one. For once Natasha and the rest of the team would have absolutely no reason to kill him. How sad was it that he actually was a bit disappointed he missed out on whatever had gone down?

Rhodey moaned and sat up, looking panicked.

"I got this," Clint said patting Rhodey on the shoulder as he walked by. "Go back to the tower and take some aspirin."

Rhodey didn't have to be told twice and he jumped to his feet and all but ran back to the tower. Clint walked over and stood at Tony's feet and looked at the passed out billionaire. He sighed and shook his head before nudging Tony's foot with his own.

"Tony, rise and shine and smell the... smoldering building."

He nudged Tony again causing him to moan before opening his eyes and looking up at the archer.

"Sleep good?" Clint asked.

"'Till I woke up," Tony mumbled.

As he sat up he finally noticed the empty gas can in his hand, then took note of the building, or lack there of, behind him.

"This is so much worse than anything we did together," he said as Clint sat down beside him.

"I know. It just proves what I've always thought," Clint replied.

"What's that?"

"That even while drunk I'm still the rational and sane one."

"That's not true!" Tony cried indignantly.

"The fact that you're sitting in the parking lot of a destroyed gas station, holding a gas can, with no eyebrows, begs to differ," Clint said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well what are you going to do about it?" Tony sighed.

"I guess there's only one thing to do. I'll have to go drinking with you next time so I can keep you in check."

"Does that mean you're back?" Tony asked, perking up.

"Yeah, just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"

"Huh?" Tony asked, with a puzzled expression.

"Don't you ever watch movies?" Clint asked incredulously.

"What?" Tony asked, even more confused.

"Never mind," Clint sighed. "So, what's the story?" Clint asked, motioning to the demolished gas station.

"Uh... besides the fact that it seemed like a good idea at the time?"

Clint just shook his head and smirked to himself.

"It's good to be back... I think."


	36. Don't Provoke Natasha

**A/N I am SO sorry for the long wait. I had several tests and papers assigned at the same time, then I had to study for and take my finals but now I'm back! :)**

**On a side note, ****_Marie Nomad _****wrote a one shot titled ****_Finished _****about Steve and Thor getting drunk. You should check it out. It's really funny. And be on the lookout for a sequel to ****_Finished _****that ****_MarvelAndDCWriter _****is working on and should be up within the next few weeks.**

**On another side note, if you haven't seen Iron Man 3 yet you really really need to! It is AMAZING!**

**Requested by Aramasi:**

**"Tony."  
"Yes?"  
"Why is Bruce stuck to the ceiling?"  
"Probably for the same reason Rogers is wrapped in the shower hose."  
"...Asprin."  
"Sounds good."**

**Don't Provoke Natasha**

Clint moaned, his face scrunching up at the light shining through his eyelids. He raised a hand to shade his face before cracking open his eyes.

He was outside. Oh joy. Because waking up outside has always ended so well in the past. Upon further inspection, he found that he was laying on one of the balconies of the tower. Or rather on the edge of the balcony, with one arm and one leg dangling off into the air.

Upon realizing this, Clint was quick to scramble away from the seventy story drop. Hoping that Tony wasn't laying in a similar location (because he really didn't want to have to explain to Pepper why her boyfriend was sleeping on a balcony, rolled over, and fell to his death), Clint entered the tower and began looking for the billionaire.

Clint found Tony in the living room of all places, standing in the middle of the room, and looking up. The archer walked over and stood beside the billionaire before looking up himself.

"Tony?"

"Yes?"

"Why is Bruce stuck to the ceiling?"

"Probably for the same reason that Spangles is wrapped in the shower hose."

"...Aspirin."

"Sounds good."

Several minutes (and about the same number of aspirin) later, they were sitting in the kitchen, enjoying some coffee when they heard a noise from the living room. A noise that sounded very similar to a not-so-happy Natasha.

They moved to the living room door and peeked around to door frame to see Natasha with a now conscious and shower hose free Steve, both of them tugging on a now conscious Bruce in an attempt to get him back onto the floor.

With a squeak of alarm, Bruce suddenly came loose from the ceiling and landed in a heap, right on top of Natasha and Steve.

After some struggling, grunting, and a few not so nice words the three of them managed to get back to their feet. Before Tony and Clint could duck back out of sight, Natasha spotted them and gave them a look that clearly said that if they tried to run they _would_ die.

Tony and Clint decided to not dig their own graves and slowly moved into the room.

"The first one who says it seemed like a good idea at the time gets shot in the leg," Natasha threatened.

Of course Tony had to open his mouth.

"Well that would be you, because you just said it."

**)()()(**

"If you've been told once, you've been told a hundred times," Clint said as he and Tony hung upside down in the air, suspended by their ankles from the railing that surrounded the roof of Avengers Tower, "DON'T PROVOKE NATASHA!"


	37. Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept

**A/N I'm sorry I haven't updated. A family member lost their battle with cancer last week and with the visitation and funeral and everything else I haven't been able to update until now. **

**Requested by **_**Pearlbunny**_**: Mission Impossible. Brandt DOES look quite a lot like Clint... LOL I know it's the same actor... please?**

**(Well I kind of got carried away and ended up adding a few more movies and TV shows to the mix. I've been on a bit of a Sci-Fi kick lately and I just couldn't help myself). ;)**

**Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept it, is to Travel a Long Time Ago, to the Final Frontier, and Lock the Seventh Chevron, to the Planet Gallifrey **

"Really?" Clint asked, looking down at himself, having just awoken a few minutes before. "Why am I wearing a suit and tie and carrying a gun?"

"Because we watched Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol last night," Tony said, reentering the lab and tossing Clint one of the many aspirin bottles that were kept in the tower.

"What does that have to do with it?" Clint asked, catching the bottle and swallowing a couple of the pills.

"You're dressed like Agent Brandt," Tony said by way of explanation.

"Why?"

"Because you look just like him."

"Uh, no I don't," Clint said.

"Uh, yeah you do," Tony said, waving a hand in the air, causing an image of Agent Brandt, who could be Clint's twin, to hover in the air.

Clint stared at the image for a long moment before shrugging.

"Eh. I don't see it."

Tony just rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to go get out of theses clothes- why are they so heavy?" Clint asked, standing up and waving his arms around a bit.

He ran his hands over his chest and upon feeling something under his shirt, unbuttoned the shirt to discover some kind of metal shirt underneath.

"What is this?" Clint asked.

"Oh that. Yeah, remember we decided to recreate that scene when Brandt jumped down that big shaft and fell toward the big spinning turbine and his teammate caught him with that remote controlled rolling magnetic platform that repelled the metal suit Brandt was wearing under his clothes and stopped him just before he hit the turbine," Tony rambled.

"Wait. So basically you're saying I put on some experimental suit and jumped off of something toward an experimental platform that theoretically would catch me before I hit the ground and died?" Clint stated calmly.

"Yeah, in a nutshell," Tony said with a shrug.

"Well, seeing as I'm still alive it obviously worked," Clint said. "But I am still very glad that I don't remember it. Now I am going to go change out of this..."

He trailed off as they caught sight of Steve walking past the lab, dressed like he was about to go somewhere.

"Hey Steve! Where are you going?" Tony called out as Steve passed by the door.

Steve pulled up short at the sound of his name and entered the lab.

"I'm going to see Star Trek Into Darkness," he answered.

"Seriously?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. The trailers made it look like it's going to be really good and I bet it's going to be awesome in IMAX!" Steve said excitedly.

"Have you even seen Star Trek 2009?" Tony asked.

"Yes, it was great!" Steve exclaimed.

"Really? I heard a lot of the Star Trek fans didn't like it because it didn't fit with the series," Tony said.

"Yeah, and that doesn't even make any sense because in the movie the past was accidentally altered creating a different time line. It was basically an alternate reality. It's not _supposed_ to match the series. I think some people just wanted to find another reason to not like it besides the fact that it has different actors. Which is dumb because Star Trek 2009 was great and it had way better special effects," Steve rattled off.

"Oh my- you are a Trekkie!" Tony cried, his tone positively gleeful.

"I am not!" Steve cried indignantly.

"Yes you are!"

"I am not!"

"Quick! How many episodes of any of the series have you seen?" Tony asked.

"All of TOS, TNG, and Voyager as well as all of the movies. I just couldn't really get into DS9 or Enterprise. They just didn't hold my interest," Steve answered without hesitation.

"Okay, if the fact that you have seen three complete series, tried two others, and seen eleven movies in the span of three weeks wasn't enough to convince you, me, and the entire planet that you are a Trekkie, then you using all of the abbreviations and acronyms is," Tony said with a raised eyebrow. "What do those even mean anyway?"

"TOS stands for The Original Series, TNG stands for The Next Generation, and DS9 is Deep Space 9 and Voyager and Enterprise aren't acronyms," Steve explained.

Tony just stared at him for a moment before shaking himself. "Huh? Oh sorry, I zoned out after 'TOS stands for.'"

Steve huffed. "You aren't going to ruin this for me Tony. I like Star Trek and I'm going to continue to. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to see ST ID." He turned and started walking away.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Star Trek Into Darkness!" Steve yelled over his shoulder in frustration.

As Steve left, Clint slipped out the door behind him and caught him in the hall.

"What? You want to make fun of me too?" Steve snapped.

"No, I just wanted to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being a Trekkie," Clint assured. "Your only mistake was letting Tony find out about it."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Steve said, his voice melancholy.

"Yeah it always does," Clint said, sympathetically patting Steve on the shoulder. "Just know that you're not alone."

"You're a Trekkie too!" Steve said in realization.

"Yes, and now were are comrades, united in our love for all things Star Trek. Live long and prosper, My Friend," Clint said holding up his hand, his first two and last two fingers separated in the Vulcan salute which Steve returned before they parted.

Meanwhile, back in the lab. As soon as Steve and Clint were gone, Tony moved over to a nearby wall and engaged a hidden lever that opened a secret door. Tony slipped into the secret room, shutting the door behind him, and looked at a holographic computer display.

"J, how is the eBay listing doing?"

_"You are still the high bidder, Sir."_

"Perfect! Nothing is going to stop me from getting that one of a kind, authentic Obi-Wan Kenobi lightsaber. It will look perfect next to my one-hundred percent accurate, scale model of the Tardis," he said, looking at the small blue replica sitting next to his scale model of the Stargate from Stargate SG-1 (among other TV and movie memorabilia).

_"I'm sure it will, Sir."_

"I can do without your sarcasm, J. Just make sure no one ever finds out about any of this. Oh, and get me some tickets to ST ID in IMAX 3D. The trailers look awesome!" he said as he slipped on his Spock ears.

_"Anything for you, Sir."_

* * *

**Let me know what you thought! :)**

**P.S. On another note, I got to see Star Trek Into Darkness a couple of weeks ago and it was great! If you are a Star Trek fan you need to see it. I've seen the entire original series and the original movies and I loved Star Trek Into Darkness! Also having seen Star Trek 2 The Wrath of Khan will make seeing Into Darkness even more fun (at least it did for me). :)**


	38. Secret's Out

**A/N Look at that! A somewhat regular update. Miracles do happen. :P Thanks to ****_MarvelAndDCWriter _****for the help on this one! :) **

**Requested by ****_Dragoneisha_****: **

**"Tony." Clint's irritated morning voice was something normal to hear this time. Good.  
"Featherface, not now."  
"Tony, you're on fire."  
His gaze shifted to his smoldering pant leg for barely a moment. "Oh. That I am."  
"Are you going to do something about it?"  
"No... bit more worried about the angry, pink-haired Natasha in the doorway."  
The bowman's eyes snapped toward the aforementioned assassin.  
"Oh.. that is more problematic."**

**Secret's Out**

"Tony? Tony, come on, you need to wake up!"

"Go 'way Clin," Tony groaned at the, in his opinion, booming voice.

"Come on Tony, wake up!" Clint said, urgently shaking Tony's shoulder- Wait. That wasn't Clint.

Tony cracked his eyelids open to see Steve crouched over him.

"What are you doing here?" Tony mumbled.

"I'm here to try to save your life!" Steve hissed.

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, sitting up.

"That," Steve said, pointing behind the billionaire.

Tony looked over his shoulder toward the doorway.

"Crap."

"Tony," Clint's irritated morning voice was at least something normal and safe to hear.

Good. He had back up. Sort of.

"Feather Face, not now," Tony said.

"Tony, you're on fire."

Tony's gaze shifted to his smoldering pant leg for barely a moment.

"Oh. That I am."

"Are you, you know, going to do something about it?" Clint asked.

"No... bit more worried about the angry, pink-haired Natasha in the doorway."

The archer's eyes snapped toward the aforementioned assassin.

"Oh... that is more problematic."

"Ya think so?" Tony asked sarcastically.

"We really need to get out of here," Steve said, beginning to wish he had never gotten involved.

Apparently it didn't pay to be a Good Samaritan. At least he had managed to put out the fire on Tony's leg. Now he just had to focus on surviving Natasha's fury.

"Where? Tony, being the idiot he is, doesn't have a back door!" Clint snapped.

"Hey in my defense, when this place was built there was no homicidal assassin living here!"

Said assassin took one step into the room and all three men scrambled to their feet and backed toward the back of the room. They were moving so fast and Tony and Clint were so hung over that Tony tripped over his own feet and fell into Clint who fell into a nearby wall, accidentally activating a hidden switch, a fluke that caused a hidden door to slide open.

"What's that?" Clint asked, picking himself up off the floor and moving toward the hidden room.

"That's nothing! Just an old storage closet full of old chairs and broken furniture and junk... And dust! Lots of dust. Bad for your health. Don't go in there!" Tony cried, desperate to keep anyone from seeing the inside of the room.

Steve, on the other hand, was still very aware of a certain former red head and current pink head that was still looking at them like a predator looks at prey. Steve grabbed Tony and shoved him toward the door that Clint had already entered. Then the soldier leapt inside behind them and slid the door shut.

"Oh, my... You are a closet nerd!" Clint exclaimed, causing Steve to turn around and take in the contents of the room.

He had to agree with Clint's exclamation.

"I am not!" Tony protested.

"Tony," Clint began, pointing to several items in turn, "those are Spock's ears, that is a Tardis, that is a Stargate, that is a lightsaber, and those," he said opening his arms to encompass the many garments hanging along one wall, "are costumes. And not the cheapy kind you get at Walmart. Those are real, authentic, custom made costumes from several Sci-Fi and fantasy TV shows and movies. You are a closet nerd."

"I- Wait," Tony said, narrowing his eyes. "The fact that you can recognize and name all of those things means you're a nerd too! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!"

"Yeah, but he didn't hide that fact while making fun of someone else for being a Trekkie," Steve said with a pointed look.

"Fair point," Tony admitted.

"Is that? It is! That is Legolas' bow!" Clint exclaimed excitedly.

"And that is a ticket stub for Star Trek Into Darkness!" Steve added, looking at a little piece of paper lying next to the Spock ears. "Why didn't you tell us you were a Star Trek fan? We could have gone to see the movie together," Steve said.

"Forget that! Why didn't you tell us you were a Sci-Fi and Fantasy lover? We could have been watching our favorite TV shows and movies together. We could have gone to comic con together!" Clint cried.

"Oh, how awesome would that be! We have _got_ to go to the next comic con together," Steve agreed, having heard about comic con from Clint but never having been before.

"Yeah, the Avengers at comic con! I bet we could get our own panel," Tony said.

"Oh that is going to be so cool... or it would be if we actually had any hope of ever getting out of this room," Clint said morosely.

"About that. Whose stupid idea was it to dye Natasha's hair?" Steve asked.

"I don't know," Tony and Clint said in unison as they shrugged, "but it seemed like a good idea at the time."

* * *

**A/N Let me know what you think! :)**


	39. Comic Con

**A/N Special thanks to _MarvelAndDCWriter _for all of his help on this one. :)**

**Requested by _Avengerscrazygal_: I think you should make a oneshot about the trio going to Comic Con!**

**Comic Con**

"Yes! Comic Con is a done deal! We are going!" Tony crowed, pumping his fists in the air.

"Awesome!" Clint chorused. "Now we just need to decide what we are going as."

"Going as?" Steve asked.

"Yeah who are we going to dress up as. We have to dress up,"

"Why?"

"Because we would look completely weird and out of place in regular clothes," Tony said as if it was obvious.

"Yes. Comic Con. The one place you can dress up in the weirdest and craziest outfits and fit in perfectly," Clint said with a smirk.

"Exactly! Now, to the geek room!" Tony cried and took off power walking out of the room.

Clint and Steve rolled their eyes and followed at a more normal pace. They all made their way to Tony's 'secret' room and began looking through his many costumes.

"What do you think?" Clint asked, holding up a costume in front of him.

"Legolas? You're going to go as a highly skilled archer? You might as well go as yourself," Tony said.

"You know? I think I will," Clint said

"Will what?" Steve asked absently.

"Go as myself," Clint answered, "I already have the perfect costume. The original."

"No one will know who you are," Tony teased.

"Of course they will," Steve said. "He's an Avenger. In fact, I think we should all go as ourselves. I mean, like Clint said, we have the perfect costumes. It'll be great."

"I do look awesome in my suit," Tony mused.

"So it's settled," Steve said with a clap of his hands. "We go as ourselves. But let's not advertise it. We don't want to be swarmed or attacked. So let's try to keep our presence on the down low."

"Please. Please don't try to talk like you're from this time. It really doesn't end well," Tony said with a look on his face that said Steve's words actually caused him pain.

"Yeah, it just doesn't work for you, Man," Clint agreed.

"Duly noted," Steve said.

"I'm going to grab my suit. You guys do... whatever it is you do," Tony said waving his hand dismissively before leaving the room.

"He is so..." Steve trailed off trying to find the right word to describe Tony.

"Yes, but that's why we love him," Clint said with a shrug.

**)()()(**

A few hours later, they were at Comic Con. They had been there less than five minutes when some geek/fan walked right up to Tony, put his face all of two inches from the Iron Man face mask, and spoke.

"Nice costume." "Too bad it's not right."

"What do you mean, 'It's not right?'" Tony asked, indignantly, taking a step back from the personal space invader.

"Iron Man's chest RT is a triangle not a circle," Mr. Know It All said.

"It was, during that whole Stark Expo fiasco but it's circular again now," Tony corrected.

"How do you know!" the bear-poking fan said.

Tony was wondering if he fired up his repulsor and blasted the guy across the room, if the idiot would finally realize who he was talking to while in midair... Probably not.

"I know because-" Tony started angrily but Steve cut him off.

"Because he's Iron Man's number 1 fan and he knows him better than anyone," Steve said with a pointed look at Tony that clearly said 'keep in on the down low.'

Tony would have to talk to Steve about not using slang in his expressions. It was causing the billionaire physical pain every time Steve tried to sound current.

"That's not true. I'm Iron Man's number one fan. I mean, you don't even know that his chest RT is a triangle. Duh!" the guy who apparently had no sense of self-preservation said.

"Did he just-" Tony said.

Steve placed a hand on the chest of the suit to stop Tony before he really did blast the guy.

"He just told me duh. Me!" Tony whispered to Steve.

"Yes, I know. He's an idiot. Just let it go. Okay? Heroes aren't supposed to blast the people they are supposed to be protecting," Steve whispered back.

Tony took a deep breath and with great effort, convinced himself to shut down his repulsors.

"So who are you supposed to be?" the guy asked Clint, seemingly losing interest in Tony.

"I'm Hawkeye," Clint said as if it was obvious.

"No, you're not. Hawkeye doesn't have black pants and you don't even have his mask."

"What mask?" Clint asked, he'd leave the pants color for later.

"The pointy purple one that he wears," the guy explained.

"Hawkeye doesn't have a mask," Clint said.

"Yes, he does. And his whole outfit is purple spandex, not a purple and black vest with black pants. Don't you know anything?"

Clint was rapidly approaching his 'I'm going to shoot an idiot' threshold when Steve stepped in between them.

"It's been nice talking to you. We need to go now," Steve said.

"Well at least your Captain America costume looks right. Nice job," the guy said. "Can't say the same for your friends."

Steve could practically see the steam coming out of Tony's and Clint's ears.

"We're leaving now," Steve said and didn't hesitate to herd Tony and Clint away from the guy.

Steve decided the best way to calm his two friends down was to find a secluded place for them to cool off. So, with significant effort, he found a secluded area. Once there, Tony decided it was snack time and pulled out some cotton candy he had packed into his suit.

"I still can't believe the nerve of that guy," Tony said, angrily eating a piece of cotton candy. "What a pompous, self-righteous twerp."

"I still can't believe cotton candy still tastes the same as it did 70 years ago, like at the first Stark Expo," Steve said, trying to change the subject as he tore off a piece of the light blue fluff and put it in his mouth.

"Yeah, it's amazing. The grass is still green, the sky is still blue, and cotton candy stills tastes the same 7 decades later," Tony said.

"Raighten up Rony," Clint said, his mouth bulging like a squirrel with a mouthful of nuts. "Rit is weawy good candy."

"Tony? Where did you get this cotton candy?" Steve asked.

"I made it myself. Why?" Tony asked.

"I feel funny," Steve said.

"Me too," Clint agreed.

"Oh, that's probably the alcohol I put into it," Tony slurred slightly.

"What kind of idiot puts alcohol in cotton candy?" Steve asked, trying to make his tone sound scolding but instead it just sounded slurred.

"Idiot or genius?" Tony questioned.

"Jury's still out on that one," Steve said to a Tony only he could see.

"Hey! I take offense to that... and I'm over here," Tony said, waving at Steve, causing the super soldier to look at him.

"Then who am I talking to?" Steve asked.

"A support beam," Tony said.

"Why does it look like you?" Steve asked.

"Because you're drunk," Tony slurrred.

"I can't get drunk," Steve slurred back.

"You can when you ingest the special compound I spent weeks creating to allow you to get drunk," Tony said.

"I feel _soooo_ good right now... which means I will be feeling _reaaaaallly_ bad later," Clint said out of the blue.

"You're drunk," Tony said.

"So are you," Clint replied.

"We all are," Steve agreed.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Clint slurred.

"We, are going to have some fun," Tony said, slinging an arm around Clint's shoulder and nearly sending both unbalanced men to the floor.

"Tony-" Steve began.

"No, don't 'Tony' me. That usually means I don't get to do anything fun," Tony slurred back.

"Just promise me you won't blow anything up," Steve begged.

"I can promise you I will _try_ not to blow anything up," Tony answered sincerely.

**)()()(**

"I can just see the headlines now," Clint groaned, sitting up. "Three Avengers get drunk and blow up Comic con."

"Because stupid, idiotic person ticked them off," Tony added, sitting up next to the archer.

"I have a feeling they won't care about the reason," Steve said, sitting up on the other side of the billionaire.

"Hey, no one was hurt," Tony said defensively.

"That's a great headline. 'Hey, no one was hurt,'" Steve said sarcastically.

"They might as well write 'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'" Clint said.

"Now that really would be a good headline," Tony said, completely serious.

Clint and Steve gave the billionaire identical incredulous looks before shaking their heads in disbelief.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! :)**


	40. Foxy Lady

**A/N First off, I will apologize now for the obscenely long A/N. I have a lot to say this time. And if you want to skip this part, at least read the last two paragraphs just in case they might interest you.**

**Now then, a shout out goes to _DocFaustus_**** for being my 400th reviewer. And a huge shout out and even bigger thanks goes to all of my awesome reviewers who keep sticking with me, are still enjoying these chapters, and who made reaching 400 possible (let's see if we can make it to 500!). :) Without you guys I would have stopped writing these a long time ago. Your ideas and interest keeps it fun. :)**

**Also BIG thanks to _MarvelAndDCWriter_**** who collaborated with me and wrote at least half of this chapter, which freed me up to work on a new multi-chapter Avengers fic that I am hoping to debut tomorrow. So if you're interested in a fic that features Tony and Clint (and the whole team) and includes Tony!whump and Clint!whump, then be on the lookout for it tomorrow afternoon.**

**Also, apparently my series is contagious. ;) _Marie Nomad_**** has started a series of her own, based off this one, that features Thor and Steve getting drunk and doing crazy things. So go check out chapters 1 and 2 of her story ****_Steve and Thor's Wacky Adventures_****. Then when you're finished there, ****_MarvelAndDCWriter_**** wrote a sequel to ****_Marie Nomad_****'s first chapter. It's chapter 7 of his story ****_It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: The Second Series._**

**And lastly (it's about time :P) if you are interested to know what happened in the last chapter at comicon between when Tony, Steve, and Clint got drunk and when they woke up, check out DC's chapter 8. He got inspired and wrote a fill in scene. Now on with the show (and if you actually read that whole thing, bless you). :)**

Requested by _needtostudy_: Can you do a chapter where Tony turns Natasha into an actual fox because that would be funny.

Requested by _DocFaustus_: I wanted to request something with Loki in it. Like Thor takes him down to visit (as part of his punishment or something) and gets drunk with Tony and Clint. Who knows what havoc a drunk God of Mischief could make?

**Foxy Lady (or The Vixen That Needed Fixin')**

Loki sat in his secret hideout, lost in his thoughts, tapping his foot. He couldn't stop thinking about his encounters with The Avengers. Three times. Three times he had encountered them and three times his ingenious plots had failed. How? How could these simpletons have outwitted him _three_ times?

_It boggles the mind._

To quell his thoughts and the depressing feeling, he took to drinking. Asgard offered some of the best alcoholic beverages there were, made from the fruit of the finest vineyards in the Nine Realms. And he had to admit, he quite liked it. Since those pathetic worms took to drinking to make them feel better, why couldn't he?

On his eighth drink, an idea suddenly popped into his head. Stark loved turning his teammates, well mostly Barton, into animals. What if he was to turn a teammate of Stark's into an animal? Then the group would no doubt blame the billionaire for it. It would be perfect. He grinned. All he had to do now was pick what member he would change.

Bringing up files on all of them, he began flipping through them. Stark had already turned himself into a rabbit one time and the archer into a hawk, so those two were out. He thought about who would hate being transformed into an animal the most; who would truly, _truly_ hate it, enough to take revenge on Tony Stark. He grinned evilly, before drunkenly hiccuping, knowing who he would change. And he knew what animal he was going to change her into. This was going to be a complete and total disaster, and he would love every second of it. After all, mischief and chaos were his favorite pastimes.

**)()()(**

Tony sat up quickly. He looked around to see he was on the sofa in the living room.

_Oh no_, he thought to himself. Usually, waking up in a place that wasn't his bed, meant a splitting headache and that something, almost always bad, had happened.

He waited a few moments before realizing he had no headache. And upon turning on the T.V. and flipping through the channels it seemed like there was nothing bad being reported (well, nothing bad that two Avengers had done anyway).

He shut the T.V. off before slowly getting up for a glass of water.

Suddenly, Clint ran into the room, eyes wide in shock and breathing heavily. "Tony... Tony... Tony," he was panting so hard he could hardly speak.

"Legolas, spit it out!" Tony ran up and shook Clint back and forth a few times.

Clint seemed to calm down enough to finally talk. He looked Tony straight in the eyes, dead serious and said one of the most shocking things Tony had ever heard in his life.

"I woke up in my bed this morning."

Tony's jaw practically unhinged and hit the floor as they stared at each other with a mixture of relief and shock on their faces.

"That..that means…that means nothing bad happened!" They both cheered and then embraced in a hug before realizing what they were doing and quickly let go of each other and jumped back. Then awkwardly started talking about sports.

"Oh really?" Peppers voice interrupted their attempt to act like they didn't just hug (albeit a very manly hug) as she flipped on the lights, revealing the entire team standing behind her.

"Oh…hey, what are you guys all doing up so early?" Tony asked.

"It's 12:30," Pepper stated.

"Yeah, early," Tony repeated.

Pepper rolled her eyes. "As to why we're all here, a certain one of us woke up this morning, not human," Pepper practically snarled.

"Okay, given my track record of turning people into animals, there's a 1 in 5 million chance that I didn't do this," Tony rambled quickly, his words tripping over each other.

"You never tell them the odds against you _not_ doing it if you didn't do it," Clint said.

"Shut up," Tony snapped at Clint before addressing the team again. "But I didn't do it this time, I swear!"

"Oh yeah? So you, who have turned Clint into a hawk, FBJ into a human and back again, and yourself into a rabbit, _didn't _turn Natasha into a fox!" Pepper seethed.

"Exactly! I didn't turn Natasha into- Wait. What?" Tony said, his brain finally catching up to her words.

Rather than answering his question, Pepper just pointed behind her where the rest of the team was standing. Tony finally noticed that Natasha was not among them. The team separated to reveal a small red fox standing in the doorway behind them. The expression (if you can call it that) on it's face made it clear that it was not an ordinary fox. Tony and Clint stared at the fox for several seconds before the billionaire opened his mouth and inserted his foot.

"Well I always said you were foxy," Tony said.

"Tony you do know that a fox is a predator right? And they eat rabbits," Clint said, sending Tony a pointed look.

"Good point," Tony said.

"Idiot," Clint mumbled.

"I couldn't agree more," a voice said before Loki materialized right next to Tony and Clint, causing the two avengers to jump.

"Brother! What are you doing here?" Thor asked, preparing to call Mjolnir if needed.

"I am here to take credit for my wonderful trick," Loki replied vaguely.

"It was you!" Tony cried. "You turned Natasha into a fox! I told you I didn't do it!" Tony said, turning to the rest of the team.

"No, but you did give me the idea so it is still somewhat your fault," Loki said.

"Do you _want_ me to sic the Hulk on you?" Tony asked.

Loki chose to remain quiet, which was a feat in and of itself for the silver-tongued trickster.

"I didn't think so," Tony said smugly.

"Brother, why would you turn the Lady Natasha into an animal?" Thor asked.

"I might have been inebriated at the time, making the idea appear to be of good judgment," the trickster said.

"Ah, I understand completely," Clint said sympathetically.

"What?" Tony asked, confused.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Clint translated.

"Oh, yeah. We sympathize." Tony agreed. "But we still want her changed back to normal."

"I…I don't know how to do that," Loki admitted. "I forgot what spell I used to turn her in the first place."

"Brother…" Thor warned as Bruce took a menacing step forward.

"Gotta run!" Loki said, quickly disappearing in a puff of smoke.

The group coughed, as Tony waved the smoke away.

"All right, it should be easy enough to turn her back to normal ourselves," Clint said, "As long as that machine we used to turn us back to normal hasn't been destroyed somehow."

"You mean the DNA Molecular Scrambler?" Tony asked.

"Is _that_ what we decided to call it?" Clint asked. "I was wondering about that."

"Yeah, we still have it. It's in _the room,_" Tony said.

"Ah yes," Clint replied in understanding. "_The Room._"

Both men turned in unison and made their way to Tony's lab. Once there, they walked toward a door to what seemed to be a storage room at the back of the lab. They opened the door and stepped inside. Inside the room were shelves holding gadgets. All of the equipment and gadgets in the room were things that the two men had used, built, or found during their drunken escapades. Tony began skimming the shelves looking for the right machine. He finally found it on the shelf that was sitting next to the Tardis-looking machine that could make billionaires, super spies, genetically altered humans, super soldiers, Norse warriors, and yes, even Turkeys, completely drunk.

"Here it is," Tony said, picking up the small machine. "All we have to do is enter Natasha's human DNA into it and we can change her back."

"But she's a fox now. Where are we supposed to get her human DNA?" Clint asked.

"Oh I have the entire team's DNA on file," Tony said absently as he walked out of the storage room.

"I am not even going to begin to tell you how creepy and disturbing that is," Clint said, following him and trying not to wonder _why _Tony would need all of their DNA.

"Good. Then I won't have to actively ignore you while I program this thing," Tony said.

Clint opened his mouth to speak but decided not to waste his breath and just crossed his arms and huffed instead.

"You ready to do this, Vixen?" Tony asked Natasha, who had followed them from the living room. "I'll take that growling as a yes," Tony said as she took up position in front of the DNA Scrambler.

Tony and Clint took their positions hiding behind the control panel as Tony pressed the button. One giant flash later and the two slowly peeked over the panel. The two caught a glimpse of Natasha standing there, trying to cover herself as she was missing some very important items known as clothes. Tony's and Clint's eyes instantly slammed shut before they both took up position behind the panel again.

"Crap, I forgot she would be naked," Tony whispered to Clint.

"Me too," Clint whispered back.

"Do you think she saw us see her?" Tony asked.

"Okay first, that sentence only barely makes sense and to answer your question, we're still alive aren't we?" Clint replied.

"Can someone get me some clothes?" Natasha yelled angrily.

"Um, there's a towel around the lab somewhere!" Tony waved his hand, not planning on moving another inch so long as Natasha remained…as long as she was down in the lab, the way she looked.

"Wait. Why are you hiding? Aren't you her boyfriend?" Tony asked, turning to Clint.

"Yes, but she would probably still kill me if she saw me standing there and staring at her," Clint said.

Tony facepalmed.

"I wasn't suggesting you stand there and stare at her! That would be just plain creepy. My point was you can go get her something to cover up with," Tony said, the 'duh' an obvious undertone in his voice. "And you call me stupid," Tony muttered.

"Oh, good idea," Clint said and jumped up to go find a towel.

Several minutes later, and Natasha was fully clothed again and it was safe for Tony to come out of hiding.

"Well…" Natasha addressed Tony, looking as if the words she was going to say made her physically ill. "I suppose you weren't behind this mess after all, so…thanks," she muttered to the billionaire before hastily walking away.

Tony smiled. Slowly but surely he was winning her over... if she didn't end up killing him first.

* * *

**Review? Then hop on over and review ****_Marie Nomad_****'s and ****_MarvelAndDCWriter_****'s chapters (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go back to the top and read the last two paragraphs of my A/N). :)**

**On a random note. I have to thank (or maybe yell at, I'm not sure which yet :P) a reviewer who suggested that since I like the show ****_Arrow_****, I might like The CW's ****_Supernatural_****. I took their advise and gave it a try and now I am completely hooked and it's all your fault! JK ;) But seriously, do I have any ****_Supernatural_**** fans out there? Hands up if you love Sam and Dean. Furthermore, hands up if you love Cas. I am only midway through season 5 (so please no one spoil me on anything) and he is rapidly becoming my favorite character. He is so funny and yet awesome and kick butt too. :D**


	41. The Independence Day Fireasco

**A/N For those of us who live in America, Happy Independence Day! For those of you who don't, Happy Normal-Day-Just-Like-Any-Other! :P As a special treat, I wrote a 4th of July themed chapter. Enjoy! :)**

**The Independence Day Fireasco **

"It's fireworks day!" Tony cried, throwing his arms in the air as he entered the room.

"Don't you mean Independence Day? The day when our forefathers won their freedom and set out to build a whole new country based off ideals that were unheard of at the time," Steve corrected.

"Yeah, that," Tony replied distractedly. "Plus we get to do fireworks!"

"That's what I'm talking about!" Clint agreed excitedly as he walked into the room and gave Tony a high five, causing Steve to sigh exasperatedly. "So when do we get this party started?" the archer asked.

"Right now," Tony said pouring two drinks and giving Clint one.

They clinked their glasses together and downed their drinks before turning back to the rest of the team who were still sitting on the couches in the living room.

"Well? What are you guys waiting for? We have a barbecue to prepare and fireworks to get ready to launch later," Tony announced.

The others rolled their eyes at the two men's enthusiasm but got up and started to help get things ready. Tony had a grill on one of his enormous balconies and insisted they grill hotdogs and hamburgers for lunch with watermelon for desert and eat out on the balcony, then watch 4th of July movies, before going up to the roof and watching a fireworks show put on by their resident billionaire and archer.

Although the others weren't quite as 'nine-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush' excited, they were still looking forward to the day's festivities.

The seven of them went to work and got things done in no time. While Steve (who had been chosen as the master griller) cooked the food, the others prepared the table and set out all the things they would need. Then they sat down and had a nice lunch together, talking and laughing while enjoying the nice weather.

Once they finished eating they cleaned up then piled on the living room couches to watch whatever patriotic movies Tony had picked out for them.

After making it through _The Patriot_ and vetoing _Clear and Present Danger,_ because none of them really wanted to watch a movie about a drug war and government corruption on Independence Day, they settled on _Independence Day_, because who doesn't want to watch aliens invade Earth on the Fourth of July? About halfway through the movie, Tony and Clint got up and left to get the fireworks ready.

The rest of the team finished the movie then wandered up to the roof to check on their two teammates.

"You're just in time guys. We're almost ready," Tony called as he and Clint put the finishing touches on their display.

They had decorated the roof in all kinds of red, white, and blue decorations. From cardboard Uncle Sam hats hanging everywhere, to little American flags on almost every surface, to red, white, and blue twinkle lights and even red, white, and blue striped chairs and blankets for them to sit on. And all of it was crowned with a huge, high quality, fabric American flag hung between two poles in the center of the roof.

"Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show," Clint said once they were seated.

He walked over to Tony who was standing near the edge of the roof beside the fireworks.

"Okay, we ready?" he asked.

"Yep, locked and loaded," Tony replied striking a match.

"Hey, are you sure that's pointed the right way?" Clint asked, examining the fireworks display that they were about to light. "Because it looks like its pointing back toward the roof instead of away from the building."

"Yeah, it's supposed to point that way because the force of it will make it turn back on itself," Tony said. "It's simple physics. Trust me."

Clint nodded and didn't give it another thought. Tony knew what he was doing when it came to physics and they were only a little drunk at the moment so he trusted their judgement.

Tony lit the fuse and the two of them stepped back out of the way to watch. A few seconds later, the burning fuse reached the fireworks... and everything went nuts.

The fireworks went off and promptly shot toward exactly where they were pointing, the roof... and the highly flammable decorations... and the highly flammable Avengers.

Everyone scattered like a covey of quail, running in all directions as the roof became a fireball of Independence Day decorations. The Avengers quickly began stamping, slapping, and batting the fire out. Pepper and Natasha took over putting out the chairs and blankets that had caught fire, while Steve, Thor, and Bruce put out any decorations that combusted.

Tony and Clint, however, were taking a few personal moments to try to figure out just how they had managed to catch the roof of their building on fire.

"I thought you said they would double back on themselves!" Clint cried.

"Well, it worked on _Hatari!_" Tony replied sheepishly.

"You positioned something dangerous and combustible based off something you saw IN A MOVIE?" Clint screamed, but before he could strangle the life out of Tony, Steve's panicked voice rang out.

"Not the flag! Not the flag!"

The huge flag that was hanging in the middle of the roof had caught fire at one corner and was rapidly spreading. Steve's horrified expression at seeing The American Flag burning, spurred Tony and Clint into action.

To everyone's immense relief, they were able to put the fire out with only minor damage to the Stars and Stripes. Steve on the other hand, looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

"You know, putting that big flag in the center of everything seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now I'm thinking there's a bit of a dangerous flaw to that," Tony said.

The team looked like they were ready to kill Clint and Tony when Pepper spoke up.

"Guys, we can't get too mad at them. After all, we were stupid enough to trust them with fire."

'It seemed like a good idea at the time' didn't even begin to cover it.

* * *

**As always, let me know if you liked it! :)**


	42. A Supernatural Dream

**A/N Thank you guys for all the reviews! It's great to know that I have some **_**Supernatural**_** fans out there! This one goes out to my fellow Sam, Dean, and Cass lovers! I had several people mention that it would be cool if I could do a **_**Supernatural**_** themed chapter and I simply couldn't resist. So I've been working on this one all week trying to do it justice, and I had a blast writing it so I hope you guys have fun reading it! **

**For anyone who hasn't seen **_**Supernatural, **_**though,**** I tried to make it so you don't have to have seen the show to know what's going on and my friend _MarvelAndDCWriter _(who I have yet to convert into a _Supernatural_ fan, but it's not from lack of trying :P) took a look at it for me and he said everything made sense and he enjoyed it. **

**And for those of you who do watch the show, I'm still not completely caught up on the show yet so as for the ****_Supernatural_ characters lets just say they're from sometime in season 5 or 6.**

**Completely random: Dean made a Star Trek reference! My life is now complete. XD**

**Okay, now that that's out of my system, on with the story. :P**

**Enjoy! :)**

**A Supernatural Dream**

Tony had been working in his lab for several hours before deciding he needed to 'come up for air,' as Bruce often put it. So he ventured up to the living room and walked in to find Clint on one couch and Steve on another, both watching some show on TV.

"What are you guys watching?" Tony asked.

"It's this show we found called _Supernatural_. It's actually pretty good," Clint answered.

"Well, I'll try anything once," Tony said.

So many comments and comebacks flew through Clint's head but he was feeling extremely merciful at that moment so he reluctantly let that one go.

Tony walked over and grabbed a special bottle from his alcohol stash and three glasses (after all, in Tony's opinion, TV watching goes better with a drink. Then again, in Tony's opinion everything goes better with a drink) before sitting down on the unoccupied couch. He filled the glasses half full and passed one to Clint who was sitting on the couch to Tony's left and one to Steve who was to Tony's right.

"All right, give me the run down on this show," Tony said, taking a swallow of his drink.

"Okay, basically you have these two brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester, and they hunt supernatural things. Like ghosts and werewolves and vampires; things like that," Clint said.

"And they kill them in order to protect innocent people," Steve said.

"So who's that guy?" Tony asked as a dark haired man in a rumpled suit and trench coat suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"That's Castiel, but they usually just call him Cass. They introduced him in season four. He's an angel that often helps Sam and Dean," Steve answered.

"Okay, so basically we have the two heroic brothers that travel around fighting monsters and all the things that go bump in the night and star in horror movies. Then sometimes their angel buddy Cass shows up and helps them. Right?" Tony asked, trying to keep it all straight in his head.

"Pretty much, in a nutshell," Clint confirmed.

"So does the angel have any cool powers? For that matter, do Sam and Dean have any powers?"

"Not usually. Sam and Dean are pretty much just normal humans. Cass on the other hand, can do a lot of things. For one thing he is an excellent fighter which isn't really a special power so much as a skill, but aside from that, he can do several cool things. He can transport people from one place to another instantly, he can send people back in time, he can wipe people's memories or put them to sleep just by touching their foreheads, and he even brought someone back to life once, and those are only a few of the things he's capable of," Clint rattled off.

"Cool. Sounds like this Cass guy kicks butt," Tony said, refilling his, Clint's, and Steve's glasses.

"All three of them do actually," Steve added.

Over the next four hours, the three of them sat in the dark watching episodes of _Supernatural,_ and slowly but surely finished off the bottle Tony had brought with him. They were just to the slurred speech and slightly impaired judgment stage when something strange happened.

The temperature suddenly bottomed out in the room and all three of them could see their breath. Tony shrugged off the overwhelming creeped-out feeling he was getting and was just about to ask Jarvis what the deal was with the temperature when something really weird happened.

A loud screech pierced the room and all three men turned to see what could only be described as a ghost, fly through a nearby wall and head straight for them. The sound of three grown men screaming like terrified little girls was only drowned out by the sound of shotgun fire, followed by the ghost disappearing altogether.

The three men whipped around to see two very familiar men standing in the doorway, holding shotguns.

"Um, you're not supposed to be real," Tony informed them.

"We got a real bright one this time," Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "Awesome."

"Look, I know this must be a bit overwhelming for you-" Sam started.

"Little bit," Clint said, trying to figure out if this was real or if he was far more drunk than he had thought he was.

"Look, that ghost won't stay gone long. We need to take care of it before it comes back," Dean impatiently cut in.

"Yeah, about that. How do you shoot a ghost. I thought they were like, immaterial," Tony said, his inebriation keeping him far more calm than he might be otherwise.

"Their shotguns shoot rock salt. That and iron are the only things that have any effect on ghosts," Steve drunkenly informed him.

"A gun that shoots salt. That's actually kind of cool," Tony said.

"Look, can we get back on subject here?" Dean asked.

"So ghosts wouldn't like me since I'm Iron Man," Tony said, completely ignoring Sam and Dean.

"Well since your suit is not only not on you but is not actually made of iron then you are still in as much trouble as we are," Clint pointed out.

"Are you guys drunk?" Sam asked.

"Naturally," Tony answered.

"These sound like my kind of people," Dean said, wiping the smirk off his face at Sam's disapproving look.

"Look, guys we need to kill that ghost before it comes back," Sam explained quickly.

"How do you kill a ghost? Isn't dying kind of how you become a ghost in the first place? Tony asked.

"Yes, but we have to put it to rest. Now it's probably attached to an old object that was personal to the ghost when they were still alive. And since it has only just now shown up it would have to be something you acquired recently," Sam said.

"I told you someone just giving you something for free was too good to be true," Clint said.

"Yes, yes you told me so," Tony said, waving him off. "The question is, how do we get rid of the ghost?"

"We burn whatever it is that the ghost is attached to," Steve said.

"How do you guys know all of this stuff?" Tony asked exasperated.

"It's all on the show," Steve answered. "What did you get anyway?"

"Oh somebody left a crate with some old vase in it on the doorstep. At the time, I didn't know why someone would just leave that there but now I'm thinking that maybe they wanted to get rid of the ghost that was haunting them," Tony said.

"It was probably one of your old girlfriends wanting revenge on you," Clint teased.

"All right, we've wasted enough time," Dean said, cutting off Tony before they could get off on another tangent. "Where is this vase?"

"Uh... I think I put it in the basement," Tony said. "It wasn't really my style."

"Okay, we'll take care of this ghost. Can you guys do us a favor and call Cass and let him know what's going on?" Sam asked. "We might need his help."

"Sure, what's his number?" Tony asked, pulling out his phone.

"Oh, that's not necessary. Just call out to him and he'll hear you," Dean said as they got on the elevator, the doors closing behind them.

"Well," Clint said after a minute of silence. "I guess you'd better get on that, Tony."

"What? Why me?"

"You volunteered to call him," Clint said.

"That's when I thought it was on the phone."

"Well in that case, you do it because we don't want to," Clint said cheekily.

Tony huffed but turned his back to them and called out to Cass anyway.

"Um Castiel? Uh... I feel like an idiot," he said, turning back to Clint and Steve.

"That's because you are," Clint said matter of fact.

Tony stuck his tongue out at the archer before turning his back to them again.

"I'm not nearly drunk enough for this," he said.

"Yeah, how is it that you drank that much and you're still sober?" Steve slurred slightly.

"Oh, I am drunk, just not drunk enough to talk to an angel that isn't here," Tony said.

"But you don't look drunk," Steve pointed out.

"That's because drunk is normal for him. The only time he shows being drunk is when he's completely plastered. He truly is the master at functioning at one-hundred percent while intoxicated. All the times Tony has gotten me drunk has raised my tolerance but I still have much to learn," Clint said, still drunk but slightly better sounding than Steve.

"Yes you do, Young Grasshopper," Tony said with a smirk.

"Shut up and call Cass," Clint snapped.

Tony opened his mouth to say something but Clint cut him off.

"Yes, I know you can't shut up _and_ call Cass at the same time. Just call him!" Clint said exasperatedly.

"Uh, Cass- Can I call you Cass? If you could show up, not only would you make me look a lot less like an idiot standing here talking to thin air but we might kind of need your help. Unless you're doing something really important then I guess you would have a good reason for not coming," Tony rambled on.

He was running out of things to say and was on the verge of starting to sing kumbaya or something when he heard the snickering behind him that he instantly recognized as Steve and Clint.

"He's standing right behind me isn't he?"

The snickers dissolved into outright hysterical laughter.

Tony spun around and literally came nose to nose with the angel. The billionaire stood there for all of two seconds before jumping back about a foot.

"Personal space," Tony said, waving his arms in an gesture that encompassed an area that extended to about an arms length in front of him.

"My apologies," Cass said. "Dean has spoken to me on several occasions about that but since it does not disturb me I often forget that it is uncomfortable for humans."

"Yeah, well as uncomfortable as it is for regular humans, multiply that by about a hundred and you'll have Tony," Clint said, calming his laughter.

"And I don't like to be handed things," Tony added.

"I'll try not to stand in your personal space or hand you anything then," Cass said.

"Thank you. See? You two chuckleheads could take a lesson or two about being considerate from Roma Downey over here," Tony snarked to Steve and Clint who looked completely unabashed.

"Says the guy who just called Cass a girl," Clint shot back.

"Yes, but it was said with affection," Tony said.

"I wasn't aware that we knew each other that well," Cass said without an ounce of sarcasm in his voice.

"Oh, well I guess technically we don't. We've just seen the TV show about all of you so it kind of feels like we know you," Tony said.

"I see," Cass said in a tone of voice that clearly said he didn't but wasn't interested in taking the time to figure it out. "So why did you call me?"

"Oh, right! Sam and Dean told us to," Clint said.

"Where are they?"

"I think they were heading to the basement," Steve said, then he blinked and the four of them were standing in the basement.

"Wow!" Tony said looking around himself. "You could make a killing in the transportation business."

"I do not like killing. I try to avoid it unless it's absolutely necessary," Cass said.

Tony opened his mouth to explain the figure of speech before deciding it wasn't worth the effort.

"Cass! Cass, you've got to help us!" Dean cried as he and Sam suddenly barreled around a corner.

"What's going on?" Cass asked, instantly on alert.

"We were down here hunting a ghost when a demon attacked us!" Sam said.

"Hey, I actually know about demons!" Tony said feeling quite proud of himself at knowing something and not having to ask about it this time.

"Don't sound so happy. It's probably here to kill us," Clint said, causing Tony's victorious attitude to evaporate.

"Killjoy," Tony muttered.

"There's a demon here?" Steve asked, bringing the conversation back to the important topic.

"Yeah, she's really strong and fast and salt didn't do anything but make her mad. We couldn't even get close to her before she had us on the ground," Dean said.

"She's like no demon we've ever encountered," Sam added.

Before they could say anything more, the 'demon' turned the corner, a murderous expression on her face and salt stuck in her red hair. Sam and Dean leapt behind Cass for protection and peeked around the angel.

"That's no demon," Clint said, relaxing. "That's my girlfriend."

"She may look like your girlfriend but she's possessed," Dean said. "Tell 'em Cass."

"They are right, Dean. She is not possessed," Cass said. "She is, however, very angry."

"You can say that again," Dean said, not moving from his position behind Cass.

"She is, however, very angry," Cass repeated, not sure why Dean wanted him to say it again.

"Cass that's not- never mind," Sam sighed. "How'd you know she wasn't possessed?" Sam asked the avengers curiously.

"Oh, that's easy. That murderous, 'I-want-to-kill-you' look she has, is something that is unique to Natasha and cannot be entirely replicated by anyone else, not even a demon," Tony said casually.

"Although it shows how talented you are that you could evoke that look from her," Steve said. "Until now, Tony and Clint are pretty much the only ones who could do that."

"Well judging by the way she looks, I'm betting you guys throwing salt on her was what inspired that look," Clint said, feeling very glad that for once it wasn't his fault.

"It was an accident!" Dean cried.

"We thought she was the ghost. She just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She didn't even make a sound. By the time we saw that she wasn't a ghost we had already thrown the salt," Sam explained, still standing next to Dean as they continued to cower behind their angelic protector.

"Oh yeah, she does that. After a while you get used to jumping out of your skin every time she shows up," Tony said.

"Leaving one's skin sounds incredibly painful," Cass said.

"Are you by any chance related to a blond guy named Thor?" Tony asked.

"I don't believe so. Why?"

"No reason," Tony said.

Cass started to ask what he meant but was distracted by Natasha who still hadn't moved from her position where she continued to glare at Sam and Dean.

"The angry woman is making me very uncomfortable," Cass said.

"Oh, you'll get used to it," Clint said. "If she doesn't kill you first, of course."

They all blinked and suddenly found themselves in the living room, minus Natasha.

"Why'd you bring us back up here?" Steve asked.

"I didn't like the way the angry, red-haired woman was staring at us," Cass said.

"So you left her alone down there with that ghost!" Clint cried.

"Relax, Feathers. This is Natasha we're talking about. I'd be more worried for the ghost," Tony said.

"Oh, yeah. Good point," Clint said, his unnecessary worry evaporating.

Cass, you shouldn't have brought us back up here. We haven't taken care of the ghost yet," Dean said.

"Pardon me. Saving your lives seemed like the better idea at the time," Cass said and it sounded suspiciously sarcastic to Dean.

Maybe the angel was finally beginning to understand sarcasm.

"But I can risk your lives next time, if that is what you truly wish," he said with that serious, innocent expression of his.

Or maybe not.

"Well you might as well take us back so we can finish it off," Sam said.

"Actually, why don't we give that Natasha chick a few minutes to hopefully leave the basement," Dean suggested.

"Because if we don't go now we'll forget."

"No we won't," Dean assured. "It'll just be a couple of minutes."

"So angels and demons and ghosts and a heap of other nightmares are all real? It's hard to believe," Steve said.

"Says the genetically enhanced super soldier who is friends with an alien," Tony replied.

"Wait. Aliens are real?" Sam asked.

"You hunt demons and monsters and you're surprised by and skeptical of aliens?" Clint asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's pretty much the one thing we've never encountered," Dean said.

"Huh, and aliens are pretty much the _only_ thing we've encountered. We need to compare notes sometime," Tony said.

"Yeah-" Sam began but stopped as Cass winced and reached up and pressed his fingers to his temple.

"Cass?" Dean asked, concerned.

He blinked before dropping his hand back to his side. "I'm fine, but I now have information concerning the case we've been working on."

"How?" Tony asked.

"Angel radio. Angels have this kind of mental connection to all the chatter going on between each other," Clint supplied knowingly, much to Tony's irritation.

"So, Cassie, what's this holy grail of information you have?" Tony asked.

"I do not have any information about the Holy Grail. It has been lost for centuries," Cass said, one-hundred percent serious.

"Cass, that's not what-" Sam started before Clint interrupted him.

"Actually, Indiana Jones found it but he lost it down this big chasm."

"I must speak to this Mr. Jones," Cass said.

"Cass, they're talking about a movie. They're drunk," Dean explained.

"Oh I see," Cass said before turning to the three inebriated avengers. "I apologize for invading your personal space," he said to Tony before touching his, Clint's, and Steve's foreheads.

"Wow! What was that?" Tony asked, suddenly completely sober.

"I removed the alcohol from your blood so that you could become coherent again," Cass said.

"Man, I don't even have a hangover!" Tony exclaimed. "We need to have you over more often."

"Perhaps in the future after we have taken care of our business," the angel replied. "Until then, we must go."

He looked at Sam and Dean, the latter of which instantly knew what the angel was thinking.

"Oh, no. I am not zapping with you. You know how I feel about leaving Baby behind," he said, referring to his precious car. "We," he motioned to Sam and himself, "will be driving."

"Fine," Cass said resigned. "I will 'zap'" he said using finger quotes, "you to your car then you two can meet me at our destination."

"Wait, that's it? You just pop in here then pop out again? We have so many questions," Clint said.

"I'm afraid they will have to wait. We must attend to this. Besides, it is late," Cass stated as if it was a major discovery. "The three if you should probably get some sleep."

"Are you kidding? After everything that's happened we won't be able to sleep a bit," Steve said.

"I can help you with that. The three of you need sleep," Cass said. "Sleep is very important for humans. As Dean is always reminding me, humans need their four hours."

"Actually-" Dean started but before he could continue, Cass once again apologized for the invasion of personal space, then touched Tony, Clint, and Steve on their foreheads before the angel and his two human friends disappeared from the building.

**)()()(**

Tony woke with a cry (which startled Steve and Clint awake as well) and looked around the room quickly before his gaze landed on the TV which was still playing _Supernatural_. Tony shook his head and chuckled at himself. It was obvious what had happened. He had gotten drunk and fallen asleep while the show was still playing and it had trickled into his subconscious and made him dream about it.

"Man I just had the craziest dream," he said.

"No crazier than mine," Steve said.

"Yeah? Well I've got you both beat," Clint chimed in.

"You think so?" Tony asked.

"I know so," Clint replied.

"Oh yeah? Well I dreamed that we were all sitting here watching _Supernatural_ when the room got really cold and we could see our breath. Then out of nowhere, the ghost of some crazy chick came flying through the wall and straight for us-"

"But before she could attack us, Sam and Dean showed up and blasted her with rock salt," Steve added.

"How did you know?" Tony asked.

"That was part of my dream," Steve said.

Before they could comment on what that could mean, Clint spoke up.

"Then they asked you to call Cass, which you sounded like a complete idiot doing by the way," Clint said with a laugh, causing Tony to cross his arms and huff. "Then he showed up and zapped us to the basement where Sam and Dean thought Natasha was possessed."

"Then Cass transported us back up here because apparently even angels can be intimated by Natasha's glare," Tony resumed the story.

"Right after that, he got some kind of message on his angel wavelength and they had to go take care of something. Then Cass said something about personal space and humans needing sleep, although not necessarily in that order, before he touched my forehead and that's when I woke up," Steve said.

"Same here," Clint agreed.

"Okay, how did we all have the same dream?" Tony asked.

"Unless... It wasn't a dream," Clint said slowly.

"But that would mean it was real... Can't be," Tony said.

"Well how else do you explain that all three of us had the exact same dream? Not to mention the fact that there is even evidence they were here. Just look, there's salt on the floor over there," Steve said.

"I really hope you guys are wrong and it wasn't real," Tony said, his eyes widening.

"Why?"

**Meanwhile, several miles away in a black 1967 Chevy Impala...**

"Uh, Dean?" Sam asked as he finally realized something.

"Yeah?"

"Did you put that ghost to rest?"

Dean was quiet for a long moment.

"I thought _you_ did," he said slowly.

"I told you we should have done it right then instead of waiting. I knew we would forget!" Sam yelled.

"What can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time."

* * *

**Let me know if it was okay! :)**

**On a side note to my fellow Supernatural fans: If you haven't seen seasons 4, 5, 6, and 7 of Supernatural, then DO NOT read this (I don't want anyone mad at me for spoiling them). For everyone else: Am I the only one who has noticed that ever since Cass has been on the show he has died every season (I haven't made it to the very end of season 7 yet so that may have changed). I mean first he's smote (is that even a word :P) by the Archangels at the end of season 4. Then God brings him back. Then Lucifer kills him at the end of season 5. And God brings him back again. Then the leviathans kill him at the end of season 6 (given it was technically at the beginning of season 7 but it was a continuation of the end of season 6 so it still kind of counts). Then he shows up in episode 18 of season 7 (and God probably brought him back that time too). You'd think Cass would quit dying since God obviously wants him alive (something I'm very happy about by the way :P). But seriously, I'm beginning to think this is going to become a regular thing. At the end of every season they play _Carry on Wayward Son_ by Kansas then kill Cass. Just saying. :P **


	43. Ghost Hunting in the Dark

**A/N Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to leave a review! I'm glad so many of you are still enjoying these stories! :)**

**Requested by ****_kimbee: _****They do need to be rid of that ghost in another chapter, hopefully...**

**Ghost Hunting in the Dark**

"I'm going to kill them! If I ever get my hands on Sam and Dean Winchester, they are dead men!" Tony yelled as he walked into the living room, catching the attention of the six people sitting on the sofas in front of the TV.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked.

"I just got off the phone with Sam and Dean. I called them to ask what the deal was with there still being a ghost in the tower and you know what they had the audacity to say? 'It seemed like a good idea at the time,'" Tony announced.

For a whole second, the room was completely silent before the four men and two women sitting on the couches burst out laughing.

"What is so funny?" Tony asked confused.

"Irony," Pepper said.

"Huh?"

"Now you know what it's like to be on the other side of that line," Steve said as they all got control of their laughter. "It's a little funny."

"Well you guys won't find what else they said to be all that funny," Tony huffed. "Apparently we are going to have to get rid of that ghost ourselves."

"Wait. What?" Clint asked, not liking the sound of that.

"Sam and Dean are busy and Cass is too scared of, and I quote, 'the angry red-haired woman with the unsettling glare' to come help us. And the salt we spread out along the perimeter of the basement won't hold that ghost down there forever. So we have to put it to rest ourselves," Tony explained.

"Well, good luck with that," Clint said cheerily before turning back to the TV.

"Oh, no! I am not do this by myself. All of you are going to help me," Tony said.

"And just what makes you think that?" Natasha asked.

"The fact that you all live in a tower that belongs to me," Tony said.

None of the others had a good response to that, so they all gave in and stood up.

"Okay, what do we do?" Bruce asked.

"First off, I'm going to suit up. There is no way I am facing an angry ghost without my suit," Tony said.

That was actually a pretty smart idea so the others followed suit (no pun intended). Even Pepper took the precaution of putting on some baseball catchers equipment as protection, although comical didn't even begin to cover how she looked with the mask, shin guards, and padded chest plate on. She also grabbed an iron fireplace poker to use as a weapon against the ghost in case she needed it.

The others, suits on, armed themselves as well. Tony modified his repulsors to shoot salt, Clint armed his arrows with iron tips. Steve added salt and powdered iron to some paint before giving his shield a paint job. Natasha made some iron bullets and armed her hand guns with them. Bruce grabbed another iron, fireplace poker but he doubted he would get the chance to use it, figuring that if a dangerous ghost came at him he wouldn't be staying himself. Thor did nothing, claiming that Mjolnir could overcome anything.

Once armed, Earth's Mightiest Heroes (and Iron Man's brave, tough girlfriend) got in the elevator and headed toward the basement. To say that it was funny to see seven fighters suited up and armed to the teeth squeezed into an elevator would be an understatement. That is why Jarvis snapped a picture of them from the security footage. And people said Jarvis didn't have a sense if humor.

Once the elevator arrived at the basement, they disembarked and stood ready, right outside the elevator. They looked around, making sure the ghost wasn't nearby before slowly moving deeper into the massive basement.

"Why does this place have to be so dark?" Clint whispered as the seven of them walked, crouched over in single file, eyes darting in all directions, looking for movement.

"Because it's a basement," Tony said. "Basements are supposed to be dark."

"That has got to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard," Natasha said softly from right behind Clint.

"It seemed like-" Tony started before cutting himself off. "It made sense at the time," he amended.

"Of course it did," Pepper whispered from behind Natasha.

"Why are we being so quiet?" Steve asked softly from behind Pepper.

"I don't know," Tony replied just as quietly as he finally realized that they had all been keeping their voices low. "There's just something about a dark, creepy basement that demands whispering."

"Not to mention, the ghost might hear us," Bruce whispered from behind Steve.

"Yes, we do not want to scare the ghost away," Thor said, surprisingly keeping his voice low.

The line of people came to a stop as the six people in front of the warrior turned to look at him in disbelief.

"Yeah, that's why we don't want the ghost to hear us," Tony said sarcastically, which of course Thor missed completely.

The procession continued slowly through the basement, keeping their eyes open as they moved toward the crate holding the vase they needed to burn to get rid of the ghost attached to it.

They were weaving through all kinds of, well frankly, junk. Crates, unused building materials, and even old furniture littered the room. How all this stuff ended up in the basement of a few month old building or why, the others didn't know. Maybe Tony put all of the stuff down there because he wanted the stereotypical basement full of junk. None of them would really be surprised. This was Tony they were talking about.

They were walking through a narrow spot with crates lined up on one side and other odds and ends on the other when Bruce saw someone out of the corner of his eye and yelped causing the others to jump and cry out too.

"What! What is it?" Tony asked looking around.

Bruce took a deep breath, relaxing once he saw what it was he had mistaken for a person/ghost.

"Tony! Why do you have a mannequin down here!" Bruce cried angrily but the fact that he was whispering took most of the force out if it.

"Huh. I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Uh, let's keep going and get this taken care of," he said quickly before Bruce could decide to strangle him.

They walked for another few minutes before Tony suddenly stopped causing the other six to crash into each other in a domino effect.

"Tony! What-" Clint started as he peeled his face off the back of the Iron Man suit.

"Shh. You hear that?"

Everyone went still and silent, listening.

They heard what sounded like a slight whistle of a breeze blowing through the basement right before the temperature dropped and their breaths became visible.

"Run!" Tony yelled, knowing the ghost was about to appear.

An armored billionaire, two armed spies, a red-headed baseball catcher CEO, a red, white, and blue clad super soldier, a vaguely green tented scientist, and a hammer wielding warrior took off running through the basement, tripping over each other and bouncing off crates and other junk as they blindly ran from a ghost.

"We have to get to the crate!" Tony yelled making a b-line toward his target, Clint right on his heels.

Just as Tony was about to reach the crate, Clint tripped over a board that he couldn't see in the almost nonexistent light and fell into Tony, both of them going sprawling on the floor.

"Really!" Tony yelled.

"Well if you would clean this basement, or better yet, put in some lights like a normal person this wouldn't happen!" Clint shot back.

"Guys! Time. Place," Steve said.

"Right. Crate," Tony said.

"Yes, getting rid of the ghost before it appears and kills us is probably a good idea!" Bruce agreed.

"I'm working on it!" Tony said ripping the lid off the small crate.

"Work faster!" Natasha growled, her guns at the ready for when the ghost appeared.

"Not helping!" Tony called back.

Tony took the vase and put it in a nearby metal wastebasket so he wouldn't set the wooden crate and possibly the entire building on fire. He pulled out a small bottle of accelerant but paused as the hair on the back of his neck stood up and everyone in the room froze.

A second went by, before Natasha's and Steve's eyes widened as they stared at Pepper.

"It's behind me isn't it?" she squeaked before she slowly looked over her shoulder and came face to face with the angry ghost.

For a full second everything was completely still, then Pepper screamed and dove to the ground as the ghost tried to grab her but instead ended up flying overhead as Pepper ducked out of reach.

The ghost flew straight toward Natasha who shot it full of holes with her iron bullets. The ghost diverted its path to escape the bullets but didn't disappear completely. It's new path sent it straight toward Thor who swung his hammer in a mighty arc, hitting the ghost, which... Did absolutely nothing. Fortunately, Tony was ready and shot a handful of salt out of his repulsor. Only half of the salt hit the ghost, though, causing no more than a glancing blow but it was enough to divert it's path from Thor.

"See? I told you your hammer wouldn't work. The only things that can effect a ghost are salt and iron," Tony said.

"Tony! Vase!" Bruce cried, trying to get their ADD billionaire back on task.

"Oh! Right!" Tony replied, turning back to the vase. He poured the accelerant over the vase as Cap's shield flew through the air cutting through the ghost causing it to dissipate a moment before reforming only to be dissipated again by Bruce (who surprisingly hadn't hulked-out) as he swung his iron poker through it.

"Any time now, Tony!" Clint yelled, loosing an iron tipped arrow at the ghost.

Tony quickly struck a match and threw it on the vase. The vase went up in smoke, the ghost following suit and disappearing, leaving the basement still and quiet once more.

"Let's never, _ever_ do that again," Pepper said.

Everyone else emphatically agreed before also agreeing that Tony definitely needed to put some lights down there as they tried to find their way back to the elevator in the dark.

* * *

**Let me know if you liked it! :)**


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